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How To Thrive In A Crisis - Part 1

How To Thrive In A Crisis - FULL





Everything posted by GabijaCij

  1. GabijaCij

    Boulder Mountain

    Teal is out on a trip in Utah and shares a magical story of something she's experienced in these mountains.
  2. Teal has a video on finding your excellence where she shares some tips on how to do it Maybe it would help? - How To Find Your Excellence
  3. GabijaCij


    The frequency of release. This frequency is also enhanced by sigils which facilitate release. This is a master frequency relative to assisting you with letting go, releasing resistance, allowing, and setting free. It is an antidote to frequencies such as: tension, resistance, holding on, opposition, withholding, suppression, imprisonment.
  4. Teal and Blake share some tips on intentional community living.
  5. "This process may seem like a trite little self help visualization process. It's not. It is so not."
  6. GabijaCij

    What's In My Bag?

    Teal shares the contents of her purse.
  7. We all know a person, maybe you are this person, who chronically opposes, denies and doubts, who has lost faith in human goodness and who is skeptical and pessimistic to the degree that it almost seems they possess either no belief in (or a contempt for) pleasure, hope, faith and positivity. Society calls this person a cynic. But what society has failed to recognize is that cynicism is not a character trait. Cynicism is a coping mechanism. To cope is to make a specific alteration mentally, emotionally or physically so that you can manage or adapt to something that is causing you stress. A coping mechanism is a specific procedure, process or technique, which manages or creates adaptation to stress. And therefore, by definition, it is the opposite of changing something so that there is no longer a stressor. To understand this more in depth watch my video titled: How to Let Go of a Coping Mechanism. Cynicism is a coping mechanism that may have saved your life at one time, but can absolutely ruin your life. It is also so painful for other people that it creates a vicious spiral of self-fulfilling prophecy. To understand this coping mechanism, we must go back to the onset. People do not incarnate as cynics or skeptics. Have you ever met a cynical baby? If you are cynical, at some point in your life, you experienced one or several serious let downs. Catastrophic sudden shocks or disappointments relative to the positive elements of your life. For example, a situation or many that caused a catastrophic blow to your belief in others, hopes, dreams, goals, trust, faith, desires, or expectations. This was so psychologically and emotionally and maybe even physically traumatizing, that you decided a state of positivity is inherently vulnerable and so you had to buffer yourself against positivity at all costs. As a result, you began to use negativity as this buffer. But this buffer is experienced as painful and antagonistic by others, causing them to behave in harsh and defensive ways to you, only further reinforcing your negative beliefs in people, which cause you to behave even more cynical, which cause them to be even more hostile to you, which cause you to behave even more cynical, which cause them to behave even more hostile. And thus, the vicious spiral continues. It is ultimately your right to remain cynical in your approach to the world. The reality is that you have every reason for it to be justified for you to feel and act the way you do. It is simply that living in a constant state of pessimism and let down is not really living and it is also a coping mechanism, much like positive bypassing, smoking, cutting, gambling or suppression for example. For this reason, if you are interested in letting go of the coping mechanism of cynicism, here are some suggestions: Be brave enough to see what you are getting out of being cynical. How is it serving you? Cynicism is a defense mechanism. You use it to try to stay safe. When you feel hurt and afraid and disappointed, but you can’t face those emotions directly, you turn against the world and begin to push things away. We use cynicism to make sure we never ever get our hopes up only to be let down again. Essentially, we disappoint ourselves before the world can ever do it for us. But cynicism paints the lens you see the world through dark and it also separates you from genuine awareness. Whenever you have an antagonistic perspective about something that someone else feels positive about or whenever you want to deny or doubt or feel pessimism creeping in, stop caring about whether you are right or wrong. You might be either! But that shouldn’t stop you from asking yourself, how might it keep me safe to think and feel and act this way in this exact situation? For example, imagine someone says “I feel like next year is going to be a good year” and you feel yourself immediately thinking the other person is just an optimistic idiot, but you know you want to work on your tendency of being skeptical, look at how believing the person is an idiot and that next year is gonna suck keeps you safe. What does it prevent you from experiencing or being? You are going to have to see yourself as a “scapegoater” to get over the behavior. Instead of making the real