My achilles heel.
I feel a lot of shame for not being in a community (after all this time), not being able to attract a community, not knowing what it takes to have a community, thinking I do know what community would work for me and being wrong, not being able to integrate the parts of me that don't want a community...
...like when Teal says, "You're cursed in the best possible way"...I saw her community in 2014 and was like GLORY BE THAT'S IT! But I had no idea how far away I was from getting what appeared, to me, really basic. Like a community that knew how simple it was to be connected to each other. But, it seems, it's a lot harder to be connected to each other than I thought. And, believing Teal when she says it's a mirror universe, now I have to stop blaming others for not connecting and see how I regularly don't connect. Fuck.
I'm sad about the whole thing.