I dreamt that my current boyfriend became my husband and we produced four children. The first and last of which were female. He killed the youngest and lived in a separate house than me.
He would visit, but never bring the kids, and I rarely left the house. I begged and waited for him as if I were far below him and he was my life source.
I spent a voicemail telling him it had been to long. I had no one to cuddle but I'd like to talk to him about finding that for myself. I hadn't lost confidence, so what was it that kept me waiting..
I just woke up from a scary dream, it lasted a whole weekend.. But the end was the worst. In the beginning I was doing laundry with an old friend at a party and there was a lot of little sections for the laundry. I took a nap while it was going. Upon waking I saw that everywhere to my right was burned, including the laundry, and stopped jut before me. I took a drive with a guy named Tray, we hit a dead end and turned around with neutral conversation. I saw his wife the next day and she asked what I did yesterday, I told the truth, but not the whole truth because I didn't know what she knew, she laughed.
I left and was walking through another laundry area and saw another old friend, Logan. We made sweet eye contact as the woman across from her scolded at him for doing so and asked, who is she? I disapprove.. In a way that made me think she was a mother figure. He said, she loves me, and I've known her a long time, the way he said it making me think that he knew me longer than her.
There was a man my age who was peaking my interest (it is my boyfriend in this life right now). However, there was another girl involved, she knew about me and as we were about to be gone hand-in-hand she asked why he wasn't about to talk to her about it.. He said that if he didn't she might be around when he comes back to her, his eyes were red and tired. I then jokingly but not, realizing the situation, that I might in fact leave him soon. She looked at me desperately but seriously and said, you won't last a minute with him. I will show you the way he messages. Then we talked about what attracted me to him and quickly without words, he was hers again.
She was unhappy with him and told him to get some rest. He was surprised by the word rest and she changed her mind to, cutting in between the spots on your underarms. My field of view changed to him doing this, and as my perspective glided to his side, I saw that his legs had already been cut off. There was almost no blood as he continued to not only slice his underarms but amputate both his arms, with what seemed to be his last bit of energy he beheaded himself. His torso, separated legs and arms all seem to be uncomfortable and move with the moving of his distressed head. He begins regretting decision, and has tape. I turn away as it was hard to see and when I turn back I see a little girl, with blonde hair, helping him tape himself back together as he writhes. The moment he is back together in one piece, he turns to rest.
Hi, there is a new day today that I can feel with my awareness. I am accepting of a few more things. I just signed a year lease with my new apartment in a small meditation town. I've been here for two years and a month ago I tried to leave. But, like many meditation towns, it is it's own vortex. Accepting this and continuing to recognize my values has put things into a positive perspective, at least for today.