problem the problem, such as the other person, you made positivity or hope or optimism the problem, thus scapegoated it. And so many skeptics are scapegoats for their families and other people that if you are a skeptic, you should know how “off” that is. Many skeptics do this scapegoating of the positive so as to preserve relationships with the people who let them down. In other words, it isn’t Dad that’s the problem, it’s that I got my hopes up that is the problem. That way, I can control not getting hurt again, not having the solution be in dad’s hands and still hang out and be close to dad without there being a problem between us and still feel a sense of belonging. Getting over cynicism is about getting into reality about what the real problem was and is, relative to things not coming to fruition, hopes or expectations not being fulfilled, disappointments and negative trends. Rather than scapegoating the optimism, expectations, hopes or goals themselves. You set out to prove everything wrong because if you prove everything else wrong, you are not wrong. Many skeptics feel like in life, other people either made or tend to make everything their fault so if they prove that the fault lies with other things and people in the external, they don’t have to feel that deep down fear that everything is their fault. This is the insecurity you can’t face. But anything besides facing that insecurity is avoidance. This is one of the reasons why arguing with a cynic or skeptic does no good, it reinforces the painful narrative inside them of “I am wrong”. If you are a skeptic, you are going to have to accept a very vulnerable truth about yourself. All of your ways of thinking and behaving are ways to completely disguise your true missing need: Kindness. What you really want is kindness. But you would never dare reveal this vulnerability or set yourself up to have your hopes dashed again and so you would never admit to it or ask for kindness directly. If you are a skeptic, you tend to isolate and not have many friends. You give off the impression that you don’t want any. But deep down, you don’t want to end up alone. You want relationships that feel good and feel like ease, with people who are kind and considerate and who really value you and do not let you down. The only reason you tend to isolate is because you associate people with pain. The thing is, your cynicism hurts people. So they associate you with pain. You are perpetuating the very cycle that hurt you and made you this way in the first place. If you want society to change, you already know you can’t expect THEM to change first so that you can change. If you want to have people in your life who are kind and considerate and who value you and don’t let you down, those are the qualities you need to offer others. If all they feel is stupid and wrong and un-valued by you, which is how they currently feel, they can’t really share themselves with you and wont desire to be close to you. As it stands, people have to be willing to be pricked and bitten by you to be close to you. Sit with that and see how you might be willing to make yourself safer to others and sit with how much it sucks to have to be the one to make that first move into kindness. You give off the absolute opposite impression from what you really want and need, which is the opposite of a recipe for actually getting what you want and need. Many skeptics come from families where there is already a problem with happiness, no matter what the members of the family might have said. For example, it is common for a mother to say “all I want is for you to be happy” but in reality, any time her child was happy, she got exasperated or shamed her child for getting his or her hopes up. If you are a skeptic, the vulnerability of positivity is what you are trying to avoid. For this reason, it is critical to understand your negative association with positivity and happiness and see that positive emotion could in and of itself be a trigger for you. Negating anything positive is how many cynics control their rather wounded and therefore fragile emotional system by maintaining a predictable feeling of ‘negative or monotone’ so as to create predictability. It’s a “no real dramatic up and downs if I keep myself at a predictably low emotional altitude” thing. But this is not the life you came here to live. It is not a recipe for fulfillment. To understand this dynamic fully, watch my video titled: When Happiness is a BAD Thing. Be brave enough to look at the wound hiding underneath the coping mechanism. To do this, you’re going to have to be especially attuned to the subtle emotional trigger you have when you hear good news or positive expectation or hope being expressed by someone else or being felt by you. You can use that discomfort and the thoughts that come with it like “that’s never going to happen” or “the only reason that person is doing that is for their own self-gratification” or “the world is going to shit anyway” as a doorway into the original experience. This way, you can create resolve relative to the actual wounding experience. To do this, you can use The Completion Process. Doing this process will help you answer the question: When did I experience a trauma in which my faith in people or my positive goals or hopes or expectations or faith was