Well. I can tell you I've been through the same. And what I did was pay attention to synchronicites. At some point I downloaded talk life and some other apps for people with mental health issues. (Teal trive has a lot of teal trained practitioners btw) I posted something in the education section about wanting to talk to a counselor even though I know the way most people get someone is through traditional methods. In this way I began a conversation with a scientologist who lives in israel. He is a mature man who is 40 or older but he is my kindred spirit and one of the best friends I've ever had. We live together now because my family has never taken my best interests to heart and bc of thier victimization and treatment of me I almost committed suicide but now I use the help of this man and also talk to a therapist who does parts work, and also a completion process practitioner. This is the way I plan to heal. He protects me when I have nervous breakdowns gets groceries gives hugs and even though I am the family scapegoat with a million issues like extreme anorexia, sometimes bulemia, hoarding, walls built to keep pain in, nervous breakdowns and panic attacks he is able to be there for me. I also use a lot of teals crystal recommendations and food ideas. Btw. If you dont understand synchronicites....please please use these!!! The only way I was able to make a clear decision to recieve all of this help was by the power of the intuition and the heart. Please learn about this and if you dont have anything else to do for the day or feel stuck, let the universe choose your message will start speaking to you. I try to see what messages I get the most to try to prioritize what to work on. Also. If you tell a therapist, hopefully a completion process therapist now that you know about them, about what messages you've been getting maybe they will accept you, bc I've received a lot of offers for support through teal tribe and the completion process community. One last try now, ok?