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About Matei

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  • Birthday 11/01/1993

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  1. You are very welcome. Takes no time or effort for me to write a long post like that Yes, i get that it felt out of your control, but don't try to control it and instead relax.. then you will find the way in which you can actually have control, which is by cultivating an authentic relationship with the innocent part of you that holds the key to manifestation and keeps manifesting all this, and it wont let you touch that key until she trusts that you are on her side fully and you understand and validate what she is going thru. It all boils down to the splits and fragmentation. So pull all your parts in, by sinking into your body and letting yourself be like this At the same time there is another part that feels left behind every time you fall for someone and put them above yourself.. that is where the frustration with your own behavior comes from, it comes from abandoning yourself in wanting someone So balance wanting someone with wanting to be with yourself. At the same time balance the part of you that dislikes the constant falling in love with the part that wants lots of love. Balance it only by knowing that even though you can't please both at the same time, you can give both parts what they actually need, which is you validating, accepting and loving all the parts of you that are still separate Good luck to you
  2. Mereu am fost multisori aici
  3. It can only be romanian, unless there is a "j" at the end. Why do you ask? : )
  4. Hi It's very understandable that it's painful to you. Being rejected is not something that we should try to like just because we are told that there are positives in it Look at it this way. Every time you feel that hurt you have an amazing opportunity to validate the part of you that feels maybe silly or naive for falling in love like that, by talking nicely to her and acknowledge that there is good reason that you act this way, hoping for that experience that you envisioned with that person. Maybe you feel things so intensely and you feel such a real connection to them because you are so aware of the divine within each person, but many times they might not be aware of that about themselves. Maybe it keeps being manifested for you just as the best learning ground, that teaches you that you will not be able enjoy someone else's approval, love, understanding, acceptance until you approve, understand, accept and love yourself thru this series of ongoing heartbreaks, even if you might have to go thru it alone, you will not be alone forever, you are not cursed or doomed.. you are just being shown the way to make the step of committing to yourself instead of waiting for others to rescue you Often the subconscious urge to be with someone is due to the longing we have for our own love and acceptance, which is also felt during the experience of someone loving and accepting us. Our society has been twisted and corrupted enough that we ended up believing that true love is a kind of fairy tale scenario where someone rescues someone else and loves them forever, when in fact that does not work long term and even in short term it creates lots of anxiety because we basically hold ourselves hostage to the other person's ability to love and accept us. That kind of Romeo and Juliet love is not real love, only the ecstasy of an attached kind or romance. I wont pretend like i know what real love is, but it is not that for sure, it hurt too much to be love, it was only me trying to escape. I imagine that real love is between two people who can be truly strong in their own individuality, thus accepting that they need another, but from a space of allowing and surrender, not anxious attachment. I have no proof for that yet, but i decided that i will trust in this intuition Don't waste any time thinking about why they did this or not did that, because any moment spent thinking about that is a moment where you are not fully in your body, feeling this and letting it ignite the inspiration it was meant to ignite. This is manifesting only to give you a chance to surrender to these feelings that are being triggered by the pattern. The best way you can allow yourself to feel this fully, at your own pace and as slow as you need in order to feel safe, is to learn to be soft with yourself and give yourself the benefit of the doubt, don't judge yourself for being naive, because the part that might act naive is only trying to express the innocence that others have stepped on in the past... maybe that is why she expressed the innocence in a childish way, falling in love so effortlessly Also maybe there is also also alternative C. which is that maybe the person is on such a different path that it made no sense to be with you/ it just didn't happen because their inertia was in a a completely different direction. Or maybe they did run away, who knows. You say that this happens again and again... then don't add to the pain of rejection by rejecting the feelings you have or rejecting yourself for being 'not good enough for them' If indeed you are not ready for a relationship then maybe take it easy and take things slower when you find someone who you are attracted to. We often leave ourselves behind running for someone else Hope it helps
  5. No sister. This is not real life
