[moderator - if comment is too long, f**k it, just delete]
I didn't know that I have a BPD, until today :]
What triggered me, is when Teal said that when she is with "borderlines", she would "stop thinking about healing, and not even giving them things to do, because they won't do it".
Then I was like - that is so me!
So, after the video, I did the test online, and i scored 30% higher than "severe borderline"..
So I guess ultra-severe? :]
And I was completely unaware of this!
However, TBH, I'm more proud that I have BPD, than I'm worried about it.
I just don't care anymore at this point.
I have all 3 books of Teal, but I didn't fully read them, because I can't!
I read like 50% of them, skipping the parts that say "pick, practice, do, etc".
For example, I opened Teal's 2nd book, read until the part "What would someone who loves themselves do?" - and thus closed the book.
But still, love her and her book :]
I actually like a lot what Teal does, for example her blog (I get chills when I find out that the new blog is out, and get comfortable to read it), and basically everything where she talks; But usually, I do NOT do what she says, especially when you have to "write sh*t down", or "do sh*t".
Now, at least I can admit it, "trying to get better" is not a healing experience for me, but a traumatizing one!
I read that 10% of "borderlines" commit suicide, and I think I can see why; When you don't feel wanted, needed, liked, appreciated, and humans around say you should or must be or do better, and it goes on for years, suicide actually sounds like a pretty damn good option to keep in your closest pocket of options.
If you are not getting what you want, for a lot of years in a row, you have no guarantee, that you will not end up just doing some random sh*t every day, and then just die.
So you're drifting, waiting for something, balancing on the border-line between this life, and whatever happens after, so to speak.
