How do we do this and integrate our kids into the world. For example Master 8 says no to washing up, a seemingly simple thing. But the fallout affects the rest of the family and how they feel about him and themselves. To let him make that choice and to go back to his book and lack of engagement in the family and life doesn't help anyone. I am keen to bring my awesome kids up the best I can and would love to learn to mix autonomy and functioning within a unit. Another example M8 didn't want to go to training for his team sport last night. It is his first session and I know he is still finding his way. I made him go. He ended up having the most fun he has had all year. I felt crap being a hard arse but knew if he didn't go he would find it harder and harder to go. Where is the balance.