After my 3rd suicide attempt when it didn’t work that I was either gonna die or do everything I can to learn how to live.
I realized That I didn’t actually want die, but that I wanted to live but I just didn’t know how to.
I pulled out all the stops to do whatever I could to make myself happy and love myself.
Didn’t last long though those darn onion layers.
oh well it sure did propel me on the world of self actualization and I could never go back
That I not want what I think I want but only want it for power. That I’m really a small inferior person and not like the heroins and hero’s I always wanted to be like as I grew up. That I’m more the side character who is just in the background living a mediocre life without any significant talents or desired.
Do more inquiry, absolutely commit to self development and changing patterns to have bomb ass relationships and life
find what’s actually true for me
look at sharks from within a shark cage which is funny cause one of my worst absolute fears is to fall into the ocean and have a shark face me having nowhere to escape
Force myself to be someone and have traits I am not, don’t have. Instead of discovering genuine authenticity and desire.
keeping obsessing over making things come true for me that I don’t actually desire but only want to keep me safe because “it’s more superior”