Destiny

Separation Anxiety Disorder

8 posts in this topic

Hello, I am in desperate need for help.

Some background info: I'm 19 years old, I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now. When we met, we had an instant connection and it was as if we had found our best friends in each other. We were happy for a very long time. But that was only until recently. About two months ago the relationship started changing. My boyfriend is sick and tired of me and my emotional problems. I have severe anxiety and I tend to panic and cry in situations that frustrate me. I think he just doesn't understand what I am going through. He says that I am stressing HIM out, because I am always depending on him to make me feel better. It is true that I am very clingy, in fact, I believe that I have separation anxiety. I used to have it when I was a kid too, I would stress and cry about my mother leaving the house.

My boyfriend probably feels trapped in the relationship because he never gets to spend time with his own friends, and I am always latching onto him, and when we aren't together, I'm texting or calling him constantly. I love him so much. I wish he understood how much. I love us together.

How can I save our relationship and stop feeling like the world is over when he isn't by my side?

And how can I stop that horrible feeling in my stomach when I feel like he is going to leave me, the panic attacks when we have arguments, and stop crying every day? It is absolutely exhausting.

Thank you for any help, it is much appreciated!

Edited by Destiny

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We need to take some lessons from each other. I've been told many times that i am a distant person :D

Destiny, how did you live without him before? Do you have things you like to do? Friends? Hobbies? 

Maybe sign up for yoga class or something else you've always  wanted to try? 

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3 hours ago, Destiny said:

How can I save our relationship and stop feeling like the world is over when he isn't by my side?

I think balance in everything is the key. From my perspective, in a healthy dynamic relationship people  help to build each other up, not tear each other down. So, please communicate!

 

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Everything comes down to childhood trauma ;)

Personally, I can't offer you any short-term solution.
For the long-term, you need to address the root of your negative emotions.

Perhaps you're not familiar with the Inner Child Work, if so, please watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3V_Gtfr_YA
If you want a real example of how it is done, I think you can relate with Teal's newest blog post: https://tealswan.com/teals-blog/divine-heaviness-r502

Everytime you experience that "horrible feeling", try not to escape it by constantly texting or calling your boyfriend. Instead, I want you to apply the techniques in Teal's video above, which is to sink into the feeling, no matter how horrible it feels, then ask the 3 questions and accept anything that comes up as valid. If the trauma is meant to be healed, you will be taken back to the root memory of your child self. Then you will have the opportunity to alter it.

I know that this never is a easy process, especially when you have such strong reaction. The only thing I can promise you is the peaceful and satisfying feeling when you integrate a big part of you that was left behind in the past, and thus become whole. Your anxiety is in fact that left behind part of you calling for your unconditional present and integration.

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@Mèo Aki thank you for posting that. I find it interesting that i know about inner child work and it is so logical and explains a lot about us... but it doesn't come into mind when i probably need it myself the most. Instead my mind switches and i go do something else or listen to music. It's almost like i need time to think about it  but  then i forget and i don't want to go back to that later ? And because my emotions about the problem get integrated, i don't feel the same about the problem... therefore it's not really a problem to even think about... 

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37 minutes ago, Garnet said:

And because my emotions about the problem get integrated

@Garnet Can you explain this more?
Are you just distract yourself until the emotions go away? And the problem then seem less serious without your emotion?

Edited by Mèo Aki

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Yes, @Mèo Aki . My emotions can integrate itself without any shadow work :)

Sometimes it feels  like a light switch, sometimes it takes longer. 

And I don't really feel that i distract myself. Maybe it's my coping mechanism. For ex., in the moments when i don't know how to help myself i just simply choose the next best thing to do to feel better. 

It doesn't work all the time though... and yes, i also apply teal's shadow work process, but it just takes me some time to get there.

 

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11 hours ago, Garnet said:

My emotions can integrate itself without any shadow work

too good to be true :'(

One of my problem recently manifested into a painful reality, I have no choice but to face it :'(

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