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GabijaCij

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  1. Having a sense of self vs. other is part of participating in this physical dimension. The individual perspective and experience is what is currently serving the expansion of this universe. And so, we perceive a difference between ourselves and the rest of the world. This individual perspective is a kind of boundary that defines us from everything else. We have heard again and again from self help experts and psychologists that it is crucial to our wellbeing to develop healthy boundaries. But what are boundaries really? Boundaries are guidelines for how someone relates the self to the rest of t
  2. 30 yards out into the ocean, just before the waves break into white, the jade colored water extends in all directions. Like a whole separate world, the sound of the ocean drowns out the more familiar sounds of the shore. Even though you may be with other people, by stepping into the ocean they become distant. My new event coordinator, seems completely at home in the ocean. With a huge smile, unaffected by the cold and unpredictable sea, he rises to the surface only to dive back down again, like a merman who has been temporarily lost on land. I am holding my son tight against me. He count
  3. The plane dips and dives in the turbulence, hovering over miles of flat patches of perfectly square properties and fields, divided by tiny roads that are barely visible. I am on my way to Orlando for a synchronization workshop we are putting on there. This time, I’ve brought half of the members of my intentional community with me on this trip, including my son. Among many other key experiences that Florida has to offer a child, I want him to experience the Florida ocean. After Orlando, I am taking everyone on a spiritual pilgrimage up to Lido and Siesta Key. On this plane, I have been
  4. My footsteps slap against the flagstone in the entryway of the house. Today, I am running through the house, light on the wings of inspiration. There is no feeling in this world that I love more. Like a mad scientist who has solved an equation that will alter the course of history, I have not eaten in hours. I have written emergency messages to my publisher. The world has opened up and I can see the alteration in the life path potentials. One by one, they change to reflect a future where suffering ends. An anxiety attack is one of the absolute the worst emotional experiences a perso
  5. The words spoken hours ago spin seductively like bait through the eerie silence of loneliness. They beg you to bite and be hooked. Conflict is like a fish lure in dark waters. You fear it because it can lead to death. You love it because of its provocative flare. The cup of tea is steaming on the table in front of me. Sometimes it feels like friendship is as fragile as the steam that rises from this cup. It can be broken apart by the slightest of breaths. “Let yourself and your life be stripped clean. The theme that is the most dominant this year is purification. This year will be
  6. A brilliant reflection glitters across the surface of a drop of blood that falls to the floor of the emergency operating room. When it hits the linoleum, it forms a tiny splash. Like art, the passion of the image of it is a protest. The crimson red aliveness of the blood seems to visually scream out against the deadness of the white. I have been pulled out of body again. This time, I am straddling the frequency of the fourth and fifth dimension. This is an Asian country. The man who is bleeding onto the floor has tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head and he has failed.