dashed? When did I feel totally blindsided? When did I become disillusioned? What painful disappointment was too much for me to resolve? To learn how to do this process, you can pick up a copy of my book titled: The Completion Process or visit and select a practitioner to lead you through it. You can also watch my video titled: How to Heal the Emotional Body. And because disappointment is so often the deep wound beneath cynicism, it would benefit you to watch my video titled: Disappointment (How to Get Over Disappointment). Like many good coping mechanisms, they become all wound up in your self concept. In other words, you found a way to wind a coping mechanism that causes you pain into your self-esteem. Thus, your ego now imagines that it is dependent on it. Cynicism must be unhooked from your self-esteem in order for you to let go of it. If you are a Cynic, you maintain the coping mechanism because you tell yourself that being cynical or skeptical makes you more intelligent, wore experienced and worldly… better. Your sense of superiority is derived from seeing what you call the “harsh reality” of others and of the world. You tend to derive self-esteem through how dumb and innocent and naïve and inexperienced you think others are when they are positive. The reality is that when you suffered the original wound of being so disappointed and so let down, you turned against yourself. You didn’t only scapegoat positivity, you also scapegoated yourself for being so stupid and naïve as to not see it coming. You project this same sentiment onto anyone who subconsciously reminds you of yourself at the time that wound occurred… anyone who has their hopes up, is positive, has faith or expresses optimism. Start the practice of AND consciousness. This is a safer thing to include as part of your self concept than cynicism. Reality is comprised of polarities. ‘And Consciousness’ is a state of mind where you develop the ability to hold space for extremes. This is an important part of the development of both mental and emotional maturity. In the moment that we acknowledge a contradictory truth or state of being and expand wide enough to be able to hold both, as if holding both is ok, we have dis-identified with both extremes. We have ceased to become either or and instead have become the thing that is holding both. Reality includes both positive and negative. Both faith and doubt. The most conscious person is the person who doesn’t try to negate one with the other, or who only recognizes one and not the other, it is the person who is aware of both in every situation. It is not any more aware of a person to only be aware of the negative than it is to only be aware of the positive. If you are a cynic, to be in reality is to see that you are relationally traumatized. Relational trauma is trauma experienced in relationship with other people. This has led to you becoming a deeply distrustful person and for good reason. Anyone who tells you that you should just start trusting people is seriously out of reality. As you cannot just force yourself to trust someone, it’s actually impossible. But trust in relationships is a key component to happiness. For this reason, you’re going to have to really, deeply understand trust and how to develop it. To understand how to do this, watch two of my videos: The first is: Trust (What is Trust and How to Build Trust in Relationships). The second is: How To Create a Safe Relationship. As a cynic, you are trying harder to buffer yourself from suffering and pain than you are trying to see truth or to see things as they are. But the best thing about you is that you WANT to be in reality. You may be currently leaving positivity out of the picture of reality, but you are more brave than most when it comes to seeing many of the painful parts of reality that other people want to deny. You have broken out of many patterns of ignorance and falsehood and discovered more of what is real and you have seen the genuine problems in the world. This knowledge can give you power in fact. After all, your only axis of power is to be in reality. What have you become disillusioned with and why? What is that disillusionment showing you that you do want? How could you put your energy into it and take action to create that change you do want? For example, if the issue with the world is that people aren’t kind, and if you had to be the one to show people by example what it looked like to be kind, what would you think, say and do. Now Do That! As a skeptic, your negative assessments are a defense against suffering. You are deeply afraid of expecting anything that turns out to be less than what you want or expect. You spend your life disappointing yourself and letting yourself down and countering hope and faith before the world can do it for you. It was a brilliant strategy. But all brilliant strategies can wind up being the very thing that harms you, in your case the very thing committing you to a painful life. I am not here today to make a case for positivity. Or to convince you that life is good. Or that people are good. You have plenty of valid proof of the opposite. I am merely here to say that you are living in a coping mechanism that just might be preventing you from the fulfillment of the life that you actually came here to live.
  8. 10 downloads

