I can very much relate to what you expressed. It's so scary to be inside of that trauma and pain but then to try to be vulnerable with others seems impossible in the midst of that, but at the same time because of the light inside of us wanting to magnitize towards truth, towards healing, towards love and connection, it feels as though that magnetism is like a fly being attracted to the bug zapper. We can't help but be drawn to those beautiful attributes but it hurts when we do go towards them only to be attacked by the darkness of others. I guess the solution I find myself embracing is to keep going towards that light, towards those attributes of love, connection, & truth because everytime we get zapped it will force us into healing and make us stronger. I know it's scary & painful.