  7. Krishnamurti once said, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society”. This saying is ricocheting around in my mind today as I found myself visiting with an expert in the field of marriage and family therapy. He reminded me of all the standard concepts that exist within family therapy. Things like “It is expected for divorce to be contentious.” “In divorce situations it is normal for kids to feel like they are in the middle.” “Introduction of the step parents must be done very slowly because the new step parent is considered to be a threat to the connection
  8. In Seattle, the clouds are so heavily laden with moisture that the clouds turn a particular shade of grey. They are almost the color of granite stone. People are milling about in the streets with their coffee cups; their shoulders hunched slightly against the dismal weather. Today, I feel the opposite of the weather outside. I feel expansive. The contrast between how I feel and the ambiance of the city this morning is adding coziness to the warmth inside my heart. Every event I speak at is different, but this one was the most multi-dimensional collection of people I’ve been in a sing
  9. GabijaCij

    Sunlight

    Angst sings and howls through the aqueducts of flesh. It cannot escape with the breath. It is not softened by thought. It is not melted away by the passing of time. Uncertainty celebrates when it claims dominion and leaves what it finds in sensual ruin. I lie on the floor in a shaft of sunlight. I close my eyes to let it greet my face. The dark world behind my eyelids is turned coquelicot. Warmth is loud as it rejoices in the merciful stillness of light. The angst is hushed. It is paroled by the breath. It is softened by the warmth. It is melted away by the charity of l
  10. The pulverizing constriction of expectation closes in on you the minute you fail to fulfill an expectation. A child is not born with expectations of itself. We learn to expect things from ourselves when other people (whose love we desire) expect things of us and only demonstrate love when we live up to those expectations. Internalizing and beating ourselves up in order to live up to those expectations is less painful than losing their approval or being beaten up by them in order to live up to those expectations. In some ways, I think I have the best career on the face of the earth. In
  11. The church bells cry out to the city that surrounds them. The sound is heard by the sky city tower nearby, but it is quickly muffled out by the expanse of surrounding buildings. I have returned to New Zealand instead of visited for the first time. When I was a toddler, my parents lived with me in New Zealand for nearly a year. We spent most of our time on a sheep farm in Christchurch. I developed a love affair with both pavalova (the national dessert) and vegemite (an intensely salty condiment many people love here). I learned how to ride a horse here. I remember so much from that perio
  12. From the 10th floor of the hotel, the vernacular architecture of Queensland extends outwards until it is swallowed by even taller buildings. Brisbane is unique in that you can see the way it has evolved over time. As needs changed, so did the design of the city. But the skeleton of the old version of the city remains. Each century of architecture served as a platform for the next. It is easy to see how some centuries valued aesthetics and others valued function. It gives a feeling of great vibrational depth to the city. It honestly feels like a big town rather than a city. Brisbane
  13. The door opens; I enter a dimly lit room that is overflowing with the uproar of cheering and applause. The Sydney audience quite literally yanks me into the room with their collective enthusiasm. I love an enthusiastic audience. In truth every performer does. I make my way over to the ornate red velvet chairs that are waiting at the focal point of the room. In a twist of humor, I have to hold the waistband of my pants up while I walk across the room because the audio clip attached to my microphone is pulling them down. I sit in the heat heavy glow of the stage lights. For most people on
  14. I will never live the day of January 21st 2016. We left in a snowstorm on the morning of January 20th. We flew through the night, southwest across the time zones and arrived in Sydney Australia on the morning of January 22nd. I traveled for so long that I arrived feeling rootless and as if I had wilted. I made the mistake of watching the movie Interstellar to entertain myself on the flight across the Pacific Ocean. I can officially say that it is a bad idea to get into the apocalyptic vibration of that film for three hours while sitting in a rudimentary metal object, making a turbulent tr
  15. I am perusing on YouTube for a funny video to watch. Out of the blue, one of my own videos pops up on the screen. Beneath my image is a line that reads: Uploaded one year ago. I feel a mild shock roll through my body. From my perspective, I filmed that video what feels like only weeks ago. Time shows no mercy in its relentless march forward. I feel nostalgia when I realize how fast time is moving. Nostalgia for the way a life screams with brightness into being only to fade out of existence. As we all know, the greatest gifts most often come from our greatest difficulties. I can see
  16. Three and a half hours drive along the dry coastline of Southern California, we turned East into a small town shrouded in oak trees. I have come here to attend a yoga retreat at the Sagrada Wellness Center near San Louis Obispo. The center is rustic in that there is nothing fancy about it. It is not luxurious. Instead, it feels stripped of any excesses. Its style is a fusion of ranch and Zen. Being here, isolated in nature in a place designed for wellness, there is no way to escape being with yourself. The Sagrada Wellness Center feels as if it is designed minimalistically so as to be a
