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Alex Shepps

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About Alex Shepps

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  • Birthday 05/21/1997

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  1. Alex Shepps

    Chicago Workshop 2019 - 1/2

    I met a CP Practitioner there and she also practices Somatic Experiencing. She said that Somatic Experiencing was the practice to go towards. Her practice was based off of Peter Levine - "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma"
  2. Hi Alex! I just wanted to say thanks for all the video recommendations you posted in the comments on the Chicago workshop! I see your dedication and definitely want to connect with more people like you in my life. Also, I gained some great awareness watching your part onstage with Teal, so thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable up there! 🙂

  3. Alex Shepps

    Chicago Workshop 2019 - 1/2

    Hello everyone When I was on stage with Teal and I started talking about how I obsess over her content, I was intending to bring up this video on chronic pain, how it feels like my body is constantly attacking itself before other people have a chance to, and how it related to my attachment style (disorganized). These videos are also great to help further understand disorganized attachment, if any of you struggle with this attachment style too. 1st video (The root of disorganized attachment) ------ Internalizing our antagonist - Why we can't stop hating ourselves ------ Moving towards softness ------- Tension versus relief (the first woman on stage) ------- (Start at 2:38:45) How to do a somatic practice for the part of you that has been betrayed and in pain from being attacked by your internal antagonist ------- How disorganized attachment is created ------- (Start at 53:25) - It's not going to be comfortable at first when you try to connect with people, when you've been raised by dangerous people ------- (1:34:30) Also, if anyone else has a scapegoat vibration, I found this video to be really helpful ---------------------- Final Video XD
  4. First of all, yes, I completely agree on how hellish this circle of disconnection is. It's such a hard thing to deal with that in my experience it's been a loop of giving up and treating life in a very nihilistic manner and then getting re-inspired to put my energy towards potential solutions, and then back and forth, back and forth. The thing that Teal told me which I can't guarantee applies to you as well, but she said that I've been too traumatized to be able to have organic relationships at the moment. The reason is because organic relationships involve reactivity from both people involved, and to expect the other person to always have a positive reaction to an authentic truth that you express to them is an abusive dynamic. She said that I needed to rebuild and rehabilitate my capacity to create [authentic] relationships in a therapeutic setting. The reason for this is because with a therapist, they aren't going to have a strong reaction to (almost) anything you tell them because their role as a therapist involves being non-reactive. Teal and I both acknowledged the shittiness that's involved with paying someone to have a relationship with you in a therapeutic setting, but she said that when I go into therapy, I should first accept that it is a transactional relationship instead of trying to impose my perspective of how this person could be wanting to see me regardless of the money involved (which I have been unable to conclude previously). So basically I have to "retry" therapy with the mindset of it being a paid relationship, and to not try to resist that fact. I've experienced too much trauma to be able to (even physically) handle someone having a negative reaction to my authenticity, and the only way (at the moment) for me to have a relationship is if the other person is non-reactive. She also told me I should try to be softer with myself in the position I'm in: dealing with a lot of unhealed wounds. I believe in general, especially those with disorganized attachment, have learned to adapt to societal standards so well that we keep re-forgetting how much trauma we've actually experienced and are going through, and I think we keep unintentionally minimizing the degree of pain we're actually in and often unconsciously continue to be in a deterministic attitude with ourselves instead of treating ourselves in a more loving and gentle way. Something that I've put on my phone's background just as a reminder is "be gentle with yourself in the same way you would nurture a traumatized child". It's definitely a hard thing to balance: being soft with ourselves while still trying to move forward with our lives and our healing, and I think it's something that we need to keep reminding ourselves of, regardless of how much we already understand the importance of treating ourselves in a more loving way, rather than in an abusive way. Here's another workshop I found a while back of someone else dealing with disorganized attachment (START AT 53:30) <------Click (I also don't know if you've seen this yet) I also realized recently that letting myself go into my shame and self-hatred is the quickest way to let go of the patterns that uphold the resistance to softness. I think when we resist the feelings of self-hatred, it persists through the ways we subconsciously treat ourselves on a daily basis. In the curveball segment I linked above this, Teal talks about the importance of finding the patterns that resist this softness, and I think resistance to the feelings of shame and self-hatred might be the answer.
  5. Well i also realized/reflected on what Teal told me saying how i was the scapegoat of my family, so basically my entire self-concept is shame. I’ve recently been making an effort to sit with myself and go into my emotions as much as possible because for me i feel like Spirituality 2.0 is the path I’m being called to be on. Currently I’m still in the process of putting myself in a comfortable environment to where I can be alone and go into these really vulnerable emotions. I am working on finding a somatic therapist to see regularly as well. Feel free to message me personally on here and I can keep you updated more in depth if you’re interested
  6. I don't want to put the energy into articulating my own personal experience (which is still unraveling), but I will mention what Teal lead me to understand. When I was on stage, I talked about how recently (prior to being at the workshop), I had gone into 2 aspects of myself: The part that wants connection and the part that doesn't. What happened when I went into both parts, was that even the one that wanted/was desperate for connection was also (similar to the protector aspect that doesn't want anything to do with people) violent/a protector aspect, or more specifically in this aspect's case, would hold someone captive in anyway it could to ensure that the connection wouldn't be lost, even if the methods involved in keeping this person from leaving implied using abusive behavior (which was seemingly 100% always the case, judging by the feeling of inevitable loss or total fear of abandonment that would occur had the person this aspect wanted to stay connected with was given free-will/the opportunity to leave). Teal pointed out that both of these aspects are protector aspects (which is contrary to the common dynamic of opposing parts; usually one is the protector aspect, and the other is the vulnerable one), and that the vulnerable self in regards to those with a disorganized attachment style is a third, much more hidden/pervasive aspect that needs a very safe container to "work with". This third aspect is damn near always (if not literally always at all moments) being protected/hidden by the 2 protector aspects. We didn't go into this aspect when I was on stage because the containment that is needed to be capable of safely accommodating this aspect exceeded the position I was in at the workshop, even being on stage with Teal herself. Teal also helped guide me towards a clearer idea of what a container that would be suitable for this work would look like, some of which that I don't care to articulate at the moment, but you will be able to see for yourself our entire conversation once the workshop surfaces online.
  7. Anyone know what kind of therapist she referred to right after she said a somatic therapist at 1:00:13? edit: figured it out, she said "hakomi therapist"
  8. Alex Shepps

    Not Novocane

    I didnt look at every video but it might be in here: https://tealswan.com/media/category/interviews-3/?csrfKey=0e93249d665a9bb8d077a3d0f4a786d1&amp;page=4
  9. Alex Shepps

    San Diego Workshop 2016

    at 3:47:14 I think Teal meant to say: "the way you prove to yourself that he didn't love you, is by making him wrong (not right)"
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