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April Park

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  1. Hey Garnet, Thanks for the insight and the movie recommendation. I love a deep movie. I'll definitely check it out. It's been quite a while since I wrote the comment you quoted, and it's interesting because since then I have been increasingly noticing the codependency within me. I feel like the relationship I have with my boyfriend reminds me of a therapist/patient relationship but we switch roles quite often. I sometimes "take charge" by babying him and he sometimes "takes charge" by babying me. I'm curious what you've got to say about this dynamic. Do you think it is a form of a powerplay and is unhealthy, or do you think it is a healthy dependency as partners? I'm open to any thoughts if anybody wants to chime in as well. Thank you!
  2. April Park

    New York 2021

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!
  3. I felt like I was totally going crazy but I guess I was not… what a relief but sad reality to swallow. Been gaslighted my whole life by my family members and been trying everything that I can to ungaslight myself since two years ago. It’s so painful how gaslighted people be gaslighted all. the fucking. time. and it’s SO hard to get out of it. I just can’t trust anything and why would I?
  4. April Park


    #53 How do I define success for me personally? And how do I define success for others? success for me is a life lived in accordance to my values and integrity therefore achieving a high self esteem and self respect. however if I think deeper, I feel like this is a bullshit because I only want that to be okay being alone. which indicates I am mostly afraid of creating bonds with others when in fact I want and need intimate relationships the most. therefore I guess my definition for success is the mastery of relationships. Ooh, since relationship with myself is also a relationship, I guess this is really what I want to succeed in life. For others, I define success as achieving whatever one wants to achieve in life.
  5. April Park


    I am risking a potentially fulfilling life for keeping what is and avoiding loss or change because I have never been supported with who I am and that made me believe if nobody's going to be with me whatever I do then there's no point of doing anything. I am not risking a potential loss or change for a life lived as life is because I am on a fence on everything. I am terrified with commitment.
  6. April Park


    You are doing fine. Everyone lies. Nobody's perfect. I love that you are doing your best, always aiming for the better, but you would really benefit from choosing softer thoughts to think, softer steps to take, and softer ways to live.
  7. April Park


    I separate myself by not committing to anything. that way I can only be with myself and my misery
  8. April Park


    I do not know what life has to offer when I commit a 100 percent. I do not know what it's like to commit a 100 percent.
  9. April Park


    my laptop because it has all of my ideas and music written down
  10. April Park


    sexual abuse
  11. April Park


    Sense of direction, meaning, values
  12. April Park


    와 저사람 되게 솔직하다 내가 다 속 시원해지네 욕망에 솔직하게 사랑하는 것을 사랑하며 자유롭게 산 사람
  13. April Park


    You are doing just fine. you deserve to rest.
  14. April Park


    I am allowing other’s desires and preferences cloud my own personal desires and truths. I understand myself doing that because I was raised that way and the consequences were intolerable if I did not comply. So I don’t want to beat myself up for allowing that to happen. However I see that love that is only given when I lose myself is not love.It is not a virtue to sacrifice myself. I want to prioritize my personal truth and preferences over other people’s. It is okay to prioritize yourself. It’s not like you’re going to completely throw away their perspective. It’s just that you are going to see both yours and theirs and be able access compatibility.

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