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About VioletGem

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  1. VioletGem

    Emotional Starvation

    Fantastic description!
  2. VioletGem

    Teal's Pet Peeves

    I love the 70's. If you shop at Free People, you never have to leave the 70s. Bell bottoms rule.
  3. VioletGem

    The Dark Crystal Series

    I started watching it, and am enjoying it. It seems like they are setting up a much grander narrative, where you really get how it affects multiple aspects of society, versus in the first one it was just about a few people. I normally hate prequels, but I think this one is adding a ton to the original story.
  4. I have to share what we are doing. I started a marketplace, called Verdant Trade, for businesses to purchase wholesale goods that are ethically and sustainably produced. One of the products we carry, called Peaceful Fruits, directly address Teal's description of the solution. It's a totally organic fruit bar, that pays good wages to farmers who life in and around the rainforest, so they can harvest the naturally growing fruits in forest and they don't have to resort to clear cutting. Win, win, win. https://peacefulfruits.verdanttrade.com If you have happen to know any retail businesses or similar who would like to carry this, please send them to our store. We have other products like this and will continue to get more. If you feel inspired by this and would like to help or get involved, please contact me at kleventhal@verdanttrade.com
  5. I had an epiphany after watching the Chicago video and this one. Even though, I'm fairly intense, and strong, and in charge in certain aspects of my life, I still tend to be constantly victimized in my personal life. I was thinking that I'm always attracted to bad boys, verging on sociopathic bad boys, but the kind that are intense, aggressive, charming. This is TMI but men/boys like Billy Hargrove on Stranger Things (and embarrassingly I'm middle age and my name is Karen, lol). After watching this video, I suddenly got it... those bad boys are me. In service of being the good girl, I supressed the part of me that wanted control and dominance and was openly angry and aggressive, because I was punished so severely for showing any of that. And it suddenly occurred to me that people that have been tormenting me, were not as openly aggressive as a Billy Hargrove character, but it was a passive aggressive, insidious form of control. And it was a control that was needless and destructive of me, for no reason at all, when I posed no threat and had been good to them. After watching this, I felt more conscious about my own need for control, to never be put in those situations again. So I totally get my attraction to the flamboyant bad boys and they are me in more than one way. If you look at a character like Billy Hargrove, in the end, he was martyred, just like the victimized self sacrificing, abused women end up dying of cancer or some other illness, is also martyred. So his anger and damage killed him quickly, just as it slowly kills the self sacrificing woman, with suppressed rage. I imagine, at least a decent portion of those bad boys in prison are people whose anger at being controlled, also ultimately destroyed their lives.
  6. VioletGem

    Chicago Workshop 2014

    This is great. Really needed to hear this today.
  7. VioletGem

    Codependents are Narcissists

    That's awesome to hear! I've experienced similar difficulties, so know that you are not alone. I cut out many people and many dropped me once I complained about selfish behavior. I don't know if I was a genuine codependent. I don't think I was claiming to be giving something to anyone else, without expecting something in return. I always expected love and loyalty in return to that which I gave. But I continually found myself being taken advantage of by exploitative people who were not fully honest about their desires to not reciprocate what I gave. So then I definitely felt like a victim. Is feeling like a victim supposed to be synonymous with being codependent? If that is the case then I really think we are doing damage to some people by not discerning what is codependency and what is exploitation of naive people who might have valid dependency needs. For me, I do appreciate the law of mirroring and attraction philosophies that are so prevalent in these kinds of groups. It often has a lot of truth. And it's important to take responsibility because it may be one of the only things you have control over and can change. HOWEVER, I really wish someone would have told me the truth about being victimized or treated like a prey animal...that this is the way humans behave sometimes. It's not a figment of your imagination. As I've started to validate that yes people can and do act predatory when you are in a vulnerable state, then it was EASIER (not harder) for me to get out of victim consciousness. Because now I can spot it, objectify it, and steer clear and then I don't have to be a victim anymore.
  8. VioletGem

