Having watched around twelve of these workshops from beginning to end, this is the first time seeing someone on stage who really sounds and acts like me. The first woman on stage, a writer, up her head, who Teal compares to a butterfly (which I believe is my spirit animal) . . . Terrified of joy and other positive emotions because those emotions mean loss to me. Terrified that expressing emotion means losing someone precious to me. Up in my head, where it is safe. Always thinking, thinking, thinking about feelings, because that's the only safe way to interact with them. Lots of drama about Mom. Dad was just "there." God. This is so me. So me that I can't even let it in. I think about it . . . Write about it . . . So as to keep the understanding but not yet let the feeling overtake me . . .