Reaper

Art. I've always been adamant since I was little about not doing art as a career. Since I'm fairly skilled in this field, everyone pushes me to stick to it for money. But it's such a personal thing for me and my environment entirely affects my work, I couldn't do enough to sustain myself nor would I want to base my life on it. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to make art even if I do love creating it. I have to feel inspired to do it. The pressure to make it kills that. So art for me is purely for enjoyment, if I end up making a batch I can sell it is simply a bonus.

Work at a wildlife rehabilitation center (what I want to do now), travel around the world visiting zoos, sanctuaries, rescues, aquariums, museums, and photographing wildlife.

Create a safe haven for animals with the love of my life while also using them to bridge connections with humanity. To create, rehabilitate, and care for all forms of life. Show how we are meant to collaborate with nature, not destroy or avoid it. To inspire endless creative ways to do this. Help spread the lessons that animals give, even for simply existing. Give understanding not only for them, but each other as well. Extend love for all species.

I love creating a safe space for people. To be able to let their walls down and just be themselves without judgement. I like supporting them in going after their dreams, encouraging them to do what's in their best interests. And show them that they don't have to go through life alone. That they are loved, cherished, and cared for. Just having to work on keeping boundaries in tack and not let myself be bulldozed or molded into what someone else wants relationship wise. A reminder that I can't meet every need for people and accepting incompatibilities for what they are. That and stop excusing actions/inactions just because I understand them.

Lack of connection, feeling a specific one energetically though they are yet to be seen physically and it constantly tugs at me. Always have been tied to them somehow. Stuck at home, unable to find work, and not doing what I've felt has been my purpose since a child is killing me. Have tried to change my situation yet constantly hit walls that shut me back in.

Mostly my environment. I can't seem to get away from this home that isn't mine. I've changed as a person, completely as an entirely different person year after year, yet disappointment comes when I've still failed at changing my environment. It keeps me from truly healing from my past traumas as most reside here, and not only the house itself but it's owner as well. Yet work hasn't worked out as my body couldn't take what was required for it (endometriosis). Though I'm creating a business together with a friend in hopes it will get us both to where we want to be, the process is rather slow. I love working on our business, but I'm afraid it will be another ten years before I can finally feel free. I probably sound very dramatic, hell maybe I am. But being stuck in my own room constantly being gaslit and reliving trauma isn't my idea of living. I feel like I have chains around my ankles and the person holding them is telling me to run, only to yank them back and my face just hits the floor again.