Mark Joseph Middleton

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About Mark Joseph Middleton

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  1. Yep that same unquestioning obedience is in a lot of things. I wanted to comfort those doubts in you. Its in people and people put the need for it into institutions. If it wasn't in people, then it wouldn't be in the institutions. The church would be without it. But the same goes for schools. Some corporations. The government or police and many others. It's all the same, it all comes from fear and a need to control. Do we need control and rules and regulations, yes certainly at the moment we do. A coexistence requires vastly different personality types to be able to exist, in part because people don't feel happy with the part of themselves that gets triggered when a personality type they don't like comes into the room. Then of course there are many different needs that are all trying to be met by fixed systems, people feeling powerless to do it themselves, which are never going to be able to take the place fully of someone meeting their own emotional needs. Yet physical needs, security is required, having the power on is required, many things are needed unless someone is willing to be these systems for himself or themselves, which is a lot of continued effort. Does everything have to be so uncompromising. No I think its absurd and creates a lot of problems. Its the difference between a police officer who is human who will walk into a situation and be human, sort it out and move on, and the one who gets hung up on rule 4 section 5 paragraph 8 about how someone replied to them. There is a dehumanising effect when things are written down because you can't see the other person, and yet more so when things are decided ahead of time, how you should react, what you should say, what you shouldn't say etc. It's impossible for me to see you, see your body language, and communicate with you. Instead I communicate with how I interpret the text you've written. Which is the same with strict rules and regulations, its in the past, not current, not in the moment and so less human.
  2. I know what you mean. You want to nurture yourself right? Hold yourself, hold the painful parts and allow? Even if you can't name them, I often can't, you can still be with yourself, hug yourself, work out when something comes up, why it comes up and then what it means in your life. The name is less important. At the end of it, allowing the feeling and being okay with yourself will be even more important than anything. Being okay with who you are. Picture something nasty that was said to you a bit ago. I'll give you an example. Someone said to me. You have to have things your own way in the middle of an argument. And for many years I resisted this. I resisted this feeling of wanting things my own way. But it is true. I do want things my own way. I like to lead. I like to strive for things. Achieve. I have to make a conscious effort to see things from their perspective when I want to. Which isn't usually in the middle of the argument ;) but afterwards. And for me, the person I was arguing with, was exactly the same. They wanted it their way. So I then get into why I feel that way. And then what that feeling was at the time. The fear and uncertainty behind needing to control the outcome of something basic like survival needs. At first I couldn't name uncertainty, but if you want the way I worked out what it was, it was working backwards like that. From the argument to feeling. I am okay with the part of me that wants it his way, that wants the certainty. I made friends with that part, that comes across as defensive and arrogant when pressed. I just need to catch myself in the fear and uncertainty a bit quicker and be friends with that too.
  3. What are you feeling. What are you feeling inside? What are you not expressing? What do you stop yourself expressing to them? What parts of you are not okay to speak to them? What parts of you, do you not like or love?
  4. They cause harm on subtle levels yes. As does metal on your body. As does the house being made of metal for example. Daniel winter is a good teacher for the science behind it but it is very much like trying to learn a second language following along. Wood/ Granite/Stone etc are better materials to build things out of or have around you. While electricity works almost in opposition to the bodies bio electrical field. If you can feel subtle fields, then you just need place your hand on some metal and often that's enough, or try to feel it. Same with turning off the computer screen from a touch Someone summed it up once to be. Things that grow the aura or shrink it. Its an abstract way of understanding it without too much science.
  5. Where did you get me not wanting an answer. I say it so people know they don't feel they have to answer a question. People sometimes feel put on the spot, especially when you are talking to the hurting, powerless bits, and I add that to reassure them. It can be empowering in itself, making that choice. I am not 'acting smart' I am 'being myself'. These are your projections. Sure I live in head space a lot, you know that, but that's part of me. Why am I asking the question, to point someone at themselves. There is more to answering though of course, I love the connection, I love being there to help, I love sharing life with people, I love being part of something, even for a brief post or two. So you've gone through a post of judging what is participating and what isn't participating. Maida you don't get to regulate what people post and what people don't post, to better fit in with your opinion of how they should communicate. Were friends and when I talk to you sure, I do think about it, because I am talking to you. But when I am speaking to someone else, it isn't just a reflection of me/you. There are other people involved, people I don't know. So I give the best i've got into uncertainty. As for not liking how much I write again lol. Tough.
