mayablue

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I haven't watched Teal's video yet. But stories like this are too  creepy for me and since i am a mother myself, i try to stay away from it ?

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15 minutes ago, mayablue said:

during childhood and adolescence my sister and I did not appear "fine" 

Alright. I'll share...

My dad had to be restrained as a child to his bed because of his sleepwalking. No one really knew or could explain  much about it at that time, so he spent several years like that.

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20 minutes ago, mayablue said:

Though I suspect that since you are here, you would like to discuss it! 

Yes, i am curious :)

I also had a fear to all that and i thought i would loose my sleep because of it, but  i am more open now.

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I remember as a 9 year old I was playing in me yard and all of the sudden my grandma came out yelling at me saying I was gone for over 2 hrs. I said grandma I was right here. I was only out in the front yard which was the size of 40 x20. And it only felt like a few minutes to me. She actually thought I left on my own without telling her. She was frantic!

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This makes me so sad... I honestly feel that my ET friends are completely benevolent... I dont have a normal memory of them like remember seeing them in person, but I accept that my reoccurring dreams are of them, of contact.

I recognize that there are both good and bad, and neutral, entities. I am sorry for any negative interactions you have had, or worse, are having. I do believe that not all abduction memories are as bad as they are remembered, simply because humans are pretty fear based, and remembering little grey emotionless guys walking around you on a table certainly seems negative, but we have to remember that we are not just this incarnation on earth. we are part of something bigger, all of us. perhaps your higher consciousness is running the hybridization program. Perhaps many things. we have such a limited perspective as a human, especially when we are feeling fear.

I hope that helps, and I hope you in no way feel that I am invalidating your experience. I just feel so sad when ETs have negative associations... even though I understand.

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**Trigger warning for sexual abuse victims**

 

Perhaps the only thing scarier than being touched against your will is an eerie feeling that you can't explain while it is happening, that you have experienced it before.

This happened to me a few months ago... somehow I was in a situation again, where a man was touching me without consent. 

I've always had the reaction to freeze up when it's happening, too scared to do anything as I find myself at war with my soul and body. I was laying on a bed next to my friend, who was a girl, facing away from her. On her other side was a male, older, and her boyfriend.

He reached around her and started to touch my crotch, very lightly, when I suddenly got hit with this bizarre feeling that I had this happen to me before, when I was very, very young.

I have memories of other sexual abuse, clear cut, conscious memories, but none of those were like this one. And yet something about this feeling seemed too familiar to ignore.. almost as if even though my mind forgot what happened, it stayed in my body until it was brought to the forefront with this experience.

I was attempting to find where I may have experienced this before (completion process) when I got a feeling that the energy of that situation was similar to one before. With time my answer came and I recognized the aura of being with a girl laying in the same bed. It took me right back to when I was very young, around 3-5, when I would stay with my cousin who was also a girl and the same age. Sleeping in the same bed at night. Someone is in the room and reaches around to touch me. My father's father? My Uncle? My cousin? I'm not sure, though I somehow doubt it's my cousin.

The child that experienced it was petrified and pretended to be asleep, dissociating. Soon the memory was gone.

I didn't know what dissociation was for the longest time but I have had a tendency to dissociate for many years now. I guess what gets me the most upset about retrieving memories is how I feel like I will never know who did this to me for sure. And feeling like I will not be able to talk about this with even my closest friends.

I often wonder how many of us were sexually abused when we were children. If so many of us have emotional problems "for no reason" it is possible that perhaps all of us have been sexually abused before we even remembered it.

This experience would certainly explain a lot about why I became how I am today, though.

I will be working with this memory some more until I feel like it is completed.

Edited by Tessa Rae
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I've heard theoretical models of sexual abuse being widened to include various kinds of abuse that we wouldn't normally think of as sexual, but they have very real impacts on sexual development. Such as physical abuse, emotional, etc. Like imagine if you have parents who are very badly religious and who smack you silly if you look at the opposite sex too long, or even the same sex, or anything to do with sex or gender which a child wouldn't immediately recognise. It may or may not even be sexual in nature at the time. But we will grow up and predominantly remember this as physical and perhaps emotional abuse... but it does have a sexual aspect as well.

Seeing as it's all connected and children are developing so much at once. Our culture tries to systemize everything which is OK, but it's been done at the cost of understanding that it's all cross-connected.

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I dont wanna say much on this topic because i dont know for certain but i would encourage you to consider that many of the ET abductions may be organzied by the military industrial complex which operates under the cover of special access projects transnationally they actually managed to copy alien technology back in rosewell and are already able to stage such alien abductions they do it as propaganda so people are afraid of ETs and they can stage an ET attack in future as the next big threat after terrorism does not serve as enough of a threat anymore. I know this sounds very conspiracy ish but i still consider it as a possibility. The guy who is the source for this actually says that meditation is a way to communicate with ETs thats where he got some symphaty points from me also he has a whole bunch of stuff to back it up and there is a video of him on torrents where he is actually briefing a whole bunch of high ranked military people about this because obviously only very few people even know about those special access projects.

 

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