Ebaby

Hey don’t change for anyone unless you want to be better for those whom it concerns. Later in the video Teal says our memories are cataloged in our emotional bodies. I need to do parts work more. I relate because I want to dissociate everyday. And I need to spend more time with myself. I wish you more time to yourself and healing✨

I’m avoiding pain in relationships, avoiding connection. I’m working on my confidence but I never want to go back to loving people like I did my abusers. Why? Imagine realizing your a stupid girl everybody wants to take advantage of you and you basically do what Teal said “you either rebel against everything or become a person who does what anyone wants and think that’s how to get connection. Imagine doing both both extremes with nobody checking in on you. What I needed was time and a caring care giver. Now these people want to use anything against me whether it’s my beauty or love I have to give because I finally learned how to give it to myself. I love myself more now I was just in a box of needing to have a relationship with me. Everyday is so strange.

I literally said that the part about giving yesterday as I was watching this beautiful woman giving to the homeless in Los Angeles. We can make our own jobs By giving definitely when you’ve been taken from so much. I think the trauma of unfairness is heavy in everyone. I remember thinking telling people my horrible horrible problems (friends, family not coaches or therapy) being looked at with wide eyes not knowing that I’m doing exactly what was done to me. They want to say hurt people hurt people whilst true who catches you. You think you’re out here fighting others when you’re really fighting yourself not knowing that you’re doing this. Who’s tired? I am when you grow up around people who don’t know if they wanna be your friend today or your enemy tomorrow. Today I’m gonna go to work and let them stare at me, let them be who they are, we can’t stop no one from making us feel uncomfortable. I can exude my energy outward and still hold my values because I know what the universe is going to give to me it’s gonna be awesome!!! Serve the runway ✨

I related so hard and cried because Tristen's anger unlocking towards men. I however see that I’ve allowed my hatred towards woman who hurt other women and the fact that women would do anything for men. In trying to not be like my mother I became just like her only hurting myself in ways in where I really do deep shadow work because the self hate was real when younger. Dealt with social anxiety, cutting myself off from my emotions, triangulating myself to stay connected with people who were clearly hurting me. Desperate Defective Doll. The kicker is that the women in my life showed me that they weren’t going to consider how I felt. I just left a work place environment filled with women who didn’t see me and it did make me feel energetically sick. Now I’m in better environments around better people because I realized how intuitive I was and how growing up it made me sick to not be honored as a person for who I was. That I choose to live my life without those people I hope to have my own place by making money doing what I love and marry my rich husband. I have high hopes for myself and I’m doing the things I want to do. Realizing how blessed I am and how individuals that have been crafted by the universe to inspire the world go through very traumatic experiences. I don’t want to be concerned with being seen as good(which we all can slip into this shadow) I want to be ok with seeing myself as a person who tries to smile and follow her joy and that is enough to feel and there is nothing wrong with that.

Not accepting my reality. 11:11 I choose free will. I’m happy but when I’m around jealous unsupportive people I start to move around work environments like a fight for survival. I am worthy. When I walk into establishments and I’m paying my money I want to walk out if I’m not greeted properly. And when I’m in these environments it makes me want to do everything by myself which I didn’t see was hurting me. I lost my love from learning from people because there’s a lot of people who want to be mean and gossip about you. I refused to get help from people who can down you. But I can walk away from them and that will do more than staying and showing people I’ll win despite your opposition. I couldn’t fathom for a long time an environment that helps me grow and express myself freely. I paid for CP and invested in my broken heart💔 the same heart people don’t seem to want to be loving too.

Best workshop video ever. Own your truth everyone even if it isolates you and makes you the bad guy because I’d rather be the bad guy then to keep subjecting myself to people who remind me of the people who did not protect me and support me growing up. We are not our thoughts. Disidentify with those toxic thoughts over and over again. Show to your self that when they left you alone to your lonesome. And when you were being delusional because you were lonely and isolated. And didn’t speak up for yourself didn’t tell on your Piers. You have a very great heart. That’s why people don’t like you because you keep processing your emotions which people do not do. I can’t understand why someone would be jealous of people who are in control of their emotional state in any given situation. And I’m actually OK with getting that kind of hate because I know it took me a very long time to be as emotionally stable which again I still feel it could be better. But nobody is going to take what they ain’t build away from me. And neither should any of you.

My attachments because I felt So isolated growing up and having healed it’s still a big part of my growing process. But no longer do I use these things as scape goats. I feel like there’s no other way but up to keep going and I’ll never stop.

I make myself smaller by allowing people who talk to me however to hurt me personally. I work hard everyday to be kinder to people, animals, my phone, kids that I meet but, who I am I find it hard to even conceptualize smiling when people talk to you bad and hurt you but yet they hurt because you stay far away from they fake a$$. I make myself bigger by being myself actively looking for how can I make myself feel good, walking into a room with my head held high, walking into places and conversations not expecting to be hurt. Yeah I think I got to get back in CP because these haters can hate and at least I use the little bit of money I make for therapy. I'm tired of being isolated and as I look for other jobs to work I’m not gonna settle.

This has to be my favorite video. I relate to this girl so much. I’m glad she’s not isolating herself and she has friends with her. So much goodness here and very relatable I’ve lost my spunk and the more I blame my mom for still invalidating me I have to really grieve that. I haven’t been invalidating myself about how I feel, the fear has taken over. I’m gonna be watching this everyday. My truth that I’ve changed because of other people if I don’t remember it when it counts, I can feel so disturbed.

A lot of things so the best thing I can do is invest in myself which will help me with my fears and loneliness

I’ve lost falsity and currently ride in reality.

Stop enabling myself and other people and watch my manifestations grow.

I’m avoiding checking on my health like going to my primary doctor and even switching doctors. I’ve been in a dysfunctional relationship that I just left and now I can’t avoid taking care of myself because I’m not an island on my own and I’m allowing and accepting that I was traumatized and I am successful by transcending beliefs that no longer serve me. Self Validatiing myself so I take care of my health little everyday.

My priority is to stop suppressing who I am. And why it’s a priority? Because I’m in this awkward trance of fighting my parts. I started CP and just like everything I beat myself up for my inconsistency but I’m ready to get back. I’m ready to Please me! and make it a good thing.

Giving people multiple chances with me. I don’t hate you I can speak to you but if I’m not your friend I’m not gonna act like it. Which frees my mind and helps me work on speaking up for myself clear and direct.