  6. Well I am an aries tarus cusp I don't like to give too much of myself in case it isn't right for him. Which is sort of the wider point A lot of what an aries is, is invalidated in me. Is it in him? Anger, drive, passion, aggression, forward momentum, leading, doing. I even hesitate here, doubting whether revealing more about myself is going to help him. But that's part of what an aries is as well. Some people don't like the forceful side of others. They resist it obviously. This isn't wrong or bad it just is what it is. I resist it as well. Self made leaders are a good thing people say, but only when they are leading in their direction :D. The tarus, or mental aspects of me see's and observes all of this. I have trust issues, with showing the more forceful side of myself, does he? So now for the tough questions, how do you invalidate or validate his aries side. Be honest with yourself, no need to post it here. Do you want to encourage that side of him? As a partner? I don't think there is anything wrong at all at looking after our partners, friends, family if they are hurting or you can see they are wanting to be something but conflicted. I am not saying do things for him. That's the opposite of an aries, but pointing people at themselves is always, for me very valuable. I don't know him. I don't know how he reacts to it. With fire ;) no doubt, but afterwards if that fire is allowed (not as a doormat as an equal) probably he might react with love. Sometimes it takes a day or so for me to get over myself, but I am a tarus too so I am as stubborn as it gets , hopefully your man is easier ha. All the best.
  7. Set the boundary that you don't want them peeing in doors? I take it he cleans all that up right? The smell and the stains? If he's not doing that, and they are his cats, i'd put my foot down and say hey hold on a minute. I live here too! and I can't stand the smell! Tell him and see if he takes action, if not and you've been honest with your feelings in a clear way, then he's not being very attentive to you is he. Tell him that too and most importantly why you feel that way. The why is absolutely critical. So people know and are not guessing. But yeah play with the cats a bit, if you feel like it, if you don't then you don't. You say you are jealous of his attentions on them. Does he pay attention to you enough? Are all your needs met? Do you know what your needs are? Is there fear behind the jealousy? Who told you, you were a weird person for not liking something? They were being weird You like what you like and you are who you are. All the best.
  8. You can't overcome it for him. Only for you. Or by consensus, you both. I am not the right kind of person to tell you how to be financially free, others I hope will answer with that. I can only look into your words and see your reliance on him and your family. Just as I do. And I know you have reasons, I know, I know, I know. I do too. So maybe think to yourself 'I am having financial issues' or 'we are having financial issues' this would bring it closer to home and somewhere you could do something about. Its more uncomfortable sure, but its more real. If it's not a great job, if you and more importantly he feels that, then it won't be a great job. If he, and again I stress HIM, feels it isn't a great job why doesn't he start looking elsewhere. Are you sure he doesn't prefer feeling the comfort of familiarity and doing what he knows etc? People stay in crap jobs for all kinds of reasons. I don't know either of you, I have no idea, I just know there is a reason why we stay where we are, and often it relates to fear vs comfort. Hope it helps. It is a bit general, and I hope people bring you more solutions. But if you want to take this on, as your financial issues, you'll be attracting more solutions. You probably already know this but anxiety is perfectly natural, especially when we feel we can't change something. We feel 'powerless' about. And yet you have someone like me reflecting back to you that you are 'supposed to change it' Is that what it is? You have a powerless feeling and a feeling that you should be doing something? It is a horrible state i've been in a lot, I feel for you, and maybe talking you through this was a way to show it, or show you the opposite if its wrong. All the best.
  9. Feelings don't need to make logical sense. Just express them. No. Never. I think everyone will hate the real me in the end. I feel you. Thank you for putting this into words. Do you love yourself? Some parts of me I love, some parts of me I don't. And so often some parts of me people love, some parts of me people don't, because I feel that back. If they don't love me, do I really want to 'belong' to something. I stop and I stutter and I doubt myself and I hesitate or pull back. Not belonging gives me strength, security, disasscoation protects as well as harms. But there is something deeper when I type this. Why do I need to belong to anything. I hate that word now I type it. I can be a part of something sure, I am all the time, like here in this thread. But belonging it feels like I am giving myself to that the thing, and that scares me because I don't trust people. They hide themselves behind many masks, just as I did and sometimes do. So I don't feel that connection to them. How do I deal with this. I have one single friend in the entire world who has the capacity to hold and return who I am. The anger, the childish fun, the constant fearful insecurity, the part of me wanting to help people, etc etc. Without wanting to run off, or harboring resentment. One friend. Nobody else can. Not yet. And that includes the fear inside of me, the fear of connection to another, that I experience returned. Its mirrored and yet she is still my friend. So that's helped. A lot. I'll meet other people that can because that is inside of me now, the knowledge they exist and the capacity for me to be with my mirrored self. Where before I had the opposite. Before I had the fake self being reflected back, people holding their tongue or not saying what they really felt, because that's what I used to do. It's a step up that you want these things, do you see that? It puts you in the direction at least, and the fact you can see/feel the resistance in yourself is a huge thing. That way you and your being can do something about it. I wish I could tell you it was as easy as just thinking, I belong because X but then we have all these Y reasons we don't belong :), and all this experience telling us otherwise. Then we have other people, and in a healthy relationship it is a 50/50 arrangement to belong anywhere. If there are more people, it is easier. With more people however the group takes on some of the qualities of those people, and quite often I don't want to be around those qualities. I am calling them qualities as in the right place and time they would be. All the best.
