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Ryuraven

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  1. Ryuraven

    26

    Little hard to put into words... Physically I am not in the location I want to be, but it doesn't bother me as much since I'm doing everything I can to move. I feel too good for my old time-filling distractions to be fitting anymore, but I don't yet have anything else to fill that place. I know I cannot rush things and trying to work harder will only leave me burnt out. It's just this weird space of knowing a transition is about to happen and being okay with the pace it happens at, but not having a thing to enjoy in my free time. Empty space ready to be filled with something new but
  2. Ryuraven

    Gaslighting and Doom

    Dooooooomm I think I had a bit of that when I woke up. Just feeling like I had to do something to ensure a good future but not having a clue what and simultaneously trying to find things to distract myself with. So I shut down anything that could distract me and forced myself to just sit with it and try to understand how I was feeling and what was going on. I just wanted to feel like the things I was doing would have a positive impact on the future I'm creating, even though I'm still at a stage where I don't know what to do to create the future I want. So I came to the conclusion tha
  3. Oh my god. That first line. "What usually does the healing for parents is that a child changes so much that the parent has an option to either shift and stay a match to their child or lose them completely." That's where I am. Last year I was a bit unsure on whether or not I wanted to go completely no contact with my family or let them have my new phone number when I change it. My intuition told me to move back with my mom, probably because it was the fastest way for me to learn certain things during covid, but it has also erased any doubt I had left. Once things clear up and I c
  4. My greatest annoyance with recipes is that spoons and cups tell me nothing about the amount. Having to look up translators for amounts results in me not wanting to cook anymore 99% of the time. Please use grams in your cookbook I'm begging you.
  5. Ryuraven

    Coffee

    Never drank coffee, never liked it. Thinking about the fed up thing it kinda makes sense bc I've been fed up with so much for so long. Although when I was a kid it was more of a "fed up but powerless to make a change" But I do think I'm out of the fed up stage now, or at least fading out of it, perhaps faster on some subjects than others. "I know what doesn't work so what am I going to do instead?" that's the point I'm at. Looking for what does work.
  6. To me it's more of an impatience. As far as I'm aware, I do believe the universe is going to get me everything I want. It's just a matter of being clear on what I want, and keeping an eye out for inspiration, intuition and opportunities. It's just that I'm not really happy where I am now, and I want to experience the daily life of having the things I want. I tend to get impatient and wanting to skip steps before even knowing exactly what the steps are. Although it does feel like outside pressure is what makes me feel the need to rush, rather than wanting to. If I'm not getting things
  7. Ryuraven

    Childhood Story

    I liked the series of Zorro. Theme is fight for what you believe in even if the authority figures think you're the bad guy. Such a mood. Movie's still good tho
  8. Ryuraven

    Childhood Story

    Out of the night, when the full moon is bright; Comes the horseman known as Zorro! This bold renegade carves a Z with his blade, A Z that stands for Zorro! Zorro, the fox so cunning and free; Zorro, who makes the sign of the Z! Fucking loved him as a kid. I'm also pretty sure he's the reason I always wanted a black horse (still do) and secret rooms and corridors in my house. And I swear when I get to biuld my own house I'm gonna have a secret room just because I can. I also always wanted to learn fencing but there wasn't a class for that around, not so much into fighting a
  9. Ryuraven

    Physically Mirrored Trauma

    Did quite a bit of work with my womb since my periods get so bad. But the meditations and stuff specifically for that don't fit with me as I'm a guy. I've tried for some problems in my knees but didn't get far with that. And everything else I tried didn't really work.
  10. I did a value exercise with cards a while ago. I put connection as my top value. This made me realize there was no card labeled freedom in that deck because it sure as hell is much more important to me. If I can't be free I can't really be myself, which would make real connection impossible. Moreover, connection is a choice both people must make for it to exist, freedom is inherent in myself and no one can take it away unless I choose to give it away. As important as connection may be, it leaves the door open for someone to control you. But freedom only opens the doors of your choice. Bes
  11. Funny how you posted this last night and then when I wake up, my mom says hi, to which I don't respond because, well, I've never greeted someone who lives in the same house as me in my entire life so it doesn't even cross my mind as an option. Also I hate speaking before breakfast, it just puts me in a bad mood for the entire day. And now she was like "When I say hi I want you to say it back. To other people too. I demand it." It felt like she was unreasonably angry over something being the same way it had always been. It does feel like a futile attempt to control me. She wasn't yell
  12. Ryuraven

    Guaranteed Happiness

    Freedom. But the way this question is posed is a bit odd. If you are gonna be happy no matter what, you literally have nothing to lose by choosing freedom. Even if it's gonna end up feeling the same, why would you choose a cage over walking through a field of flowers? You'll be happy even if you're homeless and can't find food, and you're too busy being happy to fear death. What exactly are they even gonna do? Ensuring everyone is happy no matter what takes away the use of punishment and reward. "Go live in this factory, you will work on making things with only breaks for food
  13. Ryuraven

    Repeat Trauma

    I'm stuck and just kind of going along because I don't want to create trouble between me and others... I never agreed with all laws, always thought they're too limiting on our freedom and bodily autonomy, and so much more recently. But no matter where on earth you go, there are a lot of similar or even worse laws. I was born and therefore I will be punished for not obeying those who came before me. I always tried to minimize the punishment I receive by going along with whatever the authority figures in my life demanded, but I never quite succeeded in silencing what I really want and think
  14. Ryuraven

    Denial

    "Our liberties are being taken, and they're not going to be given back, you guys." I had to pause it there. Been catching up to a few full videos (instead of the 1 minute on insta). Today's video was a question "would you still choose freedom even if you were guaranteed to always feel good no matter what happens to you?" And I definitely chose freedom. A previous video mentioned that this is a time where you might discover your purpose. Freedom has always mattered so much to me. I've gotten in trouble more than once for choosing freedom over social rules. I was pretty disconnect
  15. Ryuraven

    Shortcut

    Last year I came to understand that every person I meet and every situation I'm in is meant to teach me something, and I'll naturally move on to the next step. I went back to live with my mom after my intuition told me to do so. Honestly not something I'd have considered doing otherwise, but I've learned that my intuition will at the very least take me down the fastest road. I know that my purpose is authenticity, but that single word gives no clue on what that practically looks like. I guess we'll see where this takes us.
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