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Zenzizenzic

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About Zenzizenzic

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  1. Zenzizenzic

    Teal's Spirit Mineral

    That episode is already posted in Teal's articles for those who can't wait! It's about the blindspot for niceness. Growing up around "a helper" who I was constantly indebted to without getting many needs met, that article is more super validating than challenging, and I think it will be that way for those of us who tend to "want rescue" rather than "being a rescuer".
  2. Zenzizenzic

    Lose-Lose

    Uhm I took what you said seriously but nevermind.
  3. Zenzizenzic

    Lose-Lose

    I don't know where I assumed. But I take back all suggestions. What would have been valuable to you instead?
  4. Zenzizenzic

    Lose-Lose

    Advice like all but the first two sentences of what I wrote, or which of it? Misconceptions and manipulations like what?
  5. Zenzizenzic

    Lose-Lose

    I hope Teal will make content about retraumatization in attempts to heal or attempts to reach out. It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot of shit alone. How do you feel about "continuing to be stuck" in pain? It sounded like a choice when you said everyone would turn against you then. Of course we know no one wants to be stuck in pain, if it appears so it's just that it's worse to pretend to be pain free. Get clear on what is the most you can hope for about each struggle, for example maybe you can't believe you will be pain free, but can you hold the desire of someone to be present with your pain? If that is not believeable to you, can you hope for redress or the acknowledgment that you were let down in the worst of times? Anything you can hold in mind that is a going-towards instead of a push-away. Regarding karma and next lives, what do you think the illness and extreme pain could have as a purpose? Or what have they resulted in? I also wonder whether it is right that we will be sent back into a life of magnified struggle if the struggles we had in this one didn't resolve? I listened to some audios by Rudolf Steiner, and I didn't find him referencing your situation specifically, but I think he said that to choose death could lead the person to seek progress in another world. Or interpret for yourself at 35:40 https://youtu.be/zd9-daVRm1I but I don't think we are given the same challenge in the same way twice. (If you like him see this as well https://youtu.be/PNf3XpxzTqc )
  6. Zenzizenzic

    Hate Is Hurt

    Wishing and Willing Harm was my blindspot card of the day, anyone else?
  7. Zenzizenzic

    Healing

    Great, thank you.
  8. Zenzizenzic

    Healing

    Thank you for this message. These few last days have brought up suppressed things that have made me feel like everything that was worth living for, life itself was being taken away. It was very hard to remember anything I've learned in that state, but I vaguely and mechanically remembered only the phrase "respond don't react" and sat outside on the stairs with the full moon until 2.30 am because the reactivity never ceased. Does the Completion process book address what to do when you don't remember the first time you felt something, or much of your life at all?
  9. Zenzizenzic

    Coffee

    Yes I'm the same with gratitude exercise! Never connected them before. Thank you for your videos! I like that kind of sober spirituality. You are very tangible at the same time, and analytical and true. Yep, let's talk there I have some walls about positive interactions too, like withdrawing to preserve them.
  10. I'm so sorry. You deserve being all of yourself.
  11. I'm so glad! Love that becoming a burrito was part of the solution. Maybe it was a young need since infants are often wrapped... Can I ask which part of you didn't want to sleep? Unless it's private. ☺
  12. Zenzizenzic

    Coffee

    This is so strange because I randomly scrolled and clicked on a heart wall video of yours (only after watching the garden video)! A video with a beige sweater. When I tune into my heart it is surrounded by dark red, almost black bloodied wall fragments and clots. Or tar? I will watch your newest videos on receiving as well, and healing the solar plexus chakra. Thank you for sharing and connecting despite our walls. I will meditate presence with the heart aspect we share relating to self-impatience. What aspect of feeling failure relates to it? Is it like you feel something is required from you to earn love? Today my connection walls touch on feeling required to be and do something, and afraid of being a burden. My father had a primary need about being valued, so I have a deep habit about pretending to be thankful and pretending to have been helped. I feel I have to "be valuable, be thankful, and get out". Does any of that resonate with you?
  13. Zenzizenzic

    Coffee

    Thank you! Oof. I have a variation to your receiving theme. I'm drinking 3-4 litres every day but still dehydrated. Maybe that means not being able to receive even when physically putting oneself in loving situations?
  14. Resistance to processing a trauma? What are the nightmares about, we process negative feelings through nightmares, when we aren't owning them consciously. Insomnia is so debilitating
  15. Zenzizenzic

    Coffee

    Fun topic. I was thinking too, with caffeine we're borrowing something else's energy like our activities don't have enough intrinsic value. I get extremely dehydrated from the smallest amount of coffee, what is the esoteric meaning of dehydration?
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