  10. Picture all the scenarios that could happen here and then ask yourself the question again. You have a relationship and then go your separate ways. You last as a couple a long time. You never really make it as a couple in the first place and split up soon after. Now ask yourself do you want the surgery. Do you want the surgery. Nobody else. Because any of those above can happen. I compromise with people, but this isn't one you can take back. So is it what you want. Ask yourself that a lot and take a long hard think/feel about it. If it were me i'd want to sit on the idea for a couple of months minimum to run through what it'd mean for me, i'd want to talk to people that did the surgery and were honest/real with me about what they experienced or felt. I would expect there are some forums and communities that can help answer this question in great detail for you. Go be bold and ask them what they experienced in their life. If you are tense start there, be brave, get into the tension and put those questions out like you are doing here. All the best.
  11. @Adi123 Thanks for the video link i'll have a watch later today at a lunch break. For now I've done what you are trying to tell me to do. It didn't work. Some parts of me couldn't be reached by a positive focus outlook to life, so I was in this self loving high spiritual state while still avoiding parts of myself. I needed my anger, my shame, my guilt, my love, my joy, my elation, my sorrow, my apathy, my acceptance. I needed all of myself and always will. Yes I can hurt others. How much shame and guilt I feel for doing so depends how much of it is reflected in them after i've said what i've said. Because i'll be feeling that too during the conversation. I can be angry and not be attacking someone, angry and trying to lift someone up from powerlessness for example or defending someone or something. If I am angry and trying to tell someone how life is, to tread on their identity then yes I might feel shame and guilt. So I am very clear here, I am using 'I', not 'you', because I respect your identity and what you've been through. Am I a junkie for emotions? I can respect that I could get to a point where I want to feel too much, just like I did with spirituality, but after having the opposite for 30 something years I ain't there yet @Pastor George Part of me wants to shout at you and say there is no such thing as an overreaction and the other part of me wants to say, if you thought it was, then it was for you But its your decision either way on that, there is no one else that can set that standard or belief in what is the right 'expression'. I've stopped doing so. I express what I feel and sure sometimes I feel like framing it in a thought, or like here giving you two sides of it. One part I see in your words. Do you see how you assign a victim-like role to the person attracting conflict? In reality both people involved in the conflict made the situation happen. Both of them were victims and both of them perpetrators. If you want to frame it like that. Me I just see it is a natural part of life. There were no victims in the conflict if they both went into it willingly. I am not talking about a man beating down his wife here, or a mum abusing her son, I am talking about two people who come together and argue. It's just an argument then it's done. If the anger can roll through you and then be done. If you don't hold on to it. If you don't worry about it as much. Worry about what you say to someone sure, but I can give you a more personal example. @Mai-dahas helped me see people are not all made of glass. They won't all run off when I get angry with them. They'll still be there afterwards. It's meant a heck of a lot to me that I have that example in front of me now, of someone who is capable of holding anger and being honest. They feel whatever they feel afterwards, then they are honest with me about it and the entire exchange is said and done. So what I am I saying, it depends who you are with @Pastor George. Their capacity. Do you see how some people would just shrug at all of this and say that was like a walk in the park, a bump in the road, and others would make a huge deal out of it, would never speak to you again, habor resentment for days to come? A resentment that they don't express for whatever reason, so you feel it. Probably because they too were told anger was bad, wrong or negative, so they hold on to it, and don't speak it.