    Codependents are Narcissists

    Agreed. She's really hard on codependents, who I suspect make up a huge part of the fan base, because they are ones getting or feeling abused on a regular basis. As someone who has struggled with codependency I would love a video about how one is supposed to heal from it. My experience has been the minute I didn't meet other people's needs or demands, I was discarded like a worthless piece of crap, no matter how long the relationship or how much I gave, or whatnot. So what are you supposed to do in that scenario? How are you supposed to survive or get any of your needs met, period, when in those dynamics? I don't see where the options are supposed to be.
  9. VioletGem

    The Dark Crystal

    I loved the Dark Crystal growing up (that and The Last Unicorn).. It was really burned in my brain and I didn't know why for many years. I guess it predicted my epic struggle to integrate. I don't know why I'm sharing this here, but I'm currently in a meditation group, where one of the group members is hammering me to accept that the "ego" is bad... as if he knows that I represent something else and it's threatening his ego, but he can't admit it because he hates the ego. I'm so glad I'm not at war with my "ego". I'm so glad I fell in love with "bad" people and didn't talk myself out of it. I'm so glad I allowed myself to be "bad" (resentful, chaotic, hateful) But I did it while also holding on to the light of consciousness which is probably why it wasn't truly destructive. I will admit integration was a lot of agony and suffering, but I'm so glad Teal was there to light the way, she is truly a revolutionary. But after all that hard painful work I feel much more powerful, whole and content. And I'm building a business that is going to epically integrate the energies of capitalism (ego/competition) and socialism (community/compassion) and I think it's possible that something truly amazing will be created that is better then either one alone.
  10. VioletGem

    Peak Narcissism

    I wouldn't feel like it's necessarily a statement of all humanity but I can validate your experience. I lived in Los Angeles for 14 years and recently left. That area attracts some of the best and some of the worst. I think Hollywood is particularly toxic at this stage in history. It might be one of the most pathological places in the world. Not to trigger anyone, but the minute I saw Jussie Smollett, I was pretty sure he was lying. Only because I've lived in Hollywood and that approach is subtly encouraged there. He may be extreme but there a lot of people like that in that area. There is a feel to people who say everything someone wants to hear, but there is nothing behind it. I got worked over enough to begin to spot it. You need to stop listening to what people say, and feel into them, and we do everything to undercut people's intuition about other people in that regard. This is why I'm so against political correctness because highly narcissistic people use it to hide and manipulate people. Other less guileful people are being manipulated because they cannot imagine a species of human being where everything they say and do, is a lie, especially when that person is spouting altruistic stuff. That being said, I moved away (to the Great Lakes area) and I'm already happier. There are lots of real people out there. So folks need to stop admiring and listening to these fame seekers, they are actors, that's it.
  11. Wow 2012 was when my life started to go down the rabbit hole. So maybe there is something to this. I feel pretty woke now. I'm hope to reintegrate back into the world.
  12. VioletGem

    Messed Up Foundation

    Is this the time for talking about a side effect problem of working through distress? I've done a ton of work to let go of all the pain and trauma. I no longer feel the terrible weight of pain. The heaviness is gone. I feel very calm. My mind and body is like a still lake sort of thing. ....However, I feel like I'm hovering three feet above the earth, disconnected from all the dramas that make life interesting... Is enlightenment this boring?
  13. Yeah I did need to hear that one. Feeling that inner emptiness, I ran after relationships and many narcissistic people for decades. What's odd now is that I while I still feel the need for an intimate relationship another part of me is coming to fore-- the part that does not want a relationship. My experience of relationships has been to feel exploited, disregarded and or if nothing else just pulled into some one else's energy space without being allowed to stay in my own. All of which is either hurtful, disempowering or draining. Why would I want that again? Theoretically I know there could be something different but I don't know what it is. So I'm feeling a very large pull inward. And frankly I don't feel the same loneliness and emptiness as I did when I was running after relationships. Is this supposed to be progress?
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