A Controlling Relationship - Prague Workshop - 2017

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I don't like the idea of restricting your freedom in a box or only for a specific period of time.  "Let free on a leash", that doesn't sound healthy at all in a relationship imo. 

Edited by Rahul Johar

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On ‎10‎/‎26‎/‎2017 at 5:39 PM, Rahul Johar said:

I don't like the idea of restricting your freedom in a box or only for a specific period of time.  "Let free on a leash", that doesn't sound healthy at all in a relationship imo. 

I thought it was better when she called it a "container". I like to think of a playground where kids play within the park but not in the streets surrounding the park. That provides safety enough to let someone really trust they can feel vulnerable enough to enjoy themselves.

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7 hours ago, Lesa Spravka said:

I thought it was better when she called it a "container". I like to think of a playground where kids play within the park but not in the streets surrounding the park. That provides safety enough to let someone really trust they can feel vulnerable enough to enjoy themselves.

Yeah but we're talking about adults, I don't know.. it just feels weird to me to speak about personal freedom in those terms. 

Edited by Rahul Johar

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On 27/10/2017 at 9:39 AM, Rahul Johar said:

I don't like the idea of restricting your freedom in a box or only for a specific period of time.  "Let free on a leash", that doesn't sound healthy at all in a relationship imo. 

That's exactly what I was thinking!!!!! It's like when dogs are only let out on a leash.... dogs were made to run free! It doesn't feel like freedom when it's "contained in a box". The whole point of freedom is to be able to choose when one wants to express that freedom that brings true liberation. 

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On 02/11/2017 at 10:36 PM, Helena zavesky said:

That's exactly what I was thinking!!!!! It's like when dogs are only let out on a leash.... dogs were made to run free! It doesn't feel like freedom when it's "contained in a box". The whole point of freedom is to be able to choose when one wants to express that freedom that brings true liberation. 

That's the reason why I said no to her advising that. Considering she operates from a high level of awareness I was extremely surprised to hear her feedback. After I got off the stage and travelled back to London and revisited what she had said to me on stage, I felt like her approach was quite superficial and not too helpful. She had said things that I already knew and was aware of and I was looking for a practical solution not a repetition of what I already knew. Her Youtube videos have given more insight than talking to her on stage one on one. Maybe I'm not seeing what she saw and I cannot put my finger on a specific thing. 

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Just frirst few moments ... and I can see myself there. Great observation about your husband reflecting the (as you call it ugliest) child part of you thatis starwing for love. I like the idea of feeling the freedom inside, knowing that you have it. It is your choice to be in this relationahip, so when you dont feel free you dont feel free. But you are atending to your inner starving child and you are interacting with husband whom you love... and life happens on conections between people ... (and all thigs:). ... looks like you don't need to be free no matter what... because you are free.. and then in this freedom relationship dynamic happens and you feel control in contrast... but this dynamic is a lesson for both of you. 

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Yep, so it is not about keeping freedom in the box is about being aware in relationship. You see you, he gets to see him. The feeling that you find somebody like him... is the intuition that you will repeating a pattern that hurt you before (long ago). The invitation to stay in the relationship will work only if there will be awarnes so you get to transcend this pattern. And then you will be ready for different partner. And yeeea... i read the comments above, freedom is freedom, freedom is happy. Rebelion is angry. Dogs running free??? Wild... no boundaries... realy??????? 

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On 11/16/2017 at 11:27 PM, Alexandra M said:

That's the reason why I said no to her advising that. Considering she operates from a high level of awareness I was extremely surprised to hear her feedback. After I got off the stage and travelled back to London and revisited what she had said to me on stage, I felt like her approach was quite superficial and not too helpful. She had said things that I already knew and was aware of and I was looking for a practical solution not a repetition of what I already knew. Her Youtube videos have given more insight than talking to her on stage one on one. Maybe I'm not seeing what she saw and I cannot put my finger on a specific thing. 

It was very deep! There are several deep answers. 1. Rebellion is NOT freedom. So the girl on stage doesn't know her freedom yet (something to contemplate about and learn... it may takes years to learn and heal for understanding freedom). 2. She doesn't want true freedom now, because she's not ready for it yet. When she is controlled, she feels more safe. 3. Actually, she is just in a better position, then her husband. She would freak out the same way, if he would come to her and rebel against her and ask for total freedom!))) Yes, I understand why Teal's suggestion is so weird, it doesn't look like freedom. BUT! This is temporal suggestion (practical solution at the moment) for the girl, who doesn't know her freedom and doesn't ready for it, who is in relationship with somebody, who doesn't feel safe to give her total freedom. SAME WAY she is not feeling safe to have it really! It was practical solution to try and to change dynamic and to observe different outcomes. To explore what freedom is and to continue this relationship, while having time to heal and to understand herself and integrate her aspects. Not bad. But in order to understand that... and start to use those advise without resistance, you should have such a strong sense of self first and self confidence and sense of true freedom without need to rebel to feel it. It's paradox, but you should be really free spirit and really KNOW IT in order to choose containers and not freak out about it))) 

On 11/16/2017 at 11:27 PM, Alexandra M said:

That's the reason why I said no to her advising that. Considering she operates from a high level of awareness I was extremely surprised to hear her feedback. After I got off the stage and travelled back to London and revisited what she had said to me on stage, I felt like her approach was quite superficial and not too helpful. She had said things that I already knew and was aware of and I was looking for a practical solution not a repetition of what I already knew. Her Youtube videos have given more insight than talking to her on stage one on one. Maybe I'm not seeing what she saw and I cannot put my finger on a specific thing. 

It was very deep! There are several deep answers. 1. Rebellion is NOT freedom. So the girl on stage doesn't know her freedom yet (something to contemplate about and learn... it may takes years to learn and heal for understanding freedom). 2. She doesn't want true freedom now, because she's not ready for it yet. When she is controlled, she feels more safe. 3. Actually, she is just in a better position, then her husband. She would freak out the same way, if he would come to her and rebel against her and ask for total freedom!))) Yes, I understand why Teal's suggestion is so weird, it doesn't look like freedom. BUT! This is temporal suggestion (practical solution at the moment) for the girl, who doesn't know her freedom and doesn't ready for it, who is in relationship with somebody, who doesn't feel safe to give her total freedom. SAME WAY she is not feeling safe to have it really! It was practical solution to try and to change dynamic and to observe different outcomes. To explore what freedom is and to continue this relationship, while having time to heal and to understand herself and integrate her aspects. Not bad. But in order to understand that... and start to use those advise without resistance, you should have such a strong sense of self first and self confidence and sense of true freedom without need to rebel to feel it. It's paradox, but you should be really free spirit and really KNOW IT in order to choose containers and not freak out about it))) 

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As for me, there are two pieces of 'practical advice' here. First, know your boundaries. And be prepared that you will know them little step by little step. Second, deal with your resistance. I mean that a personality that likes to be controlled would definitely be in resistance to the one with a 'free spirit'.

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