Andrea Barrett

Shadow Reflections of Forum Posts

17 posts in this topic

So, until recently I never posted in internet forums. I preferred reading others’ comments and, if I'm honest,  often judged people as unwise or inept at communication- based on viewing frequent disagreements and misunderstandings from a perspective of critical distance. I often thought “If only this person would see this about themselves and that about the other person, then they’d have common ground to explore …etc.”.  Now, having commented myself with the intention of authenticity (exposing both shadows and light), I can see how easy it is for miscommunication...

Shadow traits I’ve learnt I have:

*Belief that ‘no one will understand me’ & expecting understanding without making it as clear as I can what I mean. Part of me, in my shadow, actually wants to be misunderstood so that I can see myself as 'good' b  virtue of making another side 'bad'.

*Prioritising desire to be ‘right’, ‘wiser’ or knowledgeable, over connection and understanding. And wanting to be understood and connected to myself but not prioritising doing that for others. Personality type wise, if anyone's into MBTI, that would mean having ‘Extraverted Feeling’ in my shadow.

* Embarrassment and anxiety over public nature of Forum: fear of being accused of stupidity and being “emotional” if people in my life who would disagree with metaphysical ideas found out, and being defined in the eyes of others by a single post (especially if I was in a low vibration when writing) by anyone who was critical. So in reality, since I’m projecting my self, it comes down to me possessing trait of being critical, and not fully embracing my emotions myself. 

 *Not fully human-izing other Commenters and therefore not extending the same level of kindness or benefit of doubt (i.e. assuming misgivings are due to my own projections) to them (because I know less about the person it’s easier to project my fears and issues onto them).  It might be easy to forget this but (IMO) everyone who comments has the desire need for: validation, being understood, to be encouraged (i.e. connection). Then again, the only thing I can be sure of- is that I have that that desire/need. 

 

Thanks for reading!

If anyone reading this has the time and inclination- does anyone have any suggestions for integrating my shadow side as a contributor to the forum, and any general advice?

Also, I’m curious to hear other people’s perspectives and experiences, in relation to commenting on this Forum and their shadow sides…

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Some good insights. I have also noticed how online communication such as forums can really bring about so many misunderstandings and clashes. It's interesting but mostly tedious due to the sheer frequency of it. I think it's mostly people projecting stuff, which is easy because the information we get from a screen is always going to be limited and the human mind is designed to stereotype and project. I always have to remind myself that what I'm looking at on screens isn't "real" in the sense that other things are. It's a complete and total physical and mental projection. That being said there has to be a balance between realizing it's not real, and realizing that there's a real person behind a screen somewhere with real issues and feelings. I always have to remind myself that the words on a screen represent the attention of a real person; a real person who I know absolutely nothing about.

My advice... take it for what it is. Communicating via a screen is a very useful tool of unlimited potentials, but it is still just a tool. It takes work to integrate some of this stuff, but ultimately it's just stuff on a screen so it's not that hard in the end. Personally I just see online communication as a pure information exchange. I don't use the internet to make serious connections, I use it to learn and get stuff done, and a big part of learning is corresponding with other people in a simple, informative way. I don't mind saying personal things online, because it really doesn't matter most of the time, but I definitely don't get personally involved.

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well yeah a good topic actually @Andrea Barrett thanks for sharing. @Kroge I agree.

I have never been on a online forum and if not for Teal I wouldn't be here. I am very open and direct even behind the screen and I don't like sharing anything fake. This is why I use my own face and the real name in this forum. I don't like playing with anyone's mind and creating drama because my only intention is to share the experiences and learn from others. I am only open to authentic connections whether it happens online or not I don't care. I am open doesn't mean I have no boundaries. 

But I do understand you @Kroge with regard to not getting personally involved. 

@Andrea Barrett I actually don't care about being judged for any of the comments I post because I have no intention on winning someone's mind. so say what you want to say on't hold back (this is why we have an edit option ;) )

I can't pretend to agree with anything nor I can hurt anyone. I am that rejected abandoned child so I have come to terms that I will be here with myself all times. So whether someone reply or not I don't care :D

 

 

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On 8/5/2016 at 7:44 AM, Kroge said:

Some good insights. I have also noticed how online communication such as forums can really bring about so many misunderstandings and clashes. It's interesting but mostly tedious due to the sheer frequency of it. I think it's mostly people projecting stuff, which is easy because the information we get from a screen is always going to be limited and the human mind is designed to stereotype and project. I always have to remind myself that what I'm looking at on screens isn't "real" in the sense that other things are. It's a complete and total physical and mental projection. That being said there has to be a balance between realizing it's not real, and realizing that there's a real person behind a screen somewhere with real issues and feelings. I always have to remind myself that the words on a screen represent the attention of a real person; a real person who I know absolutely nothing about.

My advice... take it for what it is. Communicating via a screen is a very useful tool of unlimited potentials, but it is still just a tool. It takes work to integrate some of this stuff, but ultimately it's just stuff on a screen so it's not that hard in the end. Personally I just see online communication as a pure information exchange. I don't use the internet to make serious connections, I use it to learn and get stuff done, and a big part of learning is corresponding with other people in a simple, informative way. I don't mind saying personal things online, because it really doesn't matter most of the time, but I definitely don't get personally involved.

