I think that you are too tough with yourself. You think that you are not fighting, but behind the curtains all energy lost is because you are fighting the subconscious, which by the way is trying to help you (just doesn't know how). Does this sounds right?
"Whatever I do, it won't change the situation I'm in" - full desperation as a result. I had it the same for years. And Teal's approach helped me: "don't fight it, try to understand it". This plus the completion process plus two helpers were the refutation:
Building willingness to see myself as I am without lies and illusions. Jumping into the fire.
Honesty and understanding! Gentleness towards the mind and the emotions. They are doing all this to save us. Just still don't have the evolution to execute it right - they need help and time.
And know: It is hard! It takes time! I had a massive help! Teal.. Teal has a massive list of soul qualities that is not exactly clear when the average human will possess . Watching and listening her it looks easy - but it isn't! Of course Sweet Teal is innocent. She is so cute trying to help. Her mind catches so many things, resolves them and explains them. If she knew there are certain qualities you need to posses during this process would probably make a full video for each one. I think, for her it is not exactly clear what is obvious for us and what is just complete mystery.
Oh that was too long. As short advice: start solid with a meditations (type: examining a topic) on the 2nd tip - "Gentleness and understanding towards mind and emotions.". And find people you can write about the process. I'm not an expert, but probably can answer some questions. There should be other people to do the same hire.