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Auryn

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About Auryn

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  • Birthday 06/16/1984
  1. One of my favorite blog posts <3
  2. This idea of empowerment while acknowledging dependence on other people has honestly been a difficult concept for me to grasp. My mind tends to view dependence as a bad thing and independence as a good thing. I definitely think it's due to our Western Society, but it's also due to the emotional incest that I grew up with (which I think is more common in nuclear families than most people will admit). I was taught at a young age that I needed to take care of my parents - be their therapist, marriage counselor, or real-life teddy bear (so icky). Subconsciously, I recognized their inappropriate dependence on me and felt angry at them. I also felt like I couldn't trust them to hold or take care of my needs. I thought "I can handle all their problems AND my own problems all by myself." It's a horribly isolating way to live, but it's definitely encouraged by our society... Anyways, I look up to you, Teal. From your example (and through therapy), I've been opening up more. I've realized that other adults can hold me and my needs. I've also been learning how to have boundaries and be authentic with others. All these things I wouldn't have been able to do on my own. I need relationships with other people to heal, learn, and grow. It's just a balance of not becoming too dependent or independent.
  3. Because my Dad has borderline personality disorder (undiagnosed), I feel like I grew up similarly as you with two fathers. He was either emotionally/mentally/physically unavailable or inappropriately "up in my business" and abusive. Like you, I've lived most of my romantic life with the subconscious belief that putting up with abuse is better than being alone. Simultaneously, I believed that it was better to be alone in every other area of my life (friendships, mentors, colleagues, etc.) than to risk being abused. With self-help (which definitely includes your teachings, Teal!), therapy, and a 12-step program, the past 2-3 years have been an exercise in healing, finding balance, and learning to trust myself as well as other people. Teal - one of the main things I look up to about you (and what I most appreciate about your blog) is that you demonstrate what it looks like to work through these internal issues and, ultimately, how to be brave in relationships. I really appreciate your help and your authenticity, thank you so much <3
  4. Wow, so many insights in one post: "We do not get better by overriding or overcoming our difficulties. We get better by understanding and accepting them. " " The greatest sense of freedom comes when our actions flow directly from feelings." "But it is universal truth that being productive (doing) is only beneficial if it enhances happiness (being). Individual achievement is only beneficial if it enhances communal harmony. And thinking is only beneficial if it stems from and enhances feeling."
  5. I read this post again today. Even though my childhood trauma was not as severe as yours, I internalized a very similar message - I'm just "too much" for a man to handle. In order for me to be loved, I need to hide myself or tone myself down. I've toned myself down to the point where I mumble, I speak softly, and I move on the edges of groups. I'm scared for anyone to see me. Since I've been following you, Teal, (for almost 1.5 years) I've been slowly learning to trust that I am lovable. All parts of me are lovable - even the parts of me that struggle with PTSD. I just wanted to say thank you and that you give me hope. You manifested Ale into your life, and even though I know your relationship has other issues involved (custody battles), it's inspiration that I can find someone who loves all of me. Alofa tele ia te oe!
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