  6. In real life i would tell Laura all that i wrote initially. In real life you would most probably not tell me what you felt the urge to write to me above, implying so much in such a short sentence, in such a passive aggressive manner. I did not write you those things, nor did i initiate a conversation with you Instead of trying to protect her from the harm i was apparently trying to inflict, maybe tell her what you advise her to do or how to go about the situation I don't know what you think about this profile who you know since the old tribe, but the person behind this profile went thru fucking fire and is not even close to being what i was before. But you seem to know what my intentions are so well, since you know i intended to put a nail into her head Since i replied to your unnecessary comment, which i initially was not going to do, i will also say that when people are in such a state as the one described by Laura, they are inbetween and do not make decisions. I told her what i told her, again, from vast experience, and even though i did not go thru exactly what she is going thru, i still relate to the state very closely. Life's lessons are hard when we sit on our asses, but there is also much compassion for us humans, that is why my post looks like broken glass covered with rose petals. It looks that way to you. Let me ask you. Why do you feel the need to protect her from me? What do you think about men? i don't want to hear the answer because it is none of my business what you believe and do, but maybe answer to yourself Stop trying to take things down and instead offer what you have to give to a thread. Or do the opposite, your choice. You cannot really know if my post will help her or not, you cannot really know what she will get from it or not. But you think you know, there is a word for that but insulting is not something i prefer to do anymore. Let her decide if my post helps or not, don't try to decide for her Don't let me stop you, You are free to keep doing what you do when you feel like someone is giving negative advice, or whatever your thing is. I would only ask you to consider that you act here only how you would act in real life. If you can look into the person's eyes and say some of the things i see you writing here, then great. If you would not be bold enough in real life then don't do it here either. That is what i learned about online social settings and i recommend it to anyone
  7. Maybe. But i meant no harm and most probably i was just talking to my past self or some subconscious thing like that. So given that i meant no harm, i will say that even harm can prove to be beneficial in the long run. Yet i cannot help but notice that big harm is done often more subtly, In a way it is the same issue with Teal having told the suicidal person to decide if they want to commit to life or to death, after which the person has committed suicide. Some say it is Teal's fault, but how can it really be when Teal only shun a light on the indecision of the person, and made it more obvious to them that their self hatred was deeply rooted enough that they would have killed themselves anyway. In that case it was the self denial that killed the person, that is only an observation Thank you for the reflection
  8. Prea tarziu : )
  9. I'm glad you feel better Trippy, isn't it? : )
  10. Hey I am sorry that you feel such grief and pain Even though everyone has their story and goes thru similar things there is no one who has felt what you have felt. Your experience is unique, you are unique beyond words Yes, we feel humanity's grief. We feel on behalf of the people who are not willing to feel and in this way we free humanity. Your role is so important in this It is not fair, it is too beautiful to be fair. If it helps you in any way i want you to know that i also have lost everything, both people and also feelings that i had that were beautiful. I want you to know that i understand how deep it goes and how overwhelming it is. Feel free to feel as deeply as you want, even if that means going to the place of "there is no meaning in this, i just want to be gone". There is absolutely nothing bad that can happen to you as long as you actively allow all this to be expressed thru you, as you. Be this! Be what this pain and grief inspires you to be. Hold nothing back and spend every present moment actively allowing this grief to be as intense as it may, allow yourself to think anything, i mean literally anything, no matter how depressing Yes, the purpose of all this is to die, a death that is much more powerful than the physical death. Dying while still having form is a gift. Life's role is to completely demolish us, burning us until there is barely any ash. Then rebirth There is no controlling this and everyone goes thru it in their soul's journey. You are so beautiful. There are no words for how beautiful and outstanding you are. I know it hurts. I feel you. I know that you feel grief that transcends space and time, cultures and millennia. Let your heart be filled with grief until it explodes, let it destroy you and don't fight it. You cannot fight it and you cannot run. I know it is scary and it feels like death. It is death. There is no hope. It is all lost, all the things that you innocently put your hopes in are lost and i am so sorry that it is so. You deserve happiness and freedom. You deserve connection Maybe the answer is to focus on the present, and in the present we can feel and think anything about the past. That is truly being in the present, really committing to being what you are, what you are is amazing and there is nothing wrong with anything about you. There is nothing wrong with feeling lack, it is okay to feel alone and to not know any better than to abandon yourself Nothing you ever did was your fault, nothing that happened in the past was your fault. It is not your fault if you abandon yourself. You are now in a very powerful position to escape this terrible matrix of attachment, this web of codependency. Escape it by letting everything be stripped away from you. Hold on to nothing, hope in nothing, try nothing. Let this happen. I will not tell you that this will make you happy, it will not, this IS death and what is after it is for you to discover, it is a path into the unknown. Isn't is exciting? Think about it. Do you want to get back the things that you lost? what would you do when you lose it again? it is not sustainable, it is not happiness, it cannot be fulfillment. It was only meant to burn you to ashes There is no promise of happiness that i can give you, no technique of visualizing anything, only an invitation to go into the unknown, there you can only find yourself and discover yourself like never before. You are magnificent All you have to do is sit still and survive this no matter how much it rips away from you. It cannot take what you are deep down, at your core. What you are is indestructible because it is no thing, not separate, it is the fabric of things, the loving space in which miracles unfold.. the miracle of life and death. There is so much love You are dearly loved every single moment of your existence. Let ease guide you You are doing great, your role is essential I wish you much joy, happiness and fulfillment!
