I chronically assume I will be disappointed, that I will not get what I deeply desire, or if I do it will be ripped away or lost to me some how. I gave up even knowing what I wanted for a long time because of this, then I realized I don't know what I want or where my boundaries are due to this. Then I went on a mission to figure this out and now have found the reason I gave up on these ideas a long time ago. Fuck I need help with this one.