Hey Katja, wow, thanks! You are right, it is confusing and I will gladly share. It's so tricky to work with. So a lot of different factors gave me the opportunity to heal, hope you have some time
- I removed myself from my family and started a new one.
- In between lots of solitude and slowly re-introduced relationships. "Needy" people I couldn't handle any more at this point.
- Still, being anxious (PTSD) I rehabilitated with a trauma specialist, super lucky! So, psychology is a big one. I used to cope with meds and drugs, at one point drugs might have been the only thing that saved my life. These past years I am a new woman, so fresh and so clean!
- Honesty, being straightforward. It got easier to get the feedback I needed, right kind of help, understanding and to gain trust from others, transparency too. OH and my partner, so him and I have similar personalities, that's important. To find someone who feels right themselves about autonomy. I never feel suffocated.
- Being picky about friends/partner has helped a lot when I got so much healing through my new relationships (relational trauma) One of my friends, so she is super emotional, I am more mental. We can trigger each other like mad but then tend to almost always get healing and relief in spending some time together, help each other to gain awareness too.
- Feeling my pain. Think I was the most afraid of meeting myself and not run away (poor sense of self, who even was I?). But yeah, doing the actual work to transform my life still keeps making a tremendous difference. (if I skipped the work it didn't really matter how much I would read and listen to stuff) I never thought it would actually work out for me but it did, it's so strange and wonderful. You can be surprised how over time it dawns on you how you suddenly feel better and better, without even trying to feel different. It's so awesome!
-Hard work and responsibility. I am not "cured" but it does get easier and relationships healthier. Like I said I never thought I would get anywhere (doomed, stuck, forsaken) didn't really matter what I believed as long as I kept taking one step at the time.
- I'm sure Ayahuasca and DMT in particular, played a role in my healing, yet I found day to day, practical steps to be more powerful in the long run.
So glad to hear from you, and how wonderful what you are working on! It's good to see that other people struggle similarly, wish you didn't of course but you are definitely not alone, best of luck