  11. It's so refreshing to see that other people experience this, in their own way. The best thing to do, for me, has been, and still is, to keep the desires and dreams alive. I can relate very well to what you say This society is kinda set up to make it really hard for people like us who have big dreams, constantly getting told to settle and be grateful for what you have, to not be idealistic and all that bs. Yes, it's very important to be fully grounded, but it is just as important to not let anything take your hope of something really beautiful away from you. For me the thing that gives me the strength i need to keep going is not allowing any belief or external energy or force or wave etc to touch my hopes and dreams, my desire for fulfillment and connection So my advice is to move forward with all that you desire most and go for it with the purest intentions and calm actions, because no matter how discouraging and dark things get, you can't be stopped. Make jokes about these things you experience so intensely and deeply, never let it get too serious.. that is what i learned Good luck to you and keep on imagining ; )
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  13. Imagine what would happen if you would let the thoughts be as fast, chaotic, intense or ugly as they may be and do nothing about it. Imagine if that would not move you one inch. It is natural what you are experiencing, there are many challenges when you start to use your mind consciously like you do. Don't let yourself be moved by any thought that comes thru your mind I think i experienced something similar, maybe. After 'floating around in space' for a few years as i became more conscious, i started to come back to my body and mind, to my amazement my body still had the cells infused with trauma and my mind had limiting beliefs active. After that it took around 2 years to really let go of the belief that it is wrong to be so Don't worry, you are on the right track, whether you see it or not, allow yourself to say to yourself how you feel about this disappointing phase... that will help dissolve the contraction with which you react to this happening ; ) Dissolving the mind? why would you want your creation machine to dissolve. Imagine how much you can create with it. You, like everyone eventually, will be able to instantly create a new belief whenever it is needed, for example "having loud and uncontrollable thoughts means nothing about me or how evolved i am, it is only a sign of my highest evolution unfolding in the most miraculous way" Play with that thought If you want to share more i would love to talk to you Yes, it is true, being in the head space is not the best thing. But imagine if you allow yourself to be there and instead bring that space more towards your center. Do that with conviction and nothing will stand in your way, then you will feel the dissolving that you long for, then we dissolve in the heart space where nothing is judged, not even a mind that has horrible thoughts Let me give you an idea and you can play with it if you want. Sit in a quiet place and listen to your thoughts, i am not saying to observe them, but instead really listen to them, feel into the space they come from. Maybe the thoughts will start moving towards frustration, or trying to ridicule you for your attempt, anything might happen with them.. you just feel into the space they come from. To focus the determination to do that you need to breathe deeply and relax your muscles as much as possible, let your eyes defocus. Listen to the thoughts and if any one of them trigger you just focus on breathing and relaxing any muscle that might contract. But do not try to detach from any thought or try to assert that you are not the thought. Let happen even the thoughts that say "i am thinking this thing". What can a thought really do to you anyway? create an image, a sound... if you really think about it a thought can't do much to you. So leave them be and feel into your body The more you react to your mind the more energy you throw out the window, that is the energy you can gather to think powerful and focused thoughts In the 'meditation' i just described focus on gathering energy thru breath and give none of it away, circle it in your body until you have enough of it (give it some time) to think one powerful, empowering, and purely positive thought. For example "The process i am going thru, as tricky and challenging as it may seem, is only the greatest lesson right now, to lead me on the way to real spiritual and mental power that i desire in my life. I now declare that nothing that happens within me is a setback, it is only a clear sign that my true self is coming forth, longing to express truth thru the person i have been put here to be" say it out loud with confidence. I promise you that if you think something like that with enough power behind it, it will sound like thunder in your mind and any mental noise will be reduced to silence in a fraction of a second. Then the thoughts might start again, and you repeat the process with more and more powerful declarations/ thoughts. As you practice this also focus on the feeling of confidence and stability that this will create and feed that feeling thru more powerful thoughts. Be aware that the mind is powerful and things will happen that might trigger you or disappoint you, but let none of that touch you, instead stand straight and declare that there is nothing wrong with it I will emphasize this.. you can only do that if you breathe deeply in a relaxed manner, inhale deeply thru your nose and push the breath out long but with no contraction in your body. Find the rithm that is best in any given moment. Hope this helps Good luck