EvenStar

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About EvenStar

  1. Yeah, this blog really reminds me of my own experience. I used to be a mormon for 30 years. I was taught that our church was the only true church. At the moment I didn't realize it, but this idea gave me a feeling of superiority. Everyone else was wrong and I was right. After we left the church we expereinced the disapproval of mormons who saw us unfaithful. We learned what it felt like to be treated by others as inferior. We were on the other side of the coin. When I realized I have made others feel this way, I felt awful. We left the church after we were bullied in the street by a church leader. It's true mormons teach charity but many times in the practice they do the opposite. We were rejected by our leaders for complaining about things that were not right. People we thought were our friends stopped talking to us. It was obvious the leadership warned everyone about us. And I hated mormon church leaders. I also fantasized about temples and chapels blowing up. But not only that, I imagined these leaders being hit by lightning or getting hit by a train. And it felt good. Sometimes I felt I was evil for thinking this way. I felt guilty. But I learned to accept my dark side without condemning myself. when the time was right, I was ready to move on and start healing. If I ever lived in the Middle East and people killed my family, I'm sure I would have become a terrorist and killed everyone, just like Rambo in one of those movies everyone likes; because it's ok for Rambo to kill everyone and it's ok to to watch this and enjoy it, right? Because Rambo is the good guy. see the irony? The hypocrisy of the society we live in? Someday we will be faced with the ugly truth that sometimes we do things that make people hate us. (Like when I acted superior, for example).
  2. I'm a little confused. I thought source was pure love and light. And that fear and hate were the abscence of source. Now I hear source is everything, source is war and is peace, etc. does this mean source is fear and evil too? Can source be love and hate at the the same time?
  3. I may not agree with you in everything you say but I think you made a good comment. I myself have wobdered about this. I wonder what teal means when she say people live more like animals than like people. What does she understand by a " primitive state"? In my view, there are no many differences between us and animals in general. And by us I mean all of us in every country, including the US of course. In fact, I like animlas better than people, since they are more authentic than us. If teal means people are in a survival mode, then I will have to agree with that, however, this happens in the US too. Maybe at a smaller scale but still happens here too. I live in Salt Lake, Utah and walked by the homeless shelter downtown once, I was terrified. I felt people were going to rob me and I had to get away from there right away. In that moment I realized why that street was so empty and why it was so easy to find a parking spot there.
  4. Teal just described most Latin American countries. I myself , many times, wish I could blend the best of all worlds in one. I started with my own family. I try to learn from the best features each member of my family has. In the future , I like to go backs to spain, but I would like to be able to live in a nice home, like the one I have here. That's the hard part.
  5. I wouldn't like to be Teal right now. It's awful to feel the hate of people around you. I guess, if I would continue with the center, it would be because I reaaly loved it. Otherwise, I would reconsider my strategy and change some things. I could also reconsider my priorities, how is this affecting my family? My personal life? My health? Is this worth my peace of mind? Can in handle more pressure in the future? There are many things to consider. Sometimes we move forward, some times we change routes. Some times we want to help people but people don't want to be helped. If I decided to stay in this route, then I would make sure to get to know some good people around me, expand my circle of friends to love me and support me. This is what I would do, But what would Teal do? Only she knows all the details and challenges of this situation, so it's hard to offer options. it seems unfair to give advice when we known so little. Teal knows better than anybody what is best for her and her family and will make the best choice she can.
  6. Yeah, I pretty much agree with everything Teal has said. It was same old with Hillary (which gives you some kind of stability), or radical change with Trump, which probably will result in more violence, discrimination, racism, more corruption, the poor will become more poor, etc. and while most of us want change, we also want to avoid the pain that electing Trump is already bringing. The hope is that people will awake after all this suffering. I am not sure about that, since the recession was hard on Americans and many lost their jobs and homes, and people still view others as separate from themselves to discriminate them and abuse them. Let's hope this is what they needed to awake. What is certain is that trump is the antithesis of love and maybe he will help people realize what they don't want to finally seek for unconditional love. Right now, the condition of people's hearts (teal calls it shadow side) is very sad in my opinion. I was heart broken when trump won, since he is the embodiment of intolerance and racism. This choice showed me that trump is just the reflection of how people feel and think. As a society, we are becoming more radical, racist and materialistic.
  7. 2) when we were bullied the leadership told us to forgive and forget but never explained how to do this and seemed very disappointed when we were not able to to do this. It was like we were doing this on purpose. At some point we received a letter from the mormon first presidency saying that " we were troubled waters since we were not able to move on". They placed the responsibility of their failure to help us on us. We felt guilty for a long time because we tried to forgive but it just didn't happen automatically like they wanted. Today, we still struggle with moving from the mormon religious life to a secular life. We resigned our membership but we struggle with anger, depression, feelings of betrayal, loss of self identify and loss of life meaning and many other issues. How can we heal from religious trauma? How can we move on to a new life? It's not automatic for sure.
  8. Great post Teal. You pretty much described two things I struggle with: 1) authenticity , because I live in Utah and most of my closest friends are mormons. I disapprove the mormon church and the Mormon religion for several reasons,but mainly because we were bullied by mormon church leaders in the area we live in orem. I like to say what I think and feel with respect, but my mormon friends still get defensive and take it like if i am attacking them or disaproving of them. My visiting teachers stopped calling me and stopped visiting with me after one of these authentic conversations. They said once they would be my friends for ever but that changed when I expressed my discontent with their church. Now I dont say what I really think anymore to my other mormon friends. We talk and deep inside , I know I'm withholding information . It's hard not to hate myself when I do this. I feel like a hypocrite. How cancan I be authentic and not loose my friends in the process?
  9. I don't live in the United Kingdom but I felt sad when I heard about these news of separation. I persoanlly think is more about money than anything else. Most likely, after the separation, the UK will not have financial obligations with the EU anymore. No more helping poor countries that belong to the EU. Those funds will be used somewhere else. Hopefully, they will not be used to increase politicians salaries. But what still,bothers me is that politicians use the immigrant issue as their platform to gain votes. If there is anything wrong with any country, politicians like to blame it on the immigrants. That s the way it is almost everywhere, specially the US. The media and politicians advertise these ideas to the general population creating fear and separation. While immigration is an issue hard to handle, there are solutions that can be implemented to benefit everyone, not just one side. and it's not fair to blame immigrants for the problems in our economy, when the people responsible for the economy are many times, corrupt politicians that makes themselves rich at the expense of the rest, like is the case in Spain and other countries.
  10. until

    I am so excited about this event. I am thinking about registering, but I am not sure I could stay all three days. would that be possible to just stay for two days? I hope someone can let me know. I really just want to stay for the main events, like when Teal gives some workshop or talks on some topics. Is there is a schedule of events? This would be helpful so I can decide when to stay and register. I'm ok with paying the full registration but I know I cannot make it the three days. I want my husband to come with me and he would not stay that long.