    How To Cure Back Pain
  9. GabijaCij

    Islands and Limits

    Here are some questions to ask yourself today - In what ways am I making myself an island unto myself? In what ways do I feel safe to do the opposite today? In what ways am I not acknowledging limits?
  10. Most people on the planet feel conditionally loved. They feel people will value, appreciate and love them only if they are perceived as good and right and successful and are doing what others want and expect etc. This means that most people have this deep missing need of feeling unconditionally loved no matter what they do or don’t do, are or are not. At face value, this seems reasonable. After all, we all know the pain that conditionality can bring. We know the pain of feeling like we have to act a certain way in order to belong and to avoid conflict and to not be abandoned. The practice of unconditional love is one of the cornerstones of many spiritual philosophies. Just go ahead and look up how many quotes on unconditional love there are. But let’s look at the shadow of this philosophy. When we say we want unconditional love, what we really mean is that we want an unconditional relationship. We want a relationship with no consequences. We want a relationship where no matter what we do or don’t do, the other person will continue to value us and appreciate us to the degree that they will feel good towards us and never ever get into conflict suffering with us or want to leave us. Sit with this for a minute. To expect unconditional love is to expect there to be no cause and effect. To want unconditional love is to want a relationship where there is no pressure on you, including no expectations. It really isn’t love we are asking for. We are simply using that word to represent the feeling of being valued and appreciated so as to be wanted and pulled in and held on to by someone. To love is to take something as a part of yourself. To understand this more in depth, watch my video titled: What is Love?. When you do this, you expand so that yourself and the other person are like two parts within you. You don’t abandon the part that is yourself for the sake of the part of you that is the other person. It is simply that now, the best interests of both parts within you (yourself and them) are your concern. You have an intrinsic motive to want to meet both of their needs and resolve both of their pain. But this means that incompatibility now matters to you immensely. You cannot feel good meeting one’s needs at the expense of the other. And therefore, to truly love, you must recognize conditions that exist for both parts within the relationship instead of deny them. For example, let’s imagine that you are a person who wants a simple, no pressure life that is centered around hobbies and hanging out with the people you love. Now let’s imagine that you develop romantic feelings for a person who is ambitious, someone who wants a big life that is centered around the accumulation of wealth, achievements and travel. If you get into a relationship with this person, this incompatibility will very soon cause you both pain. You will feel conditionally loved when the other person begins to complain about your lack of ambition and about how they carry the financial weight in the household and about the “losers” who you hang out with. You begin to feel that they don’t like who you are and that they will only love you if you become someone else. They will feel conditionally loved when you are frustrated at how they can’t just be satisfied with what they have. They will feel conditionally loved when no matter how much you see that they are unhappy in the small, predictable life, you do nothing to change it and instead keep playing your same hobbies and spending time with those same people instead of trying to make a better, bigger life for both of you. What you want is for this person to value you and appreciate you to the degree that they will feel good towards you and never ever get into conflict suffering with you or leave you no matter if you never make any more money, never travel and make them carry the burden of any life style improvements alone for example. What they want is for you to value them and appreciate them to the degree that you will feel good towards them and never get into conflict suffering with them or want to leave them no matter if they think your friends and family are all losers, leave you behind for trips they go on around the world, and work so much that it feels like you’re living two separate lives. This is not possible. You can include someone as a part of you, so as to see what is truly best for them and what they truly want. But if the truth of someone takes you further away from what you want, further away from your truth and causes you to suffer, you will not be able to value and appreciate it to the degree that it feels good and compels you to be on good terms and stay with them in the same relationship configuration. This means that loving someone does not always mean to always approve and always stay with them. To understand more about this, watch my videos titled: Incompatibility (A Harsh Reality in Relationships). And Why Approval is Not Love. The person who you are the least likely to get the most unconditionality from is a primary partner. The reason is that they have the most “skin in the game”. They are the person whose life is the most directly affected by conditions involving you. In fact, to be unconditional, they would have to be totally disconnected so nothing you are or do affects them. This is why so many people who are in need of relationship rehabilitation do so well with therapists. A therapist relationship is more unconditional than almost any other relationship. No matter what you say in that room, it doesn’t cause them to get upset or de-value you or stop appreciating you or want to stop seeing you every week. But this is because they have no skin in the game. If you go home and shoot up heroine and burn your house down, it doesn’t directly impact their life. A friend is probably going to be more conditional