Elif

How do you feel right now?

83 posts in this topic

Write here how you feel, and the reason if you want to.

 

I feel sad right now. I was in a good mood, until I went to my friend's house. I don't feel comfortable with her anymore. Her behaviours don't suit mine. I feel violated constantly, feeling like I have to adjust to her. 

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 I feel bad about myself because I do not believe I will get to trust myself enough to take care of average responsibilities. And I feel even worst when people try to push responsibility on me. I scared that I wont be able to survive on my own in the world. Im 18 right now and I'm going to start college in two weeks. I picked a school seven or eight hours from home to try and become more independent  and now I'm terrified. When I get to school I have two weeks to get a job. Most of all I wish people knew how hard it is to live without trusting oneself life is horrifying. I'm tried of people trying to fix me especially when they harshly disregard my fears. If I could ignore my fears I would be "fixed" by now but it always makes it worst.

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I feel sad an scared. This evening we had a drink with some friends and I felt really out of place. They talk about eating meat and killing animals with such an ease.. I was really disturbed when they started to talk about how the restaurants where they take a living fish from the tank and cook it in front of you are the best.. I couldn't listen so I went to the toilet... Now I feel like, am I the weird or the normal here? Don't they hear how fu*ked up that is? 

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I feel like I'm getting closer to just letting go and just being who I really am. I want to evolve, that's my idea of fun lol and I know I'm going to have to go through arguments and even look a little crazy to some people, but that's why I'm down here, I just have to do it. you can't please everyone. lets see what happens!

 

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Edited by Alex7
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I feel like I've been spinning my tires. It's like exhaustion mixed with depression and sadness. I have to figure this out because falling back into it is getting old at this point.

 

1 hour ago, Alex7 said:

I feel like I'm getting closer to just letting go and just being who I really am. I want to evolve, that's my idea of fun lol and I know I'm going to have to go through arguments and even look a little crazy to some people, but that's why I'm down here, I just have to do it. you can't please everyone. lets see what happens!

 

image.png

 

 

You're preaching to the choir here, man.

That's a good mentality to have. Can't please everyone; it's infathomable. Gotta please yourself first.

 

 

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I feel anxious. Everything is uncertain. I have nothing to hold on to. I can't communicate one on one with other people. It fills me with panic. But I want to really badly. I signed a year lease on an apartment for September with my boyfriend. But I've just decided I don't want to be with him romantically or sexually, or even as a roommate. But I have to move to leave an unhealthy relationship with my mom. So I'm pretty stuck here. I might get fired from work tomorrow. I don't want a job or house at all. I want to travel and then live on an intentional community. I'm trying to break free from my restrictive chains but it's so terribly hard. I have no money or high school diploma. I don't know what the hell is going on. My childhood traumas are at the forefront of my experience but I can't for the life of me move through them. I have no friends

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I feel confused because of uncertainty :(  .....while I was looking for help I saw this Teal's Youtube videos and it helps 

 

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I am following Teal's advice and trying to fall in love with uncertainty 

 

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On 8/3/2016 at 8:16 AM, Teena said:

I am following Teal's advice and trying to fall in love with uncertainty 

 

Good advice. However, I believe that two people can share a Love that is certain. 

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3 hours ago, Micah said:

Good advice. However, I believe that two people can share a Love that is certain. 

@Micah Love is certain but then when it comes to sharing (depending on fears or past experience) uncertainty could arise so during those moments all we can do is to accept that and