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About Vala

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  • Birthday 08/29/1977

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    Los Angeles CA

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  1. Vala

    When I talk about narcissism and active addiction, I am not referring to the gray area, really. I know quite well that most things aren't "black or white" and I belive it is very likely that all people struggle a little from time to time with knowing who they are, knowing the best way to communicate with others and all that stuff. Only some people get lost in addiction or severe personality disorders. They are not all gone forever. Some of them may be... All I know is that little can be expected of people when they are very lost. Lost as in abusing alcohol from the moment they wake up until they pass out, with out any regard for anything but getting more alcohol one way or another or if they see life only as a competition and they need to fake empathy as well as other in basic emotion in order to get things for them selfs. Stuff like that should be pretty obvious. From my own experience, as a codependant, I had a hard time facing how bad the problems were with most of my closest people. You might be dealing with a compleatly different issue. I was just sharing what I know,after a long time of learning,in hopes of helping out an other codependant. Not to label people and things as good or bad. I don't believe in that. I believe that there are patterns in communication between sertain personalities. Patterns can be worked on. With people who are not completely lost, good honest communication usually does the trick, in my experience. Good luck! I hope it works out for you ?
  2. Vala

    Are the people ignoring you in an active addiction or narcissistic? If so alanon,coda or Ross Rosinbergs videos on human magnet syndrome might help. Some people don't have anything to give. It is unrealistic to have any expectations about receiving love or positive attention from people like that. They treat others with disrespect to get attention, pitty (which they seem to think is the same as love) and validation from them. If this is the case you need to care enough about yourself to stop finding people that seem to need saving in some way.
  3. Vala

    I love Kali. She is a protective mother,ruler of time, destroyer of ego (the ego concerned about image and reputation,not the inner self) as well as the goddess of death and birth / ends and beginnings.
  4. Vala

    Kali wouldn't do that.
  5. The girl was found dead.
  6. Open, direct and very honist communication is the key. Don't expect anyone to read your mind. If you are not being open / honest + you are keeping secrets, you can't know if you are really being faithful (according to their values/standards) and you are probably trying to convince yourself (dishonesty) that you are not disrespecting any of the three of you... Secrets = dishonesty = disrespect = no grounds for unconditional love / meaningful long term relationship. Life is not that complicated ?
  7. Vala

    There are 27 nakshatras. Each one has 4 padas. The main one is the one connected to the moon sign. The vedic astrology is very complicated, but it can be increadebly accurate. Nakshatra/birthstar changes every few hours. It seems to vary how long each one lasts. Google vedic astrology charts if you have time to dig into it ?
  8. Can you use your psychic abilities to help find a messing person? In my small country, a young woman went missing six days ago. Here is a link about this case...
  9. Vala

    Google is your friend ? I am sure some of you will get very fascinated by vedic astrology. I find it so much more accurate than the western astrology ?
  10. Vala

    Try to find out what you would rather be doing for a living. Finish the projects that you have started and quit when you have decided your next step. Do you want to study something else? Would you like to be your own boss and start some typeof a business? What do you enjoy doing? Once you have an idea of what you'd rather be doing you can set up a goal to do that thing. You might need to save some money if you plan on starting your own thing or going back to school. I think quiting without a plan,will only get you the same pattern. Good luck
  11. Vala

    Dear Teal, I know a little bit about haters and those who lie and defend lies. They get very scared of honest people. Their defence mechanism can make them very aggressive and abusive. I very much prefer people to be honest and try to be inlightened (about the truths of our world and time, at least) What can I do (as one, or a part of a collective) to help? I want to help. I'm with you. Sending good thoughts and vibrations to the best of my ability. ❤ Vala
  12. Maybe you should just take a couple of weeks without contact to neither one of them. Two or three weeks is not a long time if everyone involved is dead serious. Use the time to reflect. Think of their flaws and see if you feel like you can accept them all in a long term relationship. Think of your dreams and goals in life, and how they could work out in relation to their dreams and lifegoals. Are there conflicts on major issues like wanting kids, where in the world you want to live, religion or big core beliefs? Good luck ?
  13. Vala

    Codependant no more, is a good basic book. There are coda meetings in most countries. They also have online meetings, that can be attended from anywhere there is an Internet connection. Check out Byron Katie and Ross Rosinberg on YouTube. Teal Swan has a lot of excellent stuff too. Stick to your guns. Practice saying no, without explaining why. When asked just say you have your resons. If asked further, just say you don't want to talk about it. It is a great way to get people to stop taking you for granted. Don't worry about them getting pissed of. The ones that matter will stick around ? Good luck. Remember that being rejected by narcissistic assholes that don't respect you is a great blessing ?
  14. It is allso very possible to love people without being in a relationship with them.
  15. Don't base your decision solely on future possibilities. Life is now, for sure. Anything can happen in the future. Love requires respect, trust, honesty and so on... What can you offer either one of them? Can you / do you, honor their needs? If you do,does doing so honour your own needs? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Do you feel like you are looking past their weaknesses in order to love them or that you might need to change some aspects of them or does it feel like unconditional love?