because they are more directly affected by you than a therapist. A primary partner is going to be a relationship you really have to step up to the plate for. It will be a relationship of expectations and pressure. The more compatible you are, the easier this will be and the less it will seem like this. Love is not the same as a relationship with no pressure and no expectations. I know that a relationship like this seems the most secure and safe to you. It feels like the relationship you can relax in and feel good about yourself in. But it is a myth. It is a myth you are chasing because of your deep wound of “you are wrong and bad and therefore must change”. I want you to ask yourself, “When I say, I want to be loved just for me, what does “just me” mean? What is just you? What are you? Are you what you do? What you want? How you behave? How you feel? What you think? What you say? Your actions? What your desires are? What your needs are? Just an intangible essence or energy? Are you only one of these things, or all of them? Once you decide, can you see that to not get into any conflict suffering regarding those things or to want to stay tied to you forever, someone would have to be compatible to those things? I am going to challenge you that what you want is not an unconditional relationship. You aren’t even incapable of giving that to someone. Will you continue to value and appreciate someone to the degree that you will feel good towards them and never ever want to physically leave them if they cheat on you? What if they abuse you? What about if they make a decision that means by staying with them physically, you will never align with your desires? Chances are, if you are a person who says you can unconditionally love, unlike everyone else, what you are really saying is that you are a person who thinks it is ok and even good to give your best interests up for and to suffer for a relationship… to stay with someone no matter how miserable you and/or they are together. What you want is a relationship with someone whose conditions are compatible to you… Compatible to your wants, needs, values, character makeup etc. For example, if you desire for someone to stay with you even though you have a temper or to stay with you if you end up in an accident that leaves you disabled or if you are poor forever, what you want is someone who can say yes, I’m compatible to that, because those aren’t conditions for conflict suffering or for ending a relationship for them specifically. One person could genuinely not have the condition of physical ability with regards to fulfillment in their relationship, another person could. One person could genuinely not have the condition of ambition, another could. One person could not have the condition of being together physically, another could. One person could not have the condition of wealth, another could. The reality is that everyone has different conditions. What you want is the person whose conditions, you feel ok with and who is ok with your conditions. That is far closer to actual love than the mythical ‘unconditional love’ that people have unconsciously gone after for so long. Love in and of itself is ultimately unconditional because to take someone as a part of yourself is not a contradiction to incompatibility. Love is ultimately unconditional because at the deepest level, all is one. We are all part of each other, whether we recognize it yet or not. There is no actual way to truly separate from one another, even though in the physical dimension, we can move our bodies to create the perception of distance. There is no way for you to separate from this universe. But all people must become damn conscious of and damn straight with themselves and other people about their relationship conditions. Keep in mind that we will have different and unique conditions for every different relationship configuration that we have; from therapist relationships to coaches to business partnerships to friends to siblings to parents to children to husbands to wives. Because the quality of unconditionality has become a virtue in this society, people are shamed for their conditionality. They are led to believe some conditions are ok and some are not. For example, you are fine to love conditionally and can thus stay a good person if the condition upon which you leave someone is being beaten up or sexually abused by them. You are not fine and are in fact a terrible person if the condition upon which you leave someone is them being poor. The thing is, just because you shame someone for something, doesn’t mean it changes. People simply deny it even though it is there. They say, “I love you no matter what and till death do us part” and then leave you when their subconscious conditions are not met. The unfortunate thing is, to admit to your own conditions relative to relationships, you are going to have to risk feeling like you are and like people will see you as a bad person… ironically thus re-triggering your original wound of: “you are wrong and bad and therefore must change” as well as your pendulum swing desire of wanting unconditional love.
  11. No, this is clips from a CP training not a workshop
  12. Haha. This is a clip from like November 2019 Whoooops :DDD
  13. Teal shares a tip on how to gain awareness of your emotions and why it's important.
  14. When the collective consciousness goes past a certain point of consciousness anybody who's not a match to that, any family line that's not a match to that, goes away.
  15. People don’t see things when the seeing of them means feeling pain. Most especially, they don’t see things when the seeing of them means that they would have to make changes to their life that they think would be painful.
  16. You influence your entire reality and all people in it by changing your own vibration because your entire reality including the people in it, are a projection of your own consciousness. You are the projector, your reality is the projector screen, there is nothing else you can do to really change and improve your reality other than change yourself.
  17. GabijaCij