Life is real. People are real. I am not a computer screen. I am not your mental projection. You're not well suited for a forum if you don't think people are on the other side of your screen. pfff

 

Edited by Adam
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@Andrea Barrett 

Hi I'm Adam. You may have judged me on previous forums such as Powerful Intentions, Power Law of Attraction (aka where the true evil lies and where you had a 95% chance of brainwashing), and the Abe Forum. 

You are exactly who I have talked about in many rants. 

Kroge's advice is awful and of course you upvoted it. Seen my wholeness thread? No of course not. I'm just a former child prodigy and brilliant intuitive here in these little communities. Nice of you to drop by. Pay no attention to my rants and calls for change. I'm just a crazy asshole.

 

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1 hour ago, Adam said:

Life is real. People are real. I am not a computer screen. I am not your mental projection. You're not well suited for a forum if you don't think people are on the other side of your screen. pfff

 

You didn't really understand what I meant. Which in itself is what I meant.

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On 8/5/2016 at 6:33 AM, Andrea Barrett said:

being defined in the eyes of others by a single post (especially if I was in a low vibration when writing) by anyone who was critical.

People will care so little about you because of a "bad" post that you could kill yourself and they wouldn't care. They'd be happy about the open space you left.

That's my experience. You asked.

 

You know what I think people need? Attunement. People are zoned out and in a fantasy land when they log on these places. Trolls can just waltz about and dance with the normal people into a state of total distraction, and people wont even know it. If we all adopted Kroge's advice that would make it even worse. We don't even value connection or attunement. We're still in fucking highschool or some shit. Oh Adam was mad at that nice lady what an asshole. No! That lady was an asshole to me so fuck off!! Everyone is so sexist in these communities. The masculine energy has such little fucking value to anyone that no one cares to nurture it when they see it, and as soon as the guy ( yes it must be a guy, because masculine women are very very much valued in these places) as soon as the guy says some dumb shit as a joke, or as soon as the guy (me) has an argument and doesnt compromise what he believes ... WOAH MY GOD I MUST NEVER LOOK AT HIM AGAIN. or OH HE GOT IN AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEONE. WOAHOAOAOAH. Yeah! Do yourself a favor and look up some Hillary Clinton videos so you can get an idea of what an asshole really looks like. I'm sick of people putting a label on me like I should be avoided or I'm not valuable or that I'm scary. Grow up. 

 

7 minutes ago, Kroge said:

You didn't really understand what I meant. Which in itself is what I meant.

Yes I do know what you meant, and I strongly dislike your approach.

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5 hours ago, Andrea Barrett said:

@Adam 

I agree. How would you suggest encouraging and expressing attunement when communicating online? :)

I don't know, Andrea.

 

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15 hours ago, Adam said:

Yes I do know what you meant, and I strongly dislike your approach.

You didn't. You're actually presenting exactly what I'm talking about by not understanding it. It's an interesting story-within-a-story scenario.

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On 8/7/2016 at 5:28 PM, Andrea Barrett said:

I agree. How would you suggest encouraging and expressing attunement when communicating online? :)

@Andrea Barrett  perhaps listening to your intuition and by releasing fear. what do you think?

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19 hours ago, Teena said:

perhaps listening to your intuition and by releasing fear. what do you think?

I think they are both great suggestions!  Attunement to 'other' commenters could also involve empathy- looking at a topic from their perspective, to understand  how their perspective differs, in order to adjust where one is, to match where they are (or to reply in such a way that would connect with the other).  Although perhaps empathy can come under 'intuition'..? 

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1 hour ago, Andrea Barrett said:

I think they are both great suggestions!  Attunement to 'other' commenters could also involve empathy- looking at a topic from their perspective, to understand  how their perspective differs, in order to adjust where one is, to match where they are (or to reply in such a way that would connect with the other).  Although perhaps empathy can come under 'intuition'..? 

@Andrea Barrett Good question hmmmm.... If I were to follow my intuition and allow myself to be fully present in the situation with that person and fully feel how they feel means empathy. People evade doing this because of fears I guess. Do empaths always follow their intuition?  sounds like the same thing too. ah I don't know Andrea we'll open this question to everyone so we will be able to get an insight on this :) 

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Hi Andrea, I just joined this forum and I'm also scared about not being understood (shadow side = me trying to control what others think of me has been a major problem in my life), and, as a result, to be considered 'less than what I truly am' (shadow side = since I place my value in someone else's hands, I lose track of my real intricate value) in the eyes of someone else (even this sounds silly to me, for example).

But I decided to reply to your post anyway because I felt inspired by you :) Your post feels authentic and I find it courageous on your part to speak your truth so deeply and openly.

Lots of love!

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On 8/29/2016 at 5:56 PM, Trinity Anderson said:

With the impermanence of the universe, every attempt to "help" the person asking for it is a huge assumption that they still need the help. Oftentimes, the bad feeling can dissipate once the post describing it is written. Then, we are only trying to help a computer screen, not a human being. 

This is true! In writing what I did originally, just acknowledging and expressing the shadow traits, I was able to let go of their 'hold' on me. Also, it encouraged self-acceptance for when/if it comes up again. Also, technically once realising them/posting about them, they're no longer 'shadow' traits because light has been shone onto them through conscious awareness and acceptance.

When asking for help I was mainly intending to encourage discussion or conversation; I didn't expect or rely on that anyone would be able to give me advice, just maybe ideas which would be a springboard for 'contrasting' with what  my intuition tells me. Through hearing what others say, I'm able to work out more clearly what I agree with and disagree with.    

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