The Mirror Event - Basel 2018 - Day 3

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  My ex boyfriend gaslighted me so much. I remember this situation that i was on the phone and he said nobody was at the place he was at, that they all left. I was playing a game with his friends son online and everytime I talked to my ex. He wasn't in the room. He kept leaving for some reason. At one point I started saying his name and he was nowhere to be found. The kid started yelling at the game an for my ex and a woman came and was like what's the problem here? The kid told her no she just wants patrick. Even though my ex said nobody was there. A couple days after that, he preceeded to tell me that i was a liar. That no woman ever came and said anything. I told him im not lying ask the kid. He's like im not asking anyone anything because is bulls%i*t. All because I wanted to know who it was and why he kept leaving the room. In fact he said your a liar, full of it. I told you nobody was there. You dont know what your talking about. That person didn't come in there when you said. Why are you calling me a liar. You have schizophrenia and hung up on me! Refused to talk to me for weeks either until i dropped it or just accepted that I was wrong. I took that kind of gaslighting literally for years. After i left him, i started developing auditory hallucinations when I did my research. Not only was it a sign of complex post traumatic stress disorder from frequent abuse that happens over and over again in which you feel you can't escape. Which i didn't because he threatened to destroy my life and my families life if i dare step out of line. But it was that moment that i realized the actual totality of the abuse. He convinced me that i was a schizophrenic in which he convinced me so much so that i was literally after living my entire life not hearing or having auditory hallucinations that i somehow developed it after i left him. He convinced me that everyone hated me too. So i was extremely paranoid when it came to other people. I thought people were doing things to me becaues they indeed hated me. He told me all the friends i had that he took me away from were hacking me. Told me that they were doing things to me and that i was just too dumb and stupid to see it. It literally made me question every friendship i ever had in which I stayed alone so afraid of him and the people i wanted to reach out to for help to just not feel like nobody cared about me. Then he convinced me that all and everything was my fault. I'm still dealing with that now. If i do something that makes me happy, he turned it around and said your worthless, a wh*re. your not worth the fight. He tried to convince me that I could never be happy, live a normal life it i didn't be with him. In fact he directly said the only chance you have at a good life is to be with me because you can't do it on your own. I took 5 years of this. Then took that pain with me and ended up feeling so disconnected and out of touch with source, that when i did find new people to talk to especially if they did wrong, i still incorporated the reasons of why due to all he said. I didn't even want to be here anymore. I accepted that. Then i found Teal. ❤️ 

These workshops are beyond great.  LOL now I'm green, now I'm red. oooh that is quite interesting. I sleep with a chameleon stuffed animal and have been drawn to them in particular. That might be a sign to learn something about myself. I learned that from my Blind Spot Tarot sigil 55. I got the definition down packed. 😄 I'm so afraid to use my sigil tats because i want to make sure i can get more. lol I know that's not a good mindset. Sigil tats will come in abundance.

This Mirror event is beyond interesting. Thank you so much. 

Edited by The_HQ-Lacerta

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