Tamara Reid

Sexuality and mental/physical health

3 posts in this topic

I am a 21 year old female & I am ashamed of all my past sexual experiences. I feel disgusting, & not being able to let go of the past is manifesting as digestive issues. My boyfriend felt threatened by me bringing up his past. Although I wasn't trying to intentionally attack him but rather tell him it's ok, he felt personally attacked by me mentioning this girl who I was jealous of who I swore he told me he liked when we weren't dating. He retorted by saying "as if you weren't banging 3 guys at a time before you met me." He apologized later & said he was completely out of line & that my past doesn't define me. An apology doesn't take back the fact that I feel embarrassed, ashamed, & I keep reliving all my sexual experiences. I spend every waking minute beating myself up. I almost want to never have a romantic partner & become a nun. Please help

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Whatever has happened in your past, was a reflection of what you were at a time. Now, with all your experiences, you are not the same person. Your past helped you to become what you are now, and you have no reason to have a resistance to your past, since you have the freedom to be what you want now, no matter how your past looked like.

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I can relate. Will respond with more detail later, but ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What do you feel ashamed about? Number of sexual partners? Society has this double standard where women are 'whores' and men are 'players' if they have many sexual partners. If it's not something you'd like to discuss, I totally get it. I couldn't even begin to form a rough estimate of my total sexual partners during my younger/crazier years. However, it was just an experience in my life, and two consenting adults having sex isn't hurting anyone.
  2. Your boyfriend, in my non-professional opinion, needs to take a step back and look at where his feelings and actions are coming from. Insecurity, religious beliefs? Communication is essential in all relationships. Friendships or romantic. 

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