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About GabijaCij

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  1. Meaning can be the thing that destroys or saves you in your daily life. To Make Everything Matter in your life is an exercise that will save your life and add great meaning to your life. In this episode, Teal Swan explains that Making Everything Matter can transform your life because it takes previously meaningless things and transforms them to matter and gives you direction for every decision in your life. Teal Swan is an International Spiritual Leader. She offers perspective on a wide range of topics including relationships, anxiety, meditation, shadow work, authenticity, the law of attraction, The Completion Process, healing, PTSD, emotions and spirituality Website: For daily updates, monthly online Synchronization Workshops join Facebook: Instagram: Twitter: TEALCATALYST Newsletter: Completion Process Book: Teal's Meditations: Teal's e-shop: Beginning Song: Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel Help us caption & translate this video!
  2. To view the rest of the workshop please visit As Teal wraps up the workshop, we run into a Blake's Codependency pattern in his relationship. Things get authentic while Teal explores codependency, narcissism, relationship problems, authenticity, being the good guy, accountability and responsibility. Watch a Codependent acting in his true form at the end of this video. "The idea that I'm not a good person, makes me a better person" This is an excerpt from the March 4th 2018 Online Synchronization Workshop. To view the rest of the workshop please visit
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  8. Coping mechanisms are strategies and behaviors that are carried out to mitigate, manage or adapt to anything that causes distress. If we cope with something, we do so because we feel we cannot change the stressor itself. We have to adapt to it so that the hurt we feel as a result of it is decreased or eliminated. We would all hope for a world that did not have to be coped with. Alas, that is not the world we currently live in and so it must be said that even though all coping mechanisms hold the potential to be limiting and damaging to a person in the long run, certain coping mechanisms can be more detrimental than others. And the most dangerous coping mechanism is self-hate. At first glance it may be hard to see how self-hate could possibly be a coping mechanism. After all, self-hate can’t possibly decrease a person’s distress can it? The answer is yes it can. And to see how, we much journey back to the genesis of this coping mechanism. When we look at a dysfunctional home, what we find is that the root of each person’s self concept in the family system is shame. This feeling of shame has been passed down from generation to generation. It is the primary stressor in the household. Everyone has to find a way to cope with that shame. The ways they cope with that shame set up the dysfunctional family system and determine what role each person will play in it. To understand how self hate develops, we must see that if one or more of the parents is dealing with a baseline self concept of shame, a child being different to that parent in any way or even asserting a boundary will trigger that feeling of shame. It will invalidate their identity, which they already subconsciously think is bad. This is why the golden child in a family will learn to cope by throwing their identity out the window as a strategy to avoid being shamed and ostracized within the family. They will become a ‘mini me’ as an adaptive strategy to the parent they feel they must please in order to stay safe with. The child that cannot adapt by throwing their identity out the window and whom can’t find a way to please the adult consistently for a multitude of reasons will be so upsetting to the self concept of the parent that the parent will subconsciously turn against the child. They may say, “I love you” to this child and try to do loving things for them, but the truth of how they really feel is not what they are presenting on the surface and the truth comes out in all kinds of ways. Their only way of avoiding the shame they feel and the shame this child triggers in them is to emotionally disown the child and deflect that shame onto the child and that child then becomes the family scapegoat. It is to say, “I’m not bad, you’re bad and you are my problem and now I’m the victim to you, and so is everyone else in the household.” The family can then hide all of their dysfunction behind this “family problem” person and can see themselves as the good ones because all of their focus can be placed on trying to fix what is “wrong” with this person. What is wrong with them is that everyone in the family has turned against them for being different and for not being able to change that. But the other people in the house can’t see this. This person has become the identified patient in the family. The experience of being turned against by the very people who you need love and belonging from the very most is so painful it is beyond describing. And it makes it so the child has no way to feel safe. They feel hated by their family, especially the parent who initiates this shame deflection. They are growing up with an antagonist, an antagonist upon whom their life depends. And the way a person copes with this is genius in the short term but completely destructive in the long term. A child put in this position, pushes themselves away. But they can’t physically do that so what happens is the pushing away of themselves, splits their consciousness in half. To understand more about this concept, watch my video called Fragmentation, The Worldwide Disease. When they split their consciousness in half, one half contains the parts within them that they perceive that their parent hates. The other half becomes a mirror image of their parent… An internal antagonist. This internal antagonist takes over the job of hating them for the parent. It becomes the one that is constantly shaming and criticizing the parts within this person that are seen as wrong and bad by the parent and now as a result, by the person themselves. This makes the hurt not only controllable, but predictable. And the child believes that by doing this, they might just be able to change the things that are so detestable about them. The person has become their own abuser and hater so that the antagonistic parent is never given the occasion or opportunity to do it. Imagine you were going to go up to someone to hit them and they just started hitting themselves. What would you do? Chances are, the desire to hurt them would go away. You’d feel on an energetic level that your goal was already being carried out. You would feel like either something is really wrong with them so they must need your help or that they agree that they deserve it to such a degree that they are going to do it for you. This would make you feel validated. This is usually the point at which the parent gets an extra boost of self-esteem through turning themselves into the “false healer” and the child is turned into an identified patient. As you can see, this self-hating aspect is actually trying to save their life and rescue them from the wrath of the parent. This part holds the truths of what matters most to them. For example, perhaps what the parent hated about the child was that she was so sensitive. The self-hating part will constantly criticize and shame her for being sensitive. Because the thought is that with enough disapproval of it, she will either stop being that way or be motivated to fix it. And this will get her the sense of belonging and safety she wants. We can then tell that the truth this self-hating aspect holds is just how important belonging and safety are and how much she needs those things. Ideally, we need to figure out these valued and needed things that the self hater is holding the truth of and try to get those things directly in the places that we can get them from. Self hate is a coping mechanism that is so dangerous because it is a coping mechanism that may keep you safer from the external hater/antagonist, but it leads to constant anxiety because you are living with a part that behaves like an enemy in your own skin. And it leads to all kinds of dangerous behaviors in the long term. Things like risk taking, abusive relationships, self-destructive behaviors, self-injury and even suicide. When you find this part within you, see the benevolent reason for its existence. See that its strategy, though genius while you were living in an abusive environment, is now destroying your ability to live a life that is worth living. See that the parts of you that this part has turned against, need to be accepted and loved instead. Go directly for the things you were trying to indirectly get by trying to hate these parts of you away. Give them to yourself and get them from others. The life you want to live is just on the other side of wanting to be you instead of agreeing with your antagonistic parent that you should be someone else.