  17. Las Vegas is held in the grip of the desert, like a secluded oasis. It feels like an isolated playground. Journeying to it through the desert, you feel as if you have left your life behind and entered an alternate reality. “Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” is perhaps the most accurate saying associated with a city that I’ve ever encountered. For people who are vacationing here, there is no cross pollination between one’s real world and one’s experiences in Vegas. I have spent considerable time in this city. Years ago when I was modeling, one of my agencies decided as I was
  18. Your pain has convinced you that you are alone here; that there is no way out of the well of the wound that has swallowed you. I am a teacher. I sit on a throne of certainty and ease, as if it were never tested; or so it now appears. Now that I am showing others how to live a life of ease... But this throne has not been mine forever. And my place upon it is tested every single day. There are many gates that one can pass through to reach awakening. The gate of oneness, the gate of nothingness, the gate of the present or the gate that I came through… The gate of suffering. I do understa
  19. From above the clouds, the horizon line is below you. The ink of night forms a bubble around you. The stars are not just above you; they are horizontal to you and beneath you as well. It is beautiful. I usually don’t take nighttime flights. They have the tendency to be disorienting but sometimes, they cannot be reasonably avoided. Turbulence feels worse at nighttime. With no visual reference in sight, you cannot orient yourself in space. You feel even more powerless to what you cannot know as a passenger. You’re being flown blind into the darkness. The woman in front of me is str
  20. “Her own wisdom and that of all about her, is insufficient and so she keeps seeking and through that seeking will lead” - Abraham Lincoln’s Stone Statue – Yesterday, I wrote a blog called “Three Handprints” in which I shared one of my repetitive dreams to the public. In yesterday’s blog, I explained that all aspects of the dream are the dreamer. And I said that I would use my favorite dream process that recognizes this truth about dreams, to decode and interpret this dream and then reveal the results in a follow up blog. Today’s blog is that follow up blog. Given the perspective y
  21. Last night, I allowed myself to dream. When you become adept enough at controlling the transition out of body, dreaming is a choice you can consciously make. I do it from time to time in order to gain more awareness about the contents of my own subconscious mind. I was taken to a dream I have had several times before… I am riding in the old Isuzu trooper that my family used to own. It was white with a black covered tire on the back. When I was young, each member of the nuclear family had dipped their hand in white paint and placed it on the tire cover, leaving behind four white handp
  22. The plane is filled. The tips of hundreds of heads peak out from behind the seat backs. From my place in the main cabin, it looks like a river of people stretching out before me. I am crossing the ocean by crossing the clouds once again. This time, back to my home country. It seems no matter where I go; I can’t avoid stirring up controversy. I was informed that because this trip to Monaco was an official trip made by a diplomat, the previous blog (the red lace dress) would have to be approved by the ambassador before being made public. Needless to say, due to the fact that I did my t
  23. The Mediterranean Sea stretches out into the distance until it meets the edge of the sky. 400 meters out, an ocean swimmer strokes his way lazily across the horizon. The lapping of lazy waves caresses the beach lovingly. And the city-state of Monaco stands behind me, poised with elegant determination overlooking the scene. A collection of aesthetic apartments so densely packed, it seems like they are climbing atop one another. I decided that in conjunction with my Paris workshop, I would accept the invitation to attend the Monaco National Day celebration here. With enough wealth, on
  24. I would love to write a blog today that sweeps people away with positive intrigue. I would love to simply skip over any mention of the Paris attack and make this blog all about the love that I have found here. But the truth is that life contains both suffering and joy. And as we see time and time again, one so often gives way to the other. The phone buzzed incessantly as the text messages came flooding in. The aggravating hum of it pulled me out of the covers. Message after message to the tone of “Are you guys ok?” and “We are worried about you, call us to tell us you’re alright”.
  25. Everyone is afraid. I went to a gym this morning to run around an indoor track in anonymity. And in the faces of those who ran beside me, I could clearly see how hard we are all pretending to not be afraid. We are hoping no one notices we are afraid. We are secretly wondering as a result, why we are afraid and everyone else seems to be doing fine. Because of this fear, living for most of us means being brave. But a brave person is not truly fearless. Bravery only exists in an atmosphere of fear. People who become fearless do not become fearless by being so brave that they can defy thei
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