  12. It depends how quick anger moves through you. It can be cleansing if it is in the moment and done. If it sticks with you for a quite some time, maybe a few days. That's going to put you in angry situations, but otherwise its just going to roll through you. At least me anyway, nothing manifests quickly for me. Forget what teal says about 5 minutes, for me it takes a month of concentrated effort if not more, that's the reality I am in. I know it can be faster, I've experienced that, but I feel that's reserved for higher(faster) vibratory states. Why is anger NEGATIVE Anger is just anger. No more or less. What we do with it, that's on us. Chances are high though that this thread may produce anger eventually
  13. Anger reflects anger. So if you are angry, chances are you are going to meet someone who is angry too. Why did it matter that someone was angry with you? I could get angry with you here. I do a lot. Well for me, it matters, (becomes material) because then we are angry too, if someone gets angry with us, we naturally take on some of that. And angers fine, it does things for us, moves us, protects us, points us to the pieces of ourselves that hurt, but nobody wants to be there 24/7. It'd be hell, you feel the nerve endings fried inside. That's my take on anger, from someone who gets angry quite a lot. Who is around a lot of it. In places where people get angry. Anger is not a constructive emotion, its a destructive emotion. So it depends on your goal. If you goal is get the heck out of this situation or protect someone or some piece of yourself, anger works for you. If its to reach a consensus or build some sort of rapport with someone, very rarely will it get you there. So when someone comes on and says help me I feel powerless. Anger could help them yes. But unless they've got some idea where they are going or what they are doing, then its just like throwing rocks at a wounded person on the ground. For me grief often comes before anger, sorrow, sadness, crying for that part of you that is powerless, holding that. That's what I feel after I feel powerlessness. But powerlessness has its place too. Its a powerless feeling that puts me on the floor, but maybe I needed to be on the floor at that point for whatever that is going to happen next to happen next. That had to be okay in me too, because there was feeling inside of me buried by it and I was never going to get to them without feeling powerless. I can guarantee you now its a step up from avoiding numbness or despair. I've been in a lot of resistance to the type of thinking you are looking at here. A lot of resistance. A lot of anger about it. Because its angry :D, it comes from a place of anger. Angry at seeing so many victims. And the cycles that keep repeating for them,and me to remain there. But we are all victims, and we all champions. We are all weak, and strong. I know this inside now. Take an example. A lot of people i've met in the last couple of days feel superior to others, its a vibration I can see in people now, at one time I think I did as a way to protect myself too. So they get angry and into this state when they feel this part of themselves touched upon. They might not want to admit it at first, but that's why they are angry. Its a piece of themselves they have not acknowledged, and usually won't until you poke their ego if you feel in the mood for a belt of anger and truth in the face :). Don't know what the discussion was, and I am certainly not calling you or anyone superior. This is a general observation of my experience of people i've met recently. It could be not acknowledging they like to behave in a certain way, so they get angry when that is touched upon rather than admit it. Other times its because they are protecting themselves, or wanting to move away, or you are threatening their identity in some way etc. Is there some part of you that's powerless and that's really hard to acknowledge or be around. I'll give you a hint because you've been there for me a lot, there is in everyone. Hope it helps
  14. That's what you start with. Restlessness, Uncertainty or Whatever feeling you assign to failure or not getting somewhere. This is how it works, with whatever you feel. Do you see/feel the resistance to it? You may need to find your words for it, not mine, i'm just pointing you at yourself. I get restless all the time, impatient, my knee taps my leg up and down restlessly. That's part of me. Today I interpreted that part of me was telling me to go for a run, so I did, and I felt pretty good. But before this process I would have resisted it.
  15. You never move beyond your emotions. That's the point. They move you. There may be emotions beneath apathy. There may well be emotions other than apathy. Whatever you feel inside of yourself needs to be okay to feel first. Else you are avoiding or burying it. Yes that powerlessness is powerless. It'll put you on the ground. It'll make you curl up in a ball. That's maybe what you need to be doing right now. I've been there, hurts like hell. I still go there time to time. But its okay in me now to do so. So it doesn't get stuck, I don't get stuck. We avoid it, we eat it away, we gamble it away, we drug it away, we work it away, we self help it away, we rescue others it away. If you are okay with it either being there and/or moving through you, whatever the emotion needs, not just lip service but you are actually okay to be in powerlessness its a choice. And then you get it in your head and heart that its a choice. But first you have to be able to be with powerlessness. To see why. To see what's there. Something in you needs you and/or some else right now. It could be a baby you or a child part of you, picture that, picture you being there with that. Picture what you'd do with child you or baby you in the same emotion and then do it. Because nobody did it for you.