Milkyway

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  1. Milkyway

    You could ask about the person you assume is the one he is having an affair with. Than look at his body language and listen to the words and tone of voice carefully. Do you feel like something is off or just doesn't feel right? Than you can think about your next step and maybe you could talk to the friend again and ask her why she thinks that your husband is cheating. Did she see something or is it just a thought? And than think about how you feel about her, is she a person who would lie to? And why would she do that? Maybe you could just ask him if he is cheating and than observe his reaction. Do you know the person he is having an affair with? Could you maybe talk to her? Does she know about you? How do you feel in general about your husband? What does your intuition tell you ? Most of the time if we feel like something is wrong there is something wrong. It doesn't have to be that he is cheating on you. I hope that he is not cheating! Sending you my support!
  2. Milkyway

    Yes, you are right about that. Maybe I didn't understand what you meant earlier properly so thanks for explaining it again!What I definitely know is that I don't want to say something a thousand times. You a right that someone who would want to listen and understand you would only need one time hearing it. Thank you ! :)
  3. Milkyway

    I think all of you are right about the situation. I need a boyfriend that can handle and understand my jealousy and that can give me a feeling of security, but I also need to look at my past. I need to change my thinking and my behavior, because it is right that I will be like that in any future relationship if I don't change my patterns. Most of the time my jealousy comes up when I find something very little and spin a story around it that makes everything seem soooooo suspicious.Esperanto: He is not a bad person, I can understand that it can be too much for him sometimes. He is a person that is not jealous or at least doesn't show it. But he is doing everything he can. We are two young people and we have to learn and grow with our relationship. I for example never learned anything else than being jealous in a relationship or how to handle my anger differently than being passive aggressive.What I don't agree with is that it is the wrong person if you need to tell him or her what you want. No one can read your mind and it is unfair to assume that the person doesn't want to give to you what you need just because they don't know what you want and need... Communication is key, right?My mom was a single mom and often lashed out at me when she had a hard day at work. She also gave me away to my grandparents on a regular basis cause she is a nurse and had night shifts. She "gave me away" when I was 4 months old for the first time, she was 19 and still training how to be a nurse. When I was 1 year old, she left my dad with me. When I was 4 I was the first time home alone for a few hours. My dad didn't care much about me when I was little and when I was a teenager my mom was always angry with me because I wasn't cleaning the "right way" when I used the kitchen. She sometimes told me that even my dad didn't want me and she was very critical of me, she compared me to everyone and everyone was better than me. Maybe this has something to do with the jealousy and fear I feel?I talked to my bf today and said that he needs to accept my jealousy and that it will be a part of me maybe for my whole life. I said that I am working on it but that I can't switch from jealous to never again feeling like that in a day. Sometimes he didn't reply to my messages of concern and he let me alone with my fear and I said that I can't handle that in my life at this time and that he has to understand me or we have to break up, because I can't live in constant fear. I also said that a relationship if I have one is my number one priority and if it is bad or I have a feeling that something is off I can't live my life until the problem is resolved, bc I need harmony in my love life. He took it very seriously and I am lucky to have someone that tries to understand me, I just have to say what I want and what I can't handle. I also said that he has to decide for him if he can handle my personality and being withe someone that is naturally more on the needy side. So we will see how this will develop. I am not going to have this conversation again soon, if there is no change I need to be honest with myself and leave.I think for now I need some strategies that help me in the moment of a jealousy attack. Distracting doesn't work. So what do you do when you are jealous? Any practical tips? I am grateful for every reply, thanks a lot !
  4. Milkyway

    I think all of you are right about the situation. I need a boyfriend that can handle and understand my jealousy and that can give me a feeling of security, but I also need to look at my past. I also need to change my thinking and my behavior, because it is right that I will be like that in any future relationship if I don't change my patterns. Most of the time my jealousy comes up when I find something very little and spin a story around it that makes everything seem soooooo suspicious. What I don't agree with is that it is the wrong person if you need to tell him or her what you want. No one can read your mind and it is unfair to assume that the person doesn't want to give to you what you need just because they don't know what you want and need... Communication is key, right? I talked to my bf today and said that he needs to accept my jealousy and that it will be a part of me maybe for my whole life. I said that I am working on it but that I can't switch from jealous to never again feeling like that in a day. Sometimes he didn't reply to my messages of concern and he let me alone with my fear and I said that I can't handle that in my life at this time and that he has to understand that or we have to break up, because I can't live in constant fear. I also said that a relationship if I have one is my number one priority and if it is bad or I have a feeling that something is off I can't live my life until the problem is resolved, bc I need harmony in my love life. He took it very serioulsy and I am lucky to have someone that understands me, I just have to say what I want and what I can't handle. I also said that he has to decide for him if he can handle my personality and being withe someone that is naturally more on the needy side. So we will see how this will develope. I am not going to have this conversation again soon, if there is no change I need to be honest with myself and leave. I also found out that I don't have a problem with leaving him or being alone afterwards, instead I am afraid of the pain that will be the result of leaving him. But for now I feel hopeful and a sense of peace. We will see how long that will last. I am so proud of myself!
  5. Milkyway

    Thank you for your kind words. ☺️ To be honest I couldn't find help in Teals videos about jealousy, but they made me think about the theme. Sometimes, when jealousy really hits me, I am out of control. I don't know what I am saying or I can't remember it properly. It's like some demon possessing me. I get loud seldom, but I can be very provocative and a bit like a bully. I know exactly which buttons to push to make the other person angry and I realized that I do it because I want the other person to feel my pain. After this happens I feel so ashamed of myself and hate myself, sometimes I think that I don't want to live anymore. I really want to change and to stop all that passive aggressiveness, guilt, shame, self hate and toxic emotions..
  6. Milkyway

    Jealousy Hi ! My problem is clearly the overwhelming jealousy I feel. I am in a relationship and I know that I am slowly but surely destroing it with my feeling of jealousy and the rage that is the result of it. I feel so sorry for my bf and I hate myself for being that kind of woman. I don't know what to do. My last boyfriend cheated on me and i can't get over the hurt is caused me. I know I am projecting it onto my current bf.. Any insights about jealousy or some practical tipps? I watched Teals Videos about the topic. Also I am often thinking about breaking up because I can't stand this feeling anymore and I feel like he is suffering because of me. How do I know when to break up and how can I acceot that it might be the better option for myself and him? I feel so frustrated and hopeless.. Have a nice morning/day/night wherever you are in the world. while reading this
  7. Milkyway

    I feel so sad because my grandpa died yesterday surprisingly. He was sick but I met him on tuesday and he looked like he really got better. He had to go to the hospital and get an emergency surgery yesterday and than he just died. He's gone and I can't realize it yet. I know there is something after death and I know,that it was better for him to die than to suffer later, but it really hurts. Simultaneously I feel numb and I am ashamed for my grief, cause my grandmother lost her husband of over 50 years and my dad lost his father and I feel like I can't be there for them. I'm isolating myself again and I really just want to dissappear.