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Stephanie Wintermute

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About Stephanie Wintermute

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  • Birthday July 30

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  1. @vatya Thanks so much, I have embraced my villainy this week and realized that I have let go of 'needing others to like me'. By doing this, I am allowing myself to not need to do anything to gain anything from others. It was the most loving and gangster way I could achieve freedom from obsessing over status with others, if that makes sense. I'm open to being the villain but also open to being authentic, either way. If I am a slave to kindness, then I abandon free will for determinism anyway! So, here I begin a new journey altogether. Very exciting. If I'm not trying to get anything from others, or achieve to gain something, my life is comically easy, lol. I'm going to work with Teal's painting, 'The Way' this week and see what happens. Much joy to you!
  2. @vatya Hi Vatya! Oh, man I've gotten OBE and a LOT of Acturian Grids actually. Thankfully, I also got Festivity, which has been lovely to study with. I just watched the Chicago Workshop's Pt 2 last night and honestly, my creepy shadow self saw itself in the mirror; it's the part that wants significance and the sharing of other peoples' limelight (even if I thought it was for collaboration purposes - I'm a musician), but I realize now that I can find my own stage and let all the shadow fizzle out. I'd rather be terrified and solo on a stage that's mine than an energy sucker that has the backlash of the century for not going directly for the expression I desire to embody and express authentically. Whew, that was the wake-up call of the ages for me! What a crazy group shadow! I feel better now, but I really felt like a horror movie last night after watching it, like I was in sudden realization of going from the heroine to the villain! It's been a day of purging and healing, that's for sure. Boundaries are very important if we want to live an authentic life, that's for sure.
  3. @BeyondTheRim That's cool. And it really is a great thing to bring awareness to all, especially with the more difficult topics. I didn't think I liked learning new things anymore, then I returned to college and it's been better. I had to dissolve a lot of core concepts and unravel what was inauthentic to my actual learning journey, then what I actually wanted to learn began to surface and appear clearly.
  4. Hi BeyondTheRim! I really enjoyed this post, it's knowledgeable and well thought out. I have been delving into the site replies more and making an effort to connect more. Are you a writer or do you find it inspiring to gather facts? Or both? I wanted to post and lend some appreciation for your content contribution. I write and am looking to interact with folks here a bit more than I have been.
  5. Hi Vatya! I love this! I have really enjoyed getting to know and entrain with the different frequencies throughout each day (I try to refresh the Let the Universe Choose section twice a day or so as needed). What lead you to do this practice? It is an awesome idea for emotional introspection! I leverage the frequencies chosen as the lock screen and home screen of my mobile device and it has really made healing waves in my life.
  6. Stephanie Wintermute

