Sign in to follow this  
Adam

Deep sadness and Exhaustion

10 posts in this topic

A common theme in my life is exhaustion. This often mixes with depression, deep sadness, desperation. Maybe I should focus more on the deep sadness because I think my exhaustion stems from that. 

Im not sure where it stems from exactly. I have a hard time remembering most of my childhood, especially emotions. 

Any tips or advice?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/08/2016 at 1:18 PM, Adam said:

A common theme in my life is exhaustion. This often mixes with depression, deep sadness, desperation. Maybe I should focus more on the deep sadness because I think my exhaustion stems from that. 

Im not sure where it stems from exactly. I have a hard time remembering most of my childhood, especially emotions. 

Any tips or advice?

 

Deep sadness is a good place to start. Sorrow is one emotion that I often feel, I have no idea where it comes from. But like you I don't remember much of my childhood. Maybe we abandoned ourselves during that time, because we couldn't deal with the loss of something precious to us.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Garnet said:

Cat therapy or sex therapy :)

Are these my only two options? Do you offer counseling as well?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, nuia said:

Deep sadness is a good place to start. Sorrow is one emotion that I often feel, I have no idea where it comes from. But like you I don't remember much of my childhood. Maybe we abandoned ourselves during that time, because we couldn't deal with the loss of something precious to us.

There are some things I do remember that I can start with. Teal often asks about the earliest memory, and I remember a lot of things from late childhood that relate to the feeling. My parents divorced and my mom married someone who was not nice to children and he moved me away from my dad who was a very kind. It was really painful. I've never worked through that, and it's tangible so I think that might be a good place to start.

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Adam said:

Are these my only two options? Do you offer counseling as well?

 

I was just trying to lift your spirit! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Garnet said:

I was just trying to lift your spirit! :D

It worked Garnet. Haha

Alright the joke's over, this is serious. I go through times where I have sensations that are sometimes difficult to let go or overpower or relax away from during everyday things. It makes sense to go to the earliest memory when I have time, when im not necessarily triggered or feeling uncomfortable. It's just scary. I've gotta make myself potentially very very uncomfortable. 

My last shadow work about wanting to be a homeless deadbeat was easy to improve, maybe because that wasn't very deeply rooted. I just made myself feel a little bit better whenever something like that came up and the problem has gone away. This childhood stuff is a whole other thing. It's a more deeply rooted part of why I feel the way I do sometimes. I think I'd be coming out of layers of exhaustion for at least a year if I just felt a little better when I notice a tangible feeling of exhaustion. If the root of it is sadness, then getting tobthe root of that might make it happen faster. I honestly have no idea. Just gotta go through it and do what I know. 

Aah. So uncomfortable. 

I just gotta make sure I breathe.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
30 minutes ago, Adam said:

I go through times where I have sensations that are sometimes difficult to let go or overpower or relax away from during everyday things. It makes sense to go to the earliest memory when I have time, when im not necessarily triggered or feeling uncomfortable. It's just scary. I've gotta make myself potentially very very uncomfortable. 

I think by being in the present moment you have a choice to recognize that you're in control of everything that is happening. Therefore the uncomfortable feeling is just your body memory. Since you're experiencing this in the now,  you can let that feeling integrate itself, just provide yourself with love, comfort and safety.

Sending you hugs and love. Hope this helps as well :)

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Adam said:

My last shadow work about wanting to be a homeless deadbeat was easy to improve, maybe because that wasn't very deeply rooted. I just made myself feel a little bit better whenever something like that came up and the problem has gone away. This childhood stuff is a whole other thing. It's a more deeply rooted part of why I feel the way I do sometimes. I think I'd be coming out of layers of exhaustion for at least a year if I just felt a little better when I notice a tangible feeling of exhaustion. If the root of it is sadness, then getting to ther root of that might make it happen faster. I honestly have no idea. Just gotta go through it and do what I know. 

Aah. So uncomfortable. 

I just gotta make sure I breathe.

Try and write down, either online, with your tribe, or in a journal. You dont want to lose what you gain from your shadow work. my mind is REAL good at compartmentalizing things that hurt me. I have to record unpleasant experiences so that I dont pretend they arent there until they get so huge and unmanageable that they overwhelm me and i end up sick and panicky.

trying to overcome constant exhaustion was the purpose (one of the purposes) of my QHHT session recently. I was unable to do so, but I learned that I am mostly tired because of the huge emotional burden of having a conscience on Earth right now. When you can see, large scale, the cause and effect of choices that are beyond your ability to stop or affect change in any way, it is very draining. plus, we are all friggin beacons for light energy from space. its being funneled through our little squishy pink bodies, the fact that we dont explode is amazing. the fact we are all not burned as witches is also amazing.

exhaustion is something that will go away as our bodies adapt. i believe that.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I first sat down to be with the feelings, I felt a huge sense of how large my body is now compared to when these emotions started. It was overwhelming and kinda freaked me out. I didn't realize there was such a gap between my present self and my past self. I went unconscious and left to go to a convenient store to pick up some things. I didn't even realize i was avoiding my process. When I was out I met a man who asked for a cigarette. I told him I was going to pick some up and id give him one when I came back. He insisted on following me. He was high on something or drunk, but i didn't ask. He was an african american with dredlocks and baggy clothes. I could tell he was gang related because he had prison tattoos and because the way he talked. I told him he was free to follow me there. He was talking to me from behind me on the way there and I actively listened to him. He told me I was a special kind of person and i was a blessing to him, and hed be open to learning from me. I bought the cigs and gave him one. Gave him all my change. We talked and he blew my mind with some of the things he said although i couldn't understand it all. He mentioned the Law of Attraction. I told him that an awakening is happening on the planet and people like him carry a unique energy even if no one knows it. I commented on something he said, that we gotta go with our own rhythm, and said that the only two options are going with our own energy or going against it. He said thank you for that. He showed me a tattoo and said hes the last of a dying breed, some old east coast gang. I know this person did some horrible things in the past. I could sense it from his dissociated energy. I think some integration happened there between the two of us.

When I came back I cried my ass off. I could feel the energy of that guy in my aura and I just cried. 

So, whatever that was... idk. Might have been residual of what I started with the shadow work. I also realized then that I avoided myself and left unknowingly.

When I laid down to sleep I got in touch with my childhood again. I felt like I was in my old room again, missing my dad. And... I cried. So. That's pretty much all that happened there.

Today I feel more clear and integrated. I started my routine of yoga in the morning again after months of not doing that. It just felt good to do it. 

I will delve into the old emotions again to see what else is there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this