Oh gosh! That second conversation ... I can't describe it differently than just actively cringing with my whole body while I'm watching it. I am literally shaking my whole body just wants to get it out like I'm in a very disgusting liquid or covered with bugs or something. I've never trully trusted myself like this before in relation to my dad being a gaslighter. In general I have trouble trusting in anything that I do and I've been seeing myself as disgusting and never knowing why I felt this way. Because everyone else always says, your dad is so loving to you and such a good dad and a good listener for a man. Reality is he's never ever in m life looked at me and saw something nice. Never ever! Oh gosh that's so disgusting.