    Pranks

    I can't stand to prank people but these were really funny and innovative pranks. I wish you all could have had a laugh and talked about the situation but that didn't happen, obviously. I wanted family more than anything in my teens (and I still do but I'm actively building it up). People that distanced from me when it came to 'family time', where there was closeness until the secluded 'premium' family time was 'taken away' or 'kept' from me burned my entire being. My mother had a near fatal aneurysm when I was 17 and my father abandoned my sister and I at my grandparents' house a month or so after. The church my mother had attended years back and that my grandparents did custodial work for and attended had volunteers that spent time with me and my sister; one I grew very close to, and she was even my first boss in the church office. Inevitably, the pulling away from my sister and I instead of the integrating of us into their family that already had successful children attending college occurred and I was left feeling like I was completely worthless to everyone, a pauper that could be thrown out like a replaceable cup. I was a charity case and of no authentic value. When this woman attended my mother's memorial gathering in 2017, I was boggled. Where had she been for the last 15 years? It felt like she was looking into my open casket of a heart as I interacted with her and I felt morally confounded. 2 1/2 years later and like 1 million frequent flier miles of parts work and inner child work later, the death of my father 3 months ago and I'm finally about to write about all of it. To be treated as an eternal stranger with limited access to complete acceptance or love is torture. It is straight up traumatic to have an aquarium of family love sitting next to you and to not be able to get through the glass. Teal Tribe has healed this dynamic for me. I'm still punching through the glass (I was in an incubator after birth and have a lot of these interaction dynamics); now though, at least the people I see on the inside are in discussion and harmony with me as we partner with each other. I have the homeopathic frequency healing available through the frequency paintings Teal creates. I have all the love in the world. I used to listen to the Nine Inch Nails song, 'All the love in the world' (one of my favorite outros ever is in that song), and I remember thinking 'at least somebody gets it'. No, we all get it. And now, we get to have all the love in the world, ourselves and each other too. I love all of you with all my heart. I raise my vibration and do all of the work knowing it benefits me and it benefits all of you. My purpose is renewed. I watched the poem video Teal recorded for Teal Tribe yesterday and I wish my 17-year-old self could have had this in 1998...but the more I integrate, the more I know that this is it. The hope was all for something. And this is it. Much gratitude. Teal Tribe for life.
  7. I realized Friday that I was about to have a bit of a powder keg of expansive energy overtake me. And there was the slightest twinge of not moving on it but then I had to go forward because I've been working on authenticity and doing parts work for four weeks straight. I want to move. Literally. I stayed up all night filling out an application for a creative art house living situation because it was like my reality just evaporated around my ears. I needed to move forward immediately on it. I feel like the ground is disappearing under my feet and I have a stable living place that's safe and consistent but it's very close to being too far in my comfort zone and it's a residential program where I feel I can't expand any more. I can save money, I have a lot saved. But it's TIME. I've worked with 'The Time Wielder' frequency painting for the last few days and some interesting things around constructs have been dismantling for me. I've only felt this way a couple times on my journey and it's been playing it safe that's resulted in the universe 'breaking the cage' with me in it. Over the weekend, I took an extra shift at work so I didn't see the workshop but I could feel it was epic. I have made it a practice to work with the frequency paintings, videos and messages that are presented by the 'let the universe choose your message' and today it was 'Financial Freedom'. I use the full 11 minutes to entrain completely. 'OBE' was yesterday. That was very intense. I've been sobbing harder and have been more enraged this weekend than in ages. Grief has consumed my body, and I've been diving in. I was visited by my father in a dream last night (he transitioned into the non-physical in July) and the part of me I was working with to help grieve him was actually able to go with him. She was around 17 and had always wanted to go with him into his life. It was truly awesome. I was happy for her and after much emotional venting, I felt amazing relief. We spoke about many things, including me moving. 'This is a nice place but you can't stay here forever,' he said. 'Move. Take the chance'. The art housing community emailed me today and I have an interview tomorrow. I cannot explain the inverted drive to move on this; the part of me that could not go went with my father, I had to stay up all night completing that application. I've lived on a campus with an entirely different belief system than me for over 2 years. I completed an intense recovery program to get off the streets of Los Angeles. I changed everything. A new stagnation is not an option. There was a child singing 'I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead' on the playground outside today. I've seen signs saying 'Take Sunset' all day (the name of the house I'm interviewing for is called Sunset House). I can't stay still any more. Forward is my new favorite flavor of life. This is the biggest leap I've taken since the car trip that brought me across the country... And I'm doing it now for 2020 because I'm staying ahead of the wave. If I'm following my calling and my joy, then it benefits the entire collective. And if I fall, I will fall forward! I love everyone!
  8. I am so excited! I thought it would be a bit longer before this Workshop would post. So happily surprised! I love you all so much!!
  9. Time to donate the lemon for a tax write off! Or sell it to a chop shop! Or make cool art out of it! Or torch it! (please do not actually torch it unless there are special effects pros around. I live in Los Angeles, and we see these things ALL THE TIME) There is always someone who can benefit from a derelict vehicle - either people who can fix it, harvest it for parts (don't forget about the tires) or your good old fashioned scrap yard. One person's lemon is another person's lemonade stand! Craigslist the lemon!!
  10. Stephanie Wintermute

