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About Kikipocodot

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  • Birthday 08/10/1998

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  1. I'm 18 and I would like to grow on my own. I want to have my own lifestyle, I guess. I offered to move out of my parents' house numerous times and they wouldn't let me. They still try to control me. At the same time, I understand that they really care and I respect that. I feel like it would be easy to let go of resistance and do what they tell me to do. But I'm afraid that's not the right choice. I want to be an individual. I feel like they're holding me back. I've already talked to them but they won't stop trying to plan out my life for me, so there's really no changing that. Should I just let them control me?
  2. Kikipocodot

    Thank you @lightworker @walt
  3. Kikipocodot

    I just became vegan literally a couple days ago and I'm already feeling like there's just not enough variety. The rest of my family have normal diets (my mom is somewhat open to veganism though) and I just feel like I'm not getting enough food every day so I'm not sure what to do. Does it cost more to eat plant-based since you have to buy more food to get more calories? How can I make eating plants and starches more enjoyable yet still relatively cheap? Thanks.
  4. Kikipocodot

    What do you mean by superficial exactly?
  5. Kikipocodot

    To be honest, it's kind of a lie for me, but that helps me bring my attention to my feelings better and helps with my self-acceptance more.
  6. Kikipocodot

    Positive affirmations :) For the next week, I'm going to be telling myself repeatedly "I love you, I accept you, everything is welcome" and I'd like you to try it too if you want. Love
  7. Kikipocodot

    Thank you.
  8. Kikipocodot

    My subconscious always wants to be in control of every little thing. If I continue to stay in control, I'll never be happy because nothing will flow naturally. If I let go of control (and I think I would like to let go), there's a risk that I won't grow or learn anymore because I won't have a desire to. Maybe that's not true, but I associate manifesting a desire with planning and figuring out how it will play out. If I let go of control, I fear that things won't work out. I don't know how to let go of control. But even in me saying that, I want to control this process of me letting go... love it ?
  9. Kikipocodot


    No. I still feel stressed. I feel like I just want to hurt myself because I have no other way to get it out.
  10. Kikipocodot


    I don't know. I I'm just afraid to feel scared, unhappy, unfulfilled, etc. But if I can't feel through that then I can't progress
  11. Kikipocodot


    I can't deal with my emotional problems, so I can't make progress and grow. I don't want to deal with my problems because I'm scared to and I just don't want to feel them. I feel the potential to grow but I'm afraid to take that risk.
  12. Kikipocodot


    With this whole spirituality thing, I've learned life is ironic as hell. If you want anything really badly, you have to let go of that desire and trust the universe to do it for you (you want control in your life, let go and let the universe take care of it, then you will have control). If you really don't want something, you have to accept it and welcome it for it to stop bothering you (you want to stop being afraid of certain things, welcome that fear, tell yourself it's okay to feel that way). I read a post on here once where this guy had found a safe space for him to just release his rage. Maybe something like that would be good for you. I'm gonna try to not tell you to stop doing what you're doing because that can send you into a spiral of confusion and frustration. Because then any time your fear comes up or desire for punishment comes up you will tell yourself you're not allowed to feel that way, even if you continue to feel that. You don't have to meditate on compassion. If that's not a part of you right now, that's alright. Not because I think so, but because that's what your soul, I guess, is telling you. I'd say it's also telling you that it's not time yet for you to think back in the past to figure out how these events trigger you. You can think about your past, and you'll be brought back to the present like you said. So focus on what's present, that's fine. That's what your soul is telling you it wants. You're allowed to do whatever you want spiritually. You don't have to follow Teal's or any other spiritual guru's methods by the book. I can relate to this in a way. I've also wanted to convince myself to believe something, and I tried using Teal's method of changing by belief, but it felt just like how you said it felt. So we can go about it differently. This might trigger you..... you probably can't prove to yourself that you won't be punished for expressing yourself because it could happen. I think here, you're relying on and hoping that other people will act in a certain way so that you can feel a certain feeling. So what is that feeling that you want? Maybe it's the compassion. What you can do is understand the moment when people punish you. I'm sorry if this hurts you, that's not my intention. Be there and sit there with the pain when you think about your abuse. Remember that validation means that there is a reason for why something's happening or why you are feeling something. You were abused, but you don't have to blame it on yourself. Even if you allowed it, there's a reason why you allowed it. What's that reason? Do you allow it now, why? Let yourself feel the self hatred, because it will give you answers and allow you to learn about yourself. Be an observer and ask yourself questions as you go through this process. Remember, there's a reason why you're feeling this way, but that doesn't mean it's true. Keep asking yourself questions. If none come up, sit through the emotions and learn about what you're experiencing and why. I just want to convey to you that there's nothing wrong with you. Sorry to be cheesy, but people have made you feel that way because they thought there was something wrong with themselves. It doesn't mean what they did was okay, but you can try to understand it more if you look at it that way. You're allowed to accept the undesirable parts of yourself. There's no right way to do these things. Like Teal said, you will learn no matter which path you go down. From one human being to another, you've got this. .
  13. Kikipocodot

    I think I may have figured something out and it's something I've needed to address within myself for a while. Thank you for your encouragement, it gave me a little push to continue through my fear and you've helped me. I'll add to this thread if I need to talk it out more. Thank you @Amit
  14. Kikipocodot

    @Amit Well the other day I had the revelation of my obsession over control. This can only really be fueled by fear. For example, I thought about how I was afraid to lose my attachment to help from spiritual gurus because I was afraid that that would be the wrong choice. I feel like I need them. Without them, I can't grow and learn and be happy. What if I lose attachment to Teal (no hate towards her of course) and then see that others are progressing and forming beautiful lives and I'm not? And what if, without following her, my spiritual path mirrors how she described it would happen (spirituality 101 to 2.0 to 3.0) and I realize that she is right? Well that means I have to follow her. Now while looking at what I'm saying, I know this is kind of a radical, and maybe an irrational way of thinking. This is the honest display of how my fear affects my thinking. So I tried to make myself let go of this fear. But obviously that's a contradiction because that's just me trying to control how everything happens, and that usual doesn't get me anywhere. I think I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way. I guess that's the hard part. Then I would have to show myself that I don't have to think that way. It's difficult and it stressful to go through this. I genuinely want to do things right. But it just doesn't work out the way I want it to.
  15. This post will be all over the place. I don't feel like I should have to wait for happiness but I still can't seem to get there. I also feel bad that I'm still in the "spirituality 101" phase, it makes me feel like a lesser person compared to everyone else. But I shouldn't feel bad about it. I misinterpret Teal's lessons and I don't fully understand everything. I also have this huge attachment to her teachings and other spiritual guru's teachings because I feel like if I don't follow them and follow them properly, then I won't be happy. I want to let go of this. But I tried and it didn't work. My fear says I need people to help me, but I don't want to feel that need because I know it's unhealthy for me to fully depend on that. I know no one can help me better than I can help myself, but I don't like dealing with the pain. I deal with it for an amount of time and still see no improvement or progress so I stop trying and go back to suppressing that negative feeling, stop being independent and look for help outside of me. That is the problem. And that's what I'm doing here, trying to get help from others even though I know it won't solve my problems. But it's hard facing my problems especially when they don't blow over as quickly as I want them to. You don't have to help me, but I guess it is good to put this out there.