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Sue B

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  1. I have always felt it's a positive thing, I even get the shakes from or after movies. The worst experience I've had was at a "New Age fair" or sorts where they were doing a communal Sekhem attunement. Now, I had already been attuned to that energy stream as a practitioner and had experienced major healing, nevertheless during the group session I experienced the shakes and was welcoming this new enhanced level of shedding and healing, when some well-meaning individual to my right, not sure if a facilitator or participant, pinned me down and stopped the shaking! She probably felt virtuous and enlightened for it, but I hated her guts for interferring with my process. My beloved Stepmum had just died and I could have done with the emotional release. At the time my boundaries were so poor that I felt unable to turn around and tell her to back off, especially being in a trance-like meditative state at the time, but I would never let someone stop me shaking again! When I have been comforting people in a pastoral care role I let them shake, I held them, but I never stopped them shaking because I instinctively felt that this was an important part of the healing process.
  2. Sue B

    Stockholm Syndrome

    Hi Vanja, Thanks for your positive wishes for my situation, I really appreciate the support! With regards to the gambling, as with every addiction there is no logic behind the behaviour. I explain addiction like this: if your brain has a reward centre and dopamine, you can become addicted to something. Fulstop. What that something is, varies form person to person, but we all have the capacity for addiction. Maybe gambling is not your thing, so you find it hard to empathise with the attraction of that particular activity. I used to feel really judgemental about drugs, because I would never take them. Butm one day I saw a bunch oh heroine addicts on a pier by the seaside. It seemed to me like these people's spirit was absent, distant, looking through their eyes as if through a deep sea camera. They felt the world was so unsafe they had to do something that created distance between themselves and their embodiment. I felt so sad for them. Then, one day I realised that I am doing the exact same thing in different ways! The metaphysical aspects of Heroine addiction as described by Teal describe me to a T, as do the descriptions she gives in her bulimia video. Now, I am not, and have never been, bulimic. However I hold in myself that pattern. Alcoholics Anonymous say that the person is always an alcoholic, there are dry alcoholics and current drinkers, being "alcoholic" is in the personality. I realised then that I was in essence a heroine addict, even though I have never used. Maybe you are a non-gambling gambler, hence your curiosity! I think Teal has a video on gambling, have a look. X
  3. Sue B

    Stockholm Syndrome

    Vanja, I think it is a question of awareness of your soul fragment being inside the other person. It's a bit like seeing an item you know to be yours in another's possession. You look at it and think "wait a second, this doesn't belong there, this is mine!" sometimes this might be all it takes. Other times you may want to follow other methods for soul retrieval, doing completion process, shamanic journeying, or some method / visualisation / meditation / ritual that you devise yourself, and that is meaningful to you. The very latest you will get your fragment back is when you or they die (provided full detachment from the third dimension occurs). I realised following this video that I had a fragment inside my Mum. We had not been in touch for two months, but in those two months leading up to her death, unbeknownst to me, her health had deteriorated and my body had been reflecting this. A Reiki practitioner who had taught me a meditation to charge up, kept not believing I'd been doing it, because she could tell that I had what she jokingly called "the pissy little aura of a dead person". The night my Mum died (in another country) I fell unconscious and part of me went out of body to attend. I was unaware where I had gone or why, only every time there was a sound in the room where my physical body was I was yanked back into body and "woke" with a start, only to fall unconscious again, because I clearly needed to be elsewhere. The following morning I felt AMAZING and full of energy. When the phone call came, I immediately knew Mum had died. I knew I had attended to help her cross over, but only yesterday when I saw this video, did I realise that I had in fact also gone to retrieve my soul fragment. You can use kinesiology to determine if you have a fragment inside person x. The answer may surprise you. I had been expecting to find one in my Dad, but didn't. The answer to the gambling question is less complicated than you think: it is the fact that you get a reward (win) unpredictably that gets you hooked. Designers of slot machines and casinos know that. They study psychological reinforcement cycles and make sure that a reward is given often enough to get you hooked, especially at first (and online gambling makes it easier for them to tell if you're new...) but infrequently enough to make it so they get more money off you than you off them.
  4. Sue B

    Stockholm Syndrome

    Thanks Teal, this is such perfect timing to remind me. Just had the conversation with my husband last night. We've been together 20 years and have been telling ourselves we're soulmates, met under the most unlikely of circumstances, he helped me LEAVE an abusive relationship. But unfortunately I am emotionally starved in the relationship. There has never been true intimacy, partly due to my own trauma. I have been sharing my boundaries every now and again, asked for little signs of affection and attunement, he feels overwhelmed and cannot deliver. Sometimes I get really upset and decide (without saying it) that it's over, and the moment I do, bam, the intermittent reinforcement starts and he gets lovey dovey. It infuriates me because it proves that he CAN in fact attune when HE CHOOSES. He knows EXACTLY when I am pulling away emotionally, in an instant, and gives me just enough to make me stay, then withdraws. Now I have a do or die health situation and realised that the reason I am here is because, while EXPRESSING what I want, there have never been any consequences for him. Last night I said that from now I wanted 3 signs of affection and attunement each day, him to have some agency and make some minor decisions like what's for dinner, or when to go out (he's usually passive), he has heard all this before, I said I wouldn't repeat it, or keep count, it was up to him to hold himself accountable and he might wanna make notes. In a month's time, based off of how I feel things have been I reserve the right to meet these needs in other ways and through other people. The passive aggressive meltdown was there, not explicit but energetically, OMG. It scares the crap out of me having to act on my "threat", I am stuck in "only through you", but I have to if I want to live. Thanks for reminding me that what he is doing is in fact intermittent reinforcement and that it doesn't make you a bad person. I am guilty myself. We both have intimacy issues and are making each other MISERABLE as hell. It is so sad because we love each other and are highly compatible, except these patterns that have gotten more and more entrenched. A lot of work is needed before we can be close to each other or anyone. I am having feeling signatures or despair and fear for life from pre birth come up, when my Mum revealed to my Dad she was pregnant and he was not happy, there was the looming threat of being aborted for the third time. I have been conditioned via the amniotic fluid to keep a low profile and be undemanding for the sake of survival. It's a hard pattern to break through. Ironically my Mum herself didn't really want me. I was narcissistic wish fulfilment. She wanted to BE a Mum and recreate the intimacy she had with her Mum before little brother was born, but my needs were never part of that equation. Especially since she went back to full time work 6 weeks after birth.
  5. Sue B