    Dreams and Purpose

    Can you see a link between your dreams and your purpose?
  18. GabijaCij

    By @joncolunga84

  19. Each and every person comes into this life as a unique expression of source consciousness. This means each person comes in with a unique essence, like an energetic signature. Their unique purpose and unique thoughts and unique feelings and unique desires and unique needs and unique role within the greater universe is embedded in that essence. The socialization process (which parenting is at the core of) could be a process of enabling a child to unfold according to that unique blueprint. But this is not the world that we currently live in. We live in a world where the process of socialization is usually an impediment to this process of unfolding. The people around you as a child look at you as if you are a raw substance that they can and should mold into what they think is best for you and best for them. They tell you that certain things are acceptable and if you are those things, you will be loved and safe. They tell you that certain things are unacceptable and if you are those things, you will be rejected and unsafe. Anything that remotely resembles something that will make you unsafe or make you meet with disapproval is then something that you feel vulnerable about. And you begin a process of splitting yourself. You put forward and develop only the things about you that make you loved and safe in the world. The rest, you keep hidden. By doing this, you become distorted. It is a process of conditioned self-distortion. Your personality is in essence, fake. Your personality is an amalgamation of the parts of you that you identified with and developed so as to stay safe and away from vulnerability in the very specific situations that you were raised in. You suppressed, rejected, denied and disowned the aspects that made you vulnerable or got you disapproved of in the world. By doing this, they became subconscious. They are buried outside of your awareness and you most likely don’t know they even exist. This is how your truth was hidden from you. To understand more about this process, I encourage you to watch my video titled: Fragmentation, The Worldwide Disease. One pattern that is a part of this socialization process, hid your truth in a way that conditions to fight to keep your truth hidden. It is a pattern of development and praise. Let me explain this pattern: Adults have a pre-conceived idea of what is ‘good’ vs. ‘bad’. This idea is going to vary from culture to culture. Once they form the idea of what ‘good thing’ they want a child to be, they will begin to pin point, develop and then praise the child for that thing. The child’s entire system is dependent upon this approval because it guarantees them closeness and safety with those he or she is dependent on. So, the child will identify with and develop self-esteem relative to that thing which the adults sought to develop in him or her. With his or her self-esteem now wrapped up into that thing, the re-owning of the suppressed, rejected and denied opposite part, now not only poses a threat to his or her safety, but also poses a threat to his or her self-esteem. With unsafety and shame as a barrier to cross in order to become authentic and discover the full truth of himself or herself, this person will fight for the skewed truth of themselves. This process is so subconscious, it is rather like your childhood experience conditioning a Pavlov’s response within you relative to your own internal character traits, which keeps the actual truth of you hidden. It causes you to defend the distortions within you as well as defend the idea that the distortions are not distortions, but are instead genuine, authentic expressions of who you are and what is true about you. But because this is not actually the case, there is no way for you to lead an authentic life and thus, no way for you to be deeply fulfilled in your life. Here are two examples: A girl who is raised in the cowboy culture is naturally feminine, bubbly and sensitive. These are traits which are seen as weak and pathetic in a culture that values being “cowboy tough”. This little girl is put into all kinds of situations in her childhood environment (both intentionally and unintentionally) that require the opposite trait of “true grit”. When she shows grit, she is safer and praised and admired and accepted. She is being conditioned by her environment and the people around her to be ashamed of, disown and bury her bubbly, sensitive femininity. She is also being conditioned by her environment and the people around her that she is full of grit and that she should be proud that she is full of true grit. By the time she grows up, the truth of her is skewed and hidden because part of the truth of her is literally invisible to her own vision of self while another part is exaggerated to take up her full vision of self. She is not only split, she is distorted. And it will cause her A LOT of pain. All her life decisions will be based off of true grit. The man who becomes attracted to her and who she marries will love this about her and most likely be the kind of man who is not looking to take care of a woman because he wants a woman who can fend for herself. The career she chooses will be one that reinforces the need for true grit. She has been conditioned to see women who are feminine as weak and pathetic, but she will nonetheless become more and more jealous of them and the way they are taken care of and protected. She may struggle with infertility, because she denies her femininity and the tissues of her body have been formed and continually fed with the message to be hard and closed so as to become like armor, which is the opposite of the soft, open, receptive state necessary for conception. She will be more and more unfulfilled because the needs and expression of the feminine, sensitive, bubbly part of herself have no place in her life and because of it, many of her deepest needs will not be