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About wildwestrom

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  1. wildwestrom

    It's already happening. Depletion of resources, extreme weather patterns, financial collapse, governments becoming increasingly powerful and corrupt. It's all happening and I must find a way to either survive it, escape it, or fix it. I can't play victim here. One way or another I must find a way to survive and thrive, maybe even help reverse it. It's not about blame at all. Of course neither you nor I directly caused all the fucked up shit in this world. In other words, like Billy Joel's famous song, "We didn't start the fire..." Gandhi's famous saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world" comes to mind. I can't tell someone to stop eating sugar until I do it myself, otherwise I'm no better than the one I'm telling to stop. We can point fingers, but what good does that do? Might as well look within. I'll take any tools I can get. Including this forum. No, I'm not worried at all. How can my head be fucked up by learning more? I question everything. The whole purpose of this thread is to help myself. I'm not going beyond that just because I'm talking about the state of the world. I'm worried about the direction this world is headed and I also know I create my own reality. I can't try to hide or ignore what's happening. My awareness is only going to increase as time goes on. I know that if I focus on what I don't like I am perpetuating it, but positive focus doesn't solve all our problems. I can't say that the things I don't like aren't a part of me, that would be a lie. It's all a reflection of me.
  2. wildwestrom

    No one ever does anything to cause themselves pain. See There Is No Such Thing As Self Sabotage. It’s unconscious of course. That’s why this work isn’t easy. You don’t know what you don’t know.
  3. wildwestrom

    Like many people say, you can’t make the reflection in the mirror smile, you have to smile. This is why I 100% on board with the idea of changing myself in order to change the world. As for what you’re supposed to do. There is nothing you’re supposed to do. If there is something we’re supposed to do, I have no clue what it is. All I know is that it involves being joyful and letting go of resistance to our joy. I know that my only block right now is resistance. I’m trying my best to apply awareness and listen to my emotions. Even this feeling of futility I have, I’m listening to it. I’ll add to this thread if I can resolve this.
  4. wildwestrom

    Even if western culture alone is ending, who knows what other areas of the world will be safe? Before I knew about the idea of mirroring, I’ve feltthis sense of urgency differently. Like I’m one of the jews who knew something was up before the holocaust and fled Germany long before anything could happen to me.
  5. wildwestrom

    The planet is at its most unstable right now. Teal has talked about the energy of the planet before. She has often noted the intensity of the polarity and the sheer instability. We have children in positions of power, the masses are stuck under old paradigms and illusions, the environment is in upheaval with storms, forest fires, rising sea levels, and it’s all being polluted by our never ending industrial output, not to mention ideological wars fueled from both sides by the same puppet masters. So what am I trying integrate? Whatever is causing all the fucked up shit I just mentioned.
  6. wildwestrom

    Sense of urgency Does anyone else feel a sense of urgency? The planet, humanity, everything, it's all fucked. Like really fucked. Like super, on edge, about to go nuclear kind of fucked. I feel like if I don't integrate every single one of my shadows the world is gonna die a slow death. I feel like I have two options here: A: Improve myself so that I can make lasting changes through words and actions. Or B: Improve my emotional state so I can simply not experience any of the fucked up shit in the world. In essence, shift to a parallel reality without all the fucked up shit happening right now. Actually both of them have the same effect now that I think of it. That doesn't change the fact that I need to start cleaning up my shit fast or it's gonna it the fan. How can I integrate faster? Can I even handle it? Are we gonna make it?
  7. wildwestrom