    Second Chances

    Well, I feel like my final chance of succeeding at something has just been taken away from me this week. How about that?
  6. Sue B

    Reset

    Here's a hack if - like me - you can't get to your home town: just like the self-love water Teal teaches in her self love challenge on facebook, I have started making homoeopathic remedies by writing their names on paper and standing a glass of water on it for a few mins, I call the scraps "homoeopathy coasters" and I swear to God, it works!!! It was helped me with nosebleeds, trigeminal neuralgia, growths in my sinuses, sciatica, chrontic fatigue, rheumatism etc. Well beyond what can be explained by a mere placebo effect (initially I didn't even believe it would work, I was just desperate). So I thought "Hm, I wonder..." and made myself water with the name of my gestational town and the year of my birth on like so: "...town... WATER ...year of birth...". I just used kinesiology testing to see if I needed a sip, and sure enough, yes, I did. Having moaned in an earlier comment how utterly disgusting the water from that town tastes because it has a TON of limescale in and is recycled waste / river water, I can tell you: IT WORKS!!!! This water I made tastes absolutely disgusting!!! It blew my mind. I even got slightly nauseated after drinking it. Try this, you have nothing to lose!
  7. Sue B

    The Downside To Optimism

    I am feeling absolutely crushed by my own negativity this week. Have given up on my dream and concluded I probably have to stay a slave to "the man" for the rest of my life, unless I escape by dying. I wish I could feel a shred of optimism right now...
  8. Sue B

    Reset

    That's interesting. The town where I was gestated is probably not the same where I was born, though my Mum will have spent some time there. And where I was gestated I absolutely HATE the water. It's the chalkiest water in the world I reckon: you buy a new kettle and within a week the limescale is 0.5 cm thick and it breaks down. I feel very drawn to the town though, but unlikely to be allowed to travel there again. Not sure I'd want to ask someone to post me a bottle of the water...
  9. Sue B

    Stability Aid

    Beautiful! But I am more in the mood for transformation at the moment... My current favourite is the Lyra frequency painting which came up recently on Let the Universe. I feel such an affinity. Almost like I can read the Lyrian "signature"...
  10. Sue B

    Release

    I have been sorting through piles of which books I want / need. Wore smokey quartz yesterday - in preparation... What about prehenite? I ordered one I felt drawn to especially because it mentioned letting go when I researched it...
  11. Love that beach! And I love Merc Ret!!! Always get so much of my backlog cleared whenever it's on, excellent time to tie up lose ends. If you don't struggle and insist on trying to move forward in the areas ruled by Mercury, but allow yourself to go with the flow / tide and look back, it can be one of the most rewarding times of all!
  12. Very good observations! I am a native German and visited Berlin in the aftermath of unification (in 1995, so 5-6 years after) and the contrast between East and West was stark, like a bone-graft that had gone wrong and the bones had started healing without having been properly set in place. A latent agression was there, but hope thanks to that amazing counter culture. I loved the graffiti, took many photos, and felt angry about an English tourist conplaining about it. I also agree it's the epitome of the whole of Germany, thus appropriate as a capital, but volatile from all that suppressed shame bubbling like a volcano just beneath the surface. The rise of neo nazism as an ideology is an expression of that. Very hard to find vegetarian / dairy free food, true! And that restaurant example is excellent. It's the national sport to cover up the ugly and hope for a new beginning without having processed the pain underneath, at both a personal and societal level. I had to leave Germany and am no longer a vibrational match, I dread going, but when I do it gives me heart and there is a sense of hope and improvement struggling against all that suppressed trauma, like plants coming up through cracks in the concrete...
  13. Sue B

    Immunity

    Sadly I didn't see this update until it was too late. I had a serious self hate relapse yesterday, self abuse actually, I completely overworked, and joylessly, not with enthusiasm. I tend to not find the water exercise helpful. Don't know what it is, I don't think there is anything or anyone I love enough to make the water any more loving than my baseline status quo.
  14. Oh my God! This workshop is AMAZING! I found it because I looked up "Motivation" and the "how do I get out of bed" question appealed to me. But ALL of these are so relevant to both myself and my husband, and are things we have literally been talking about and wondering about for several days if not weeks! Gotta listen again and make notes. I felt the adoptee section applied more broadly to unwanted children in general.
  15. Sue B

    Easter Update With Winter

    Have not done too bad then this last week sorting through old family pictures and connecting to my ancestors!
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