met. A boy grows up with parents that had children specifically to serve their own needs. They believe servitude is what they are owed for giving the children life in the first place. The parents either ignore or discourage any interest or behavior that does not benefit them directly. Instead, they encourage and develop his “helping” skills. He is daddy and mommy’s little helper. Whenever he helps mom with cleaning or helps dad with a project or helps them take care of a younger sibling, or helps out on the farm, he is praised. When they talk about him to their friends, they say he is such a good help. His self-concept and self-esteem is now tied to being a helper. He has been conditioned to ignore any other interests he has, to the degree he doesn’t even remember they exist or rejects them as selfish. He has become distorted. His life will be unhappy because he will make all his life choices based off of this identity he has now been conditioned into of ‘the helper’. He will choose a career where he is helping someone else to succeed. If he marries a woman, he will find a woman who needs support. He will most likely be so codependent that he loses track of his own likes and dislikes and interests and does not know why he feels so empty and like he has no core. It will feel like he has just somehow ended up in someone else’s life. One thing to understand about authenticity is that when the process of socialization conditions a person to identify with and develop and wrap their self-esteem around one trait, it doesn’t mean that trait is false and the one that is disidentified from and buried is the actual truth of them. Both traits are in fact a true part of them. For example, grit is a genuine part of the consciousness of the girl in our example and helping is a genuine skill in the consciousness of the boy in our example. But so is feminine, sensitivity in the consciousness of the girl in our example. And so is interests and talents that did not directly serve the parents in the consciousness of the boy in our example. It is simply that when one is fed and the other is denied, the person becomes inauthentic because their expression becomes polarized and skewed. They polarize and distort and become unaware of the full truth of themselves and make life choices that do not account for or accommodate the actual, full truth of themselves. The process of integration will reveal these distortions to you so you can bring yourself back into alignment. Chances are, if you are reading this article, your healing experience is in the process of revealing one or several of them to you. But to start you off, I want you to make a few lists comprised of the things that each adult caregiver in your childhood sought to develop and praise in you. When you have done this, make a list of the things that your childhood environment conditioned in you. For example, one person might write a list under dad like: Bravery, studying law, football, unemotionality, logic, honor, self-lessness, hard work etc. And under mom like: Kindness, academics, hard work, honor, gratitude, self-lessness, putting family above myself etc. And under environment this person might write things like: hard work, selfless-ness, academic success, duty to elders etc. Looking at these lists, see if you can feel how that conditioning may have distorted you. What might it have caused you to reject, deny and disown in you? What might it have caused you to develop and exaggerate? How might that have negatively affected your life? How might it be negatively affecting your life now? For example, the person in our example has found out that a trait that his mom, dad and environment sought to develop and praise is hard work. Any part of himself that is seen to oppose this, like fun and spontaneity and relaxation most likely got suppressed, denied and disowned. He doesn’t think of himself as a fun guy and also immediately despises the idea of relaxation because he is afraid of becoming lazy. He derives his self-esteem from being able to call himself such a hard worker, especially because it makes him better than all those shameful, lazy people in his life. But is he happy? No. He might realize that this distortion that he was conditioned into has made it so he doesn’t do things that come easy to him. He only chooses to do things that don’t come easy to him. He might realize that his body is breaking down and he has back issues because he runs himself into the ground working all hours of the day. He may realize that he attracts people who are lazy because they know he will do all the work for them. He may see he doesn’t spend enough time with his loved ones because it feels un-productive. When a person is conditioned to wrap their safety and self-esteem up in an element of their consciousness, while being conditioned to reject another element of their consciousness because of believing it to be unsafe and shameful, the truth of themselves will stay hidden (even from themselves) until the pain of this internal distortion and the pain that is the result of the life choices they will make because of this distortion, is so acute that they can’t maintain it anymore. But it is possible to recognize and develop parts of yourself that you have rejected and denied and have become unconscious of as a result of this process of conditioned distortion. It is possible to come back into a state of alignment, a state where your embodiment reflects your true essence. In fact, one of the very best ways to do it, is through what many experts now call parts work. To understand how to do parts work, watch my video titled: Parts Work (What is Parts Work and How To Do It). You do not need to be afraid that un-distorting yourself will lead you to become shameful and unsafe, like they led you to believe. That is simply the conditioning that caused the distortion speaking.
  20. GabijaCij

    What It's Gonna Take

    The worst zero sum game ever played...
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