    Empowerment

    AHA, yes! I love this! When I checked this post, it was 5:15pm PT, and it had been posted at 10:05am with 55 comments. So, all I saw was hooray, positive CHANGE! (155, 1555.) This is something I have been championing in the past few months, and partnered with the Premium content (I watched the Los Angeles 2014 workshop from midnight until 5am for instance), and the frequency paintings for 'Joy', 'Exhilaration' and 'Receiving' I have come out of creative deep freeze. I have been experiencing the feeling of a creative Renaissance for all of us in this collective, and I'm so thrilled to be a part of this tribe. So excited this is gaining momentum! I have leveraged the vibrational scale in my journey, and passed the threshold into empowerment because of Teal, and her material (as well as a great deal of studying and practicing). Moving out of the 'desire' stage and into the action stages has been blowing the top off my inspiration. Everything I practice I know helps the collective, and it makes it all the sweeter. Much love to everyone!
  11. Last night, I was unpacking my carry on while simultaneously doing parts work when I happened upon the 3 clothing items given to me by my father's significant other during a recent trip to my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. I picked up the white thermal he used to wear, and I began to sob. He recently passed away, and it has been a healing journey of very visceral purges like wet knots in my stomach and heart contractions. 

    I very gently packed the belongings away with other beloved items, and sat in meditation for a while. I've been working with Teal's vibrational painting print, 'Receive,' and I actually felt an aspect of me kicking and screaming because it couldn't accept the vibration of it. I was able to find a memory of being stuck in my crib as an infant where I was left alone, and I was kicking, locked up, and it felt like I was so upset I was both seizing and dissociating. Typically, I go into a memory afterward with my guides, and remedy things intuitively. This time, Teal was there, and scooped my infant self up, where she held me. 'I had to,' she smiled in the memory. I was able to see this, and feel that my infant self knew it was safe, and forever safe in the collective safety we all share in being 'together.' I was able to 'close' the memory within my own 'campus' or 'memory castle' (or 'sanctuary') that one creates for TCP though I've been working with my created space for much longer, and felt resolution. 

    My water fixture in this space is like a tank where I can allow the water, suspended in a cube, to wick out all kinds of inner pollution, purify tendrils of energetic murkiness, and whatever else might be needed. 

    It was during this session that I realized I was seeing myself in the womb. I saw an embryonic version of myself, and through divine guidance brought the vibration of 'Receive' into it with me. 'Hi,' I said, elated to see myself. I had a release, and began to cry as I told this being she would be received fully, in love, and that she was beautiful. I felt these emotions genuinely, and was so delighted. The expansion in my heart space was like a creaking glacier, gleaming with sunlight. The ice in my being had been touched by presence, the light of consciousness. 'I am the womb, the womb I am,' I thought. 'I am the chrysalis, the chrysalis I am.' 

    This evening, there was a part of me that did not want to work on my penultimate college class project. A couple of my guides and I spoke with her in the 'campus' space, someplace comfortable. She looked about 14, and wanted to be a kid. Upon speaking with her for a few moments, I asked, 'Is it that we're about to go on to another class, and you don't want to miss our instructor?' I had a huge break, and began to cry once more, my heart released deep ache. I was able to go back to when my younger self around age 6 had grown attached to her teacher, and was traumatized to leave her behind. I was able to allow her teacher and my mother to become friends, and host after school activities for other little girls who were art sensitive like I had been. This resolved the trauma, and my family home became the warm, bright, bustling place I had always wished it would be. 

    Meanwhile back...

    In my 'campus sanctuary,' the 14-year old had been playing with other girls her own age for a bit. I was sitting with one of the guides I'm closer with, and we were talking some things over. Recently, a coworker had shocked me in a bout of feedback that had manifested as cold statements about the series I've been creating for many years. It's become bigger than the sky, it feels like. 'No restrictions being applied' one of my guides just pointed out on this page. Yeah, parameters will be set shortly. I realized my 14-year old had come back. She wanted to reintegrate with me. We were present with each other for a little bit, and I wanted to make sure this was what she wanted because there was no rush, but she was ready. So, I allowed for her reintegration, and for that of any other part of me stuck in 'freeze', or in 'numbness.' 

    What I saw was truly beautiful. I saw a mental landscape like that of a Chronicles of Narnia mini-series I watched as a child. Like a scene near the finale of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, I saw icy landscapes beginning to thaw, as in spring. I invited all parts of my being to join in with this springtime thaw, and I heard a great 'crack!' as if the stone table had split, a glacier had broken in two. Creaking continued, and became running water. I felt renewed, and 'begin anew' kept scrolling in words across my mind's eye like in a content creator's video. Warmth touched my being, and my divine feminine energy began to flow throughout this experience. I felt instantly reborn, as I had while in 'the womb' the night before. 

