For those who are curious, I have confronted my dad. I texted him the night before and we planned to talk the next day. All morning I had anxiety. The idea of not going and just staying home did cross my mind a few times. It was a very interesting experience in some ways. For example all the animals and bugs that ran or flew around us(little birds, a rabbit, bees, ants, humans) as we sat and talked in the front of my grandpa's house. One of the neighbors, during the middle of our conversation, called out at there child "Get into the house before I beat your ass." I felt really interrupted but also on the opposite side of their shadows (if that makes sense) then I continued. At some points of our talk there was silences and we just stared at what was happening around us and sometimes I had to cut into the "flow" or direction of the conversation and redirect it so I could express my thoughts. I even tripped over my words once and it felt like I was babbling. Somehow the conversation had moved to him offering me a car that he's currently fixing so we walked over to it. I was walking behind him and all I could think about was how small he looked to me. I mean I am 1 or 2 inches taller but the feeling might have been similar to being with a child. I wanted to hug him. And I did. Tears and snot ran down my face and my core was full of pain. As we separated my head is trying to turn away from him so I force my focus forward into his eyes into the resistance I had of looking directly at him. When it seemed that we were at the close we went inside and I said hi to my grampa. I looked at both of them and saw myself at the end of this line of people, the similarities and differences in our faces and hair, our blood connection, our intention to be here in this reality and be connected this way. I felt softened. I heard my dad laugh at something my grampa was saying and my first thought was "I love his laugh" which is very different from my usual thoughts that go something like "I fucking hate him". Coming home now I feel almost as though there is more of me. I can't completely explain the feeling I have now, I guess it's something you just have to experience in person. I wouldn't tell everyone to confront their parents but I would say if you feel inspired to do it then it's time.
SideNote: I was actually carrying 2 tiger's eye, 2 carnelian, and a piece of calcite with me during the confrontation.
I hope you found something of value from this that helps you in whatever way. Thanks for reading if you read. Thanks for commenting if you commented. Thanks for the love if you love. 3:33AM