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nearu

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About nearu

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  1. nearu

    Gaslighting

    I caught a cold(?) too for the first time in probably a year. It must be a sign...that I'm meant to be a part of Teal's team?! I knew it. Cheers to the hardworking little leukocyte dudes and viruses?..well I don't know. Should I thank them for something too?
  2. nearu

    Shadow Motives

    I can't tell anymore why I'm doing or not doing most things. Whatever motive I come up with seems like a lie. I know that as a general rule it all usually comes down to needing safety and/or connection but I can't see it in myself.
  3. nearu

    Borderline Personalities and CP

    All these personality labels like BPD are getting so confusing to understand, I don't know what's truly me and what I've just been conformed into and what's there hiding within. Inside, in one time or circumstance I'm this, in other that, in imagination something else, on the outside the complete opposite and so on and on and on Pretty much every single thing I hear about seems to apply to me to some extent and I don't know if I'm really that messed up or I'm just deluded or what. Either way I'm en route to madness and destruction and it seems like all I can do is watch.
  4. nearu

    Energy Technology Pt2

    Do they accept kidneys or...souls?
  5. nearu

    Worst Date Ever

    Yeah, that's how I would operate in the past, now I mostly just get the hell away from everything and everyone. I'm 6w5 apparently but I'm divided on so many things that these kind of tests don't make much sense to me.
  6. nearu

    Worst Date Ever

    If only I could just tell myself that and stop doing it. Whatever's there is not listening. Nope, still nothing.
  7. nearu

    Worst Date Ever

    I don't have one...yay, another opportunity to remember how much of an abnormal freak I am and self loathe for attention and sympathy
  8. I can't imagine Teal's singing voice, I'm really curious about hearing it. Please don't be shy, dear, even if it's something very amateur, many of us would love it . (Un)coincidentally just yesterday I was thinking how I'd like to hear her voice in something other than talks in videos, audiobooks and meditations, something that would not require attention that I could mindlessly relax to, like a lullaby
  9. I don't agree with such method of scaring, intimidating someone/oneself into changing their behaviour. To me, thinking of awful consequences doesn't do anything apart making me feel worse about myself. It kind of just doesn't register, on some level I delude myself this won't happen to me even though it's clearly apparent. Or if it really gets worse, I can just kill myself. No matter what, I'll subconsciously come up with all kinds of justifications to continue my behaviour and addiction.
  10. nearu

    Grateful For

    I'm somewhat grateful that my body still hasn't given up, I'm still alive despite torturing myself so much. Although often I wish I wasn't. As for people in my life, I'm torn, I'm grateful that they exist, but at the same time, I wish I could distance myself from them. I was about to mention my gratitude for finding Teal and her work but then I got carried away and forgot to mention it. Other replies reminded me, so yeah, there's definitely that.
  11. This night, before this video was posted, I dreamt about 'choosing' Teal over my mother. It's hard to describe it since my dream recall is bad and there are a lot of surreal, nonsensical elements in them. All I know is that it involved some bizarre ritual, something like astral travel with some task - a question to answer, success and feelings from euphoria to guilt which unfortunately I can recall only very faintly. It's just a little odd considering this daily update Teal's community post topic and the fact that I never have Teal in my dreams and rarely remember them, interesting synchronicity.
  12. nearu

    Beauty Products

    Feels like I'm in some kind of secret women's meeting I don't know what most of these things even mean and how and what for they're used but I'm sure I could at least benefit from face massage as my blood flow, especially in my face is odd. I've always been pale and just breathing exercises can make my face tingly. This will go to my daily habit list and hopefully I won't give up on it after like..2 days.
  13. I guess we have to align ourselves with our higher self to find our true desires and as we do it, they shift to the point where basically everything starts to make sense. Look at addictions, when you're completely out of alignment, they can appear like genuine desires.
  14. nearu

    Today's Mission

    Oh man, I'm already looking for excuses and justifying why I can't do it, I was about to post a whole paragraph about it. In my mind doing something like this seems worse than dying, no exaggeration. It's almost funny how absurd that is.
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