I hope Teal will make content about retraumatization in attempts to heal or attempts to reach out.
It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot of shit alone.
How do you feel about "continuing to be stuck" in pain? It sounded like a choice when you said everyone would turn against you then. Of course we know no one wants to be stuck in pain, if it appears so it's just that it's worse to pretend to be pain free.
Get clear on what is the most you can hope for about each struggle, for example maybe you can't believe you will be pain free, but can you hold the desire of someone to be present with your pain? If that is not believeable to you, can you hope for redress or the acknowledgment that you were let down in the worst of times? Anything you can hold in mind that is a going-towards instead of a push-away.
Regarding karma and next lives, what do you think the illness and extreme pain could have as a purpose? Or what have they resulted in?
I also wonder whether it is right that we will be sent back into a life of magnified struggle if the struggles we had in this one didn't resolve?
I listened to some audios by Rudolf Steiner, and I didn't find him referencing your situation specifically, but I think he said that to choose death could lead the person to seek progress in another world. Or interpret for yourself at 35:40 https://youtu.be/zd9-daVRm1I but I don't think we are given the same challenge in the same way twice. (If you like him see this as well https://youtu.be/PNf3XpxzTqc )