Austin Workshop 2015 - Nightmares - 3/5


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I had so many nightmare/delusions some of them were spiritual truths but I experienced them as the worst thing possible it. I felt people too much it felt like they were in my body. My emotions and thoughts were out of whack for months. I had nightmares and I would wake up screaming in complete terror. Idk the actually reason for this. I have the same issue of that girl with her eye I always felt like one side of my face was ugly cause my eye and jaw isn't right. My neck has gotten really bad to. 

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I think I got lost in the nightmares though I made it worse by focusing on the weird thoughts I was just so lost and confused 

I remember giving up on life really young 6 or 7 years old 

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I felt like I had no room and I felt crazy cause my family and everyone else in my life projected what they wanted sometimes they saw me as so ugly and contridictary from who I am.  I feel like I kind of have myself now I just have to protect myself from people who try and warp me.

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WOW!! This is me in this video. This is sooo crazy because I JUST REWATCHED THIS YESTERDAY after years!! And got a whole new perspective. And today it's the featured video!!!! Crazy crazyyyyyy

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Haha so funny I did experience that jealousy at a birthday party when I was younger. I didn’t feel like I was getting many presents and on the friends birthday party I went to she got soooo many presents and I had to give her a present I really liked for myself. I told my mom I didn’t want to give it and of course she didn’t agree. I don’t remember if she shamed me but I remember feeling so empty and resistant. I remember thinking to myself, she is getting sooo much from everyone, I don’t have that much and I don’t get that much for my birthdays And I really like this present, it shouldn’t hurt her if I just keep it. Haha ? my mom didn’t like it and pushed me to give it. So I did and was upset... not sure what to make of it but that’s interesting I still remember it so vividly. I was sitting in front of her door on the stairs, I think we were taking our shoes off to get inside the house... I have compassion for myself though. I had every right to feel this way and I shouldn’t have been pushed to give. 

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On 12/4/2018 at 5:31 PM, Intro2bliss said:

WOW!! This is me in this video. This is sooo crazy because I JUST REWATCHED THIS YESTERDAY after years!! And got a whole new perspective. And today it's the featured video!!!! Crazy crazyyyyyy

So cool!

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