Funny how you posted this last night and then when I wake up, my mom says hi, to which I don't respond because, well, I've never greeted someone who lives in the same house as me in my entire life so it doesn't even cross my mind as an option. Also I hate speaking before breakfast, it just puts me in a bad mood for the entire day.
And now she was like "When I say hi I want you to say it back. To other people too. I demand it."
It felt like she was unreasonably angry over something being the same way it had always been. It does feel like a futile attempt to control me. She wasn't yelling or anything but it almost felt like a temper tantrum.
What's putting me in confusion though, is Teal saying "now's not the time to rebel against them" Like, the was she acts around me is like I only have 2 options. Comply (and thus giving my power away) or being the bad guy (thus rebelling). Even if it's not the greeting thing, she'll find something else. She's always been like that. Popping up out of nowhere with a demand, acting like that demand is normal even though it's the first time it's ever brought up in my life. If I give in she'll find something else to demand from me, if I don't give in I'm the problem child.
I just do what I feel like doing. If it lines up with what she wants, great. If it doesn't, not my problem. I'm tired of playing her games, if she has a problem, it's not my responsibility to help her avoid it.
And as for the taking steps to move forward; I know what I need to do, but something's holding me back. I've tried talking to that part of me, and all I get is "not yet" I get that I needed to de-stress a bit, but I think I've relaxed as much as I can in my current situation so I'm not sure what I still need. I don't want to get started when I know I'll only be able to put in half my energy at best. I want to deal with whatever this is first, so I can have 100% of my energy to put into this when I start. I just wish I knew what I needed, maybe there's a more effective way of going about it.