  9. A while back I did a video called Meaning, The Self-Destruct Button. In that video, I demonstrated how the meaning you assign to an experience can destroy your life. Today, I’m going to show you how meaning can save your life. I’m going to show you how finding meaning and a way to make the things you do really matter, will totally transform your quality of life. Fulfillment is a feeling we are all looking for in life. We want to feel fulfilled by the things that we are doing. We want the things we do to really matter. We want a life that is rich with meaning. But all too often we feel like we are just going through the motions of life, getting busy with the emptiness of the things that we feel must or should be done. We need to take two approaches to making our life rich with meaning through living our life for what matters. The first is to make sure that everything we are doing actually matters. The second is to realize that if we change the meaning of what we are doing, we can make most of what doesn’t seem to matter, deeply matter. When we take the first approach, we take a serious look at whether what we are doing really matters or not. And we then live our life according to what really matters. We stop putting our energy into the things that we realize really don’t matter. One of the greatest gifts of lying on your death bed or experiencing a near death experience or even of having someone you love die, is that it puts all things into perspective. It shows you what really matters. One of the best tools to use in your life on an ongoing basis is to practice closing your eyes and imaging that you are on your deathbed but you are looking back at whatever you are currently and in this moment trying to make a decision about, whatever you are putting your energy into, whatever you are worrying about, whatever you are doing or thinking about doing. And ask yourself, does this matter? If the answer is no, stop putting energy into it and find something else that matters to put your energy into. If the answer is yes, ask yourself why for the sake of your own awareness. And put energy into it. For example, does doing this video really matter? Yes. Because I feel that by doing this, I will be showing people how to really live while they are here. And the value of this kind of information will outlive even my own temporary life. Only you can know what really matters to you. Start to live every thought and word and action in your life according to what matters. When we take the second approach, we can look at anything we are doing, any activity, and we can change the way we look at it so that doing it can really matter and really have meaning. For example, I could decide that doing the dishes in the sink really does not matter. It is just something that has to be done. But what if I realized that doing the dishes takes pressure off of other people in the house and that frees them up to experience more things that they enjoy? Then doing the dishes does matter. Doing the dishes does have deep meaning. Or for example, I may have a terrible customer support job at a cell phone company that I hate. I may tell myself that my job does not matter and that there is no meaning in what I am doing. But what if I realized that making someone’s phone work might just be the thing that makes it so they can have the talk that saves their relationship or what if making someone’s phone work is the reason that someone sees an amber alert and actually reports the whereabouts of a child that is stolen. Then, suddenly your job really matters. Sometimes, we cannot change the fact that something we are putting our energy into does not really matter and does not hold deep meaning. But often we can change the meaning we assign to the things we are putting our energy into and as a result, we can make the things that seem to not matter, really matter. This is one of the deep meanings behind the old Buddhist sayings “before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water and after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” This saying conveys that enlightenment does not change what you are doing in your life. It does not make you any less human. What does change however is that the way you see those simple activities, and the meaning you assign to doing them, changes the quality of doing them completely. Before, chopping wood and carrying water was a chore that had to be done… Something you had to mindlessly get out of the way before doing something that actually mattered to you. After, chopping wood and carrying water has great meaning. A little tip is that you will notice that most of the things that really matter and most of the meaning that enriches your life are things that create and enhance your connection with other people. We need to be living our lives from both perspectives simultaneously. If we live with both the strategy of making sure that anything we are doing really matters and also of finding a way to look at the things we are doing in terms of why they really do matter, our life will be so rich with meaning and our life will matter so much, we will feel we have really and truly lived.
  10. Owning People and Taking ownership of your relationships involves a different look at possession and ownership in general. Owning People and ‘To Own’ has a general negative connotation yet the opposite of this has really been damaging our society and relationships. Teal Swan explains in this Ask Teal episode how to own people in the right way. Teal Swan is an International Spiritual Leader. She offers perspective on a wide range of topics including relationships, anxiety, meditation, shadow work, authenticity, the law of attraction, The Completion Process, healing, PTSD, emotions and spirituality Website: For daily updates, monthly online Synchronization Workshops join Facebook: Instagram: Twitter: TEALCATALYST Newsletter: Completion Process Book: Teal's Meditations: Teal's e-shop: Beginning Song: Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel Help us caption & translate this video!
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