    I doubt me wanting to die has anything to with connection to other human beings. The whole idea of so called "social isolation" being bad for you sounds completely ridiculous from what I've learned. I am ultimately alone, every situation I am in, no matter how many good friends I have, no matter how great of a romantic relationship I cultivate, I'm just interacting with aspects of myself. Also all my friends are lazy shits who couldn't care less about self actualization. Why would I want friends like them when I can listen to teachers who are already at where I want to be? I used to be so sad that I didn't have a girl or that all my friends are living really far away from me. Now I'm like, good riddance. They weren't going to help with anything anyway. They would just suck me deeper into the strange-loop illusion that is reality. The point I'm trying to make is that, the first few times I felt like killing myself felt really serious, but they never were. I've been getting waves of feeling suicidal since over 6 years ago and more. I've had times where I've got the knife pointed right at my heart and I've tried to shove it through my ribcage but obviously I'm still alive now so I was and still am physically incapable of really going through with it. The only thing that was real was the feeling. Right now I don't want to physically hurt myself so don't call the fucking cops, you'd just be wasting your time. You know what I think is the reason I'm still dependent on my parents? I understand now that my negative emotions don't come from the situation of being independent. It's because having money, a job or business, my own place, and a life outside my room, would only complicate things and keep me away from what I'm really after. Which are these 10 things by the way, all of which I resonate deeply with. I realized the truth and it took me doing the internal arson process after talking to my mother on the phone. That truth is that the only way to get what I want in life is to go straight towards the most emotionally difficult thing. This isn't endurism, because with that you're still avoiding even more painful things than the pain you're purposely subjecting yourself to. I've been avoiding it for all my life, and the contrast in my life has made me ask for a solution so much that it took 6 fucking years to get me from there to here. Now I'm just going to face all the demons head on. Update: Okay, some things have changed. Take that “one rule for acing life” video with a grain of salt. I don’t care how you get into alignment, it’s fine however you do it. I made the mistake of assuming “emotionally difficult” meant “deprive myself” or “run straight towards pain.” It’s much more nuanced than that. I know that running away from pain isn’t the answer, but that doesn’t make the opposite necessarily true either. I’m not feeling guilty about receiving support, nor am I feeling like I’m not pushing hard enough. I’m gonna spend the next few days focusing on raising my vibration. Thank you everyone for reflecting back to me. I understand what it means to accept where you are.
  8. Fuck this shit is painful to read. It almost seems like it's real though.
  9. wildwestrom

    I feel exactly the same way. It's like how I feel like killing myself every other week or so even though my life is technically great. Of course I have a great life on paper so I shouldn't feel bad at all right? Well there must be something else going on since it seems my external circumstances have no effect on my emotions. I've been digging through to try to get to the root of it.
  10. Completion process hasn't been working so well So I got the completion process awhile ago but I sold it because I didn't find any use in it. Is there another process that is just as effective at deep emotional healing? If not, then maybe I'll give it another go. I just couldn't take anything seriously. The images didn't come, it's like I had to shape them into being myself. Nothing felt real and I had trouble remembering all the steps each time I did it. It's also not like I can do one step and take a look at the book for the next one. That would take me out of my meditative state.
  11. wildwestrom

    Ok, well the part of me that doesn't like having to do jobs that don't give me drive and purpose and likes lots of free time certainly likes the setup currently. There's another part of me that says "my dad's gonna fucking die, start making cash already!" (My Dad isn't on his deathbed, but I feel like this could be taken at any moment.) Okay, I'm creative. I'm practicing. I'm creating. I'm getting better. I'm putting my work out there, but it's not good enough to monetize it. I wouldn't buy anything I've made. I don't want to go back to college because I don't have a clear direction and I feel like I'd be wasting my time and money in the form of debt no less. I don't want to take another meaningless job like a restaurant owner. I like being supported because I have the freedom to pursue any random topic I wish. I love not having to worry about paying bills and showing up at a certain place at a certain time every weekday to do something I don't care about. I feel like I have to use the time I have being supported so I can support myself before the support is taken away. There it is. I'm afraid my support will be taken away, at a time where I wont know how to support myself yet. I'm deeply afraid of that scenario. I'm also afraid of being supported, but having more and more difficulties and annoyances tacked on as punishment for not contributing to the world or something. I know this physical world is an illusion, but I already tried to escape it by spiritual ascension, waiting for the samvartika fire at the end of the yuga. That didn't work. If the world is meaningless symbols and props that we assign meaning to, then obviously the meaning I've assigned every situation I'm in right now is about me figuring out how to give value to others, because apparently that's the only way to receive value and not get a bunch of karmic debt. I've felt like I was an obligation before. I know how much money it takes to raise a child. It's like putting you money all in one stock hoping it will rise to the top only to see it underperforming, and telling yourself that some day it will work, some day it will pay off. (Or just lie and say you love it, give me a fucking break. Who actually loves?) Well fuck, I'm not paying off and I feel incredibly guilty about it. I want to be giving! Then at least I can say I deserved to get the nice things I have! I want to give!
  12. wildwestrom

    You're all the way in Macedonia though... Buy me a ticket? lol
  13. So you had some sort of non-physical sexual intercourse with what you perceived as the energy of three different succibi? I'm just trying to understand what you're saying. Questions: What are the risks to doing this? Does it require any sort of replenishing of energy or cleansing afterward? Can this only be experienced on the astral/etheric plane? Are succubi and incubi the only non-physical entities that you can have sex with? Is it worth it in the end? How does this parallel to my original questions?
  14. I don't understand what you mean by "show authenticity." I've shown more here than I show to most people in real life. Did you feel wronged when I said I was "gauging your reaction?"
  15. Why am I a psychopath now? Please explain.