So, I just read the question and felt myself sucking in air to prioritize my many answers, and then a song thrush just flew against the window I am sitting at with a big bang. She is alive, I just put her outside into the shade, hoping she’ll recover.
I think that is actually my answer. I am willing to try and fail, even if I could die. But hoping to survive and hoping there will be someone that offers me a hand to get up again, if I crash.
Would that mean risking my life? It does seem like something I ideally would do if it means I will find happiness. And somehow my happiness is always connected to relationships with people, be it friends, family or a partner, that want me. That I can trust. That are somehow missing in my life.
I am new to this. But linked to the risk factor of my happiness, I would say, getting in touch with the aspect of myself that knows I can trust nobody and is keeping me from finding happiness is the work to be done now. She will let me crash otherwise…
Just went to check on the bird. She died.