    These miraculous experiences are such a gift. I'm truly grateful to Teal Swan for The Completion Process, and for everything that I'm seeing reborn in my life. I'm turning my penultimate project in a bit late, but now, there is another time, and another place for everything. 

  12. I've had a very cathartic weekend/Monday. I've been gorging on workshop videos since I became a Premium member, and I'm seeing the LOA in action nonstop. I have both avoidant attachment, and anxious attachment styles. I also have a 'starving' part, and a part that needs to be received. One parent would not take anything from me, and the other could not take enough from me. I'm in the middle of healing through all of this, and it's been one gush of releasing trauma following another. I just started attending college online, and have a couple close friends that support me through the worst. They accept that I do deeper practices to heal. I am figuring out how to be my most authentic self and continue to do parts work when sometimes I am genuinely surprised that I don't know what I don't know. 

    I unearthed a trauma after 'blacking out' during an extended conversation with a coworker. I can't remember most of what we talked about. Criticism triggered me, and it was like a part of me channeled my higher self and spoke with him, and another part of me was frozen in resin. The coworker and I spoke until he hit my heart with several comments regarding the book series I'm developing, and it was like squid ink was released in a dark, heavy spurt from my entire being. I've read in A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle about the Pain-Body, and how it's an entity that releases during trigger moments, and I've experienced this before, but not as severely. It was not fun. I walked home from work with my hand over my heart the whole way back to my dorm, (I take online classes for audio production, but I live on a campus that helps people through outreach, and residential programs). I felt like I'd visited a butcher when what I'd required was a surgeon. Why hadn't I left? 

    There had been a deep wound exposed, and I worked through a session of TCP when I got back to my dorm room. It revealed that my father had told me, 'no one is ever going to read your books,' as I'd create them from scratch, writing them, stapling them together around the age of 5, and I tried to show them to him. He would not take me, or them as part of himself. He recently died, and it's been incredibly painful to purge the waves of grief. We were close because of shared traumas, and he created another family after abandoning my sister and I at the ages of 17, and 15. Together we mourned this stoic tyrant, and deep thinker, a retired contractor who's 6 year battle with cancer had exhausted us all. I'd known a different version of him since moving to Los Angeles, California after a 27-state road trip, and spoke with him in short conversations. It had helped a little. We had all done as much healing as we could. I had decided, having been deeply hurt living close to him that living far away made sense. 

    I've been on the sidelines as a 'Tealer' for a long time. I watch videos, I study, I put into practice what I learn, I have a hard time reaching out, as I have many deep wounds, and have been through a lot to begin anew on the West Coast. My new goal is to begin interacting with like-minded people (like all of you who are reading this), and those in the industry I'm wading towards. 

    While speaking at my father's 'celebration of life', the last thing I said was a Beatles quote. 'And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.' 

    I want to be the change, and to take others as myself more than ever now, even though so much pain has been surfacing. I know I am on the correct path. I had thought for a long time that I wanted to be a recording artist, but now I'm seeking more of an audio production role. I get to sail the ship, I get to create the ship, I get to create the water, I get to manipulate the water. I am the ship, I am the water. I am. And so it is. 

  13. I leveraged the top of my dresser as an 'open' Bliss Box, with positive 'thank you' cards, ornaments, and crystals I can glance at as I touch base in the room throughout the day. I also have small arrangements of tea boxes with fun pictures, and chocolate bars (crystallized Ginger is my fave to read in passing right now). It help me to immediately have a visual since I can spiral upward or downward quickly with my environment. I love the 'Bliss Box' concept so much.
  14. Stephanie Wintermute

    Bliss Box

    I leveraged the top of my dresser as an 'open' Bliss Box, with positive 'thank you' cards, ornaments, and crystals I can glance at as I touch base in the room throughout the day. I also have small arrangements of tea boxes with fun pictures, and chocolate bars (crystallized Ginger is my fave to read in passing right now). It help me to immediately have a visual since I can spiral upward or downward quickly with my environment. I love the 'Bliss Box' concept so much.
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