I am sorry to hear your life feels this way, sending you love and light <3 <3 <3
Maybe find a coach who already has lived what you are experiencing right now, to turn to for guidance.
I truly hope this does not grow any bigger, you can help so many people of given the chance to.
Als towards your question, what is currently holding me back is my fear of criticism. Haters. Also fear of failing and ending up broke and dependent of all around me.