I understand the pain you are going through of being hated because I have been hated as well or I am currently being hated at the moment. I have a classmate at school named Monica. Monica and I are both aspiring classical musicians, we both reached local acclaim in our school and music community after our performance of Mozart's flute concerto in D major. We were the talk of the town, our community loved us so much that we thought that we should continue our "Magical Duo." So as preparations for next season came along I had a conversation with Monica about the "future" I basically asked her if she had a "backup plan" if music wasn't going to work out. Of course at the time I also had my own fears of the future just because growing up everyone kept telling me over and over again that I would have a hard life, so I basically internalized those fears. So when I asked Monica about her future of becoming a concert flutist she got hurt by my question because it implies that she wasn't going make it. I did not know this at the time until the semester kept moving along. At school she would avoid me, she would keep her conversations with me short, she would get offended by my jokes at school whenever I would talk to my peers. She would always be angry whenever we would rehearse together. Her behavior has changed and my own nervous system would go into some kind of shock because I can feel the anger being generated from her body. She would also get verbally hostile with me. So I decided to confront her boyfriend to find out what is going on. Alexis (Monica's boyfriend) told me that I hurt her feelings when I asked her if she had a back up plan. I confronted Monica about this situation because her behavior has been hurting my feelings and I broke off from our duo a week and a half before the spring festival. Monica had to find another pianist to accompany her, I felt so relieved to get away from her because the relationship felt very toxic. After the festival, Monica would straight up ignore me at school. whenever we would pass each other in the hallway she would not even look at me or even acknowledge me. It would hurt my feelings because we used to be good friends. Her boyfriend would also ignore me at school as well. Last month I performed at my schools piano recital and Monica's entire family came to the show, after I performed the entire audience applauded my performance except for Monica's entire family. I could see that they all intentionally did not want to applaud me or acknowledge me and that really hurt my feelings. So what I did to comfort myself is to allow myself to feel and go through the feelings of being hurt and hated by my haters. I also shared my experience with close friends who validated me. This really helped me a lot. Its summer now and I know that I am going to see Monica again during the Fall semester, so we shall see how that goes. With each passing week towards the end of the semester I did noticed that my feelings would not get so hurt by Monica, since I am allowing myself to feel my emotions, and recreate an imaginary scene of closure and then wishing her off with love and the best that life will bring her. This experience has allowed me to connect with people who love me and support me to give the comfort that I need. This is a bit of my experience with hate, I hope this helps you in some way. I know that my situation does not compare to the sheer magnitude of hate that you are facing. But I think that you should seek out the comfort from those who love you such as your intentional community, they will be the ones that will help to empower you to stand up to your haters and face them. Besides you would not be able to face these challenges if you were not meant to overcome them. I am sending you so much love from my heart Teal.
wishing you the best,