My naivety towards academic philosophy and academia in general. As with any state controlled entity, evil people tend to rise to the top, since there is no free market control (or any control for that matter).

I dont know, maybe to interact with evil people, as a result of not listening to my intuition.

Buying a house, a car maybe, some animals. But other than that, I am not limited by a lack of money right now, but by a lack of support.

Bigger: Claiming I can survive on my own Smaller: Believing that I have to survive on my own

Travelling

This website, a little city with a medieval core I discovered for myself (Mölln), ice-cream, the hope of getting a partner.

Reason with them.

Fear makes me lose my connection to myself. I start distracting myself. Getting what I need does help me, reconnecting with myself.

Teal Swan, because she is successfull, powerfull, rich and most importantly safe. I am in terror, because I struggle with my buisness in a really triggering way (it feels like other people are dismissing me, devalueating me, standing in my way).

Seeing the truth.

Caring for my dumb, toxic brother. He totally abuses and scapegoates me, since I can remember. I am the older brother and he actually is just my half-brother. So, I always found it was my responsibility to make him a better person. I dont want to do that. I hate that guy. He is an adult now and still didnt change. And not only that, when I really think about it, he was responsible when he was a child too. He knew it was wrong. That is actually the essence of abuse. It wasnt that he just had a bad upbringig and imitated my mothers behaviour. He knew how wrong it was and did it anyway. I dont want to see him ever again.

I would start to allow myself to relax and feel secure and protected. And other than that: Buying a home, where I can feel secure. And I would start considering having a child (maybe not so much because of the money, but because of the security). Other than that: I have a plan now, of what to do with my life and I would pretty much do that, what I would do anyways.

For nothing concerning my life and Im really ashamed of it. Now, I see how I wasted so much time waiting for my parents to change or to help me, instead of asking people who actually would help me for help. All this waiting is getting me nowhere, but still, Im so fucking scared to make a move. Like a little child, being observed by a hungry anaconda. As long, as Im perfectly still, she wont notice me, but the second, Im moving, she will strike me.

Asking people to be professional, when I believe they wont be professional.

I kept avoiding answering this question. It's not that I didnt had a clue, but that I found the answer trivial & embarassing. I was in waiting mode since 2019 and things good really ugly, when Corona started. So, right now, with Corona almost gone, where will I be in 5 years? Still waiting? Honestly, I wouldnt survive 5 years like this. So, basically I have to move or chose to end my life eventually. If I chose to move, I will propably be successfull and have a family. Most of my childhood trauma - or at least the really unbearable part - has been worked through by me in the last two years. So, I believe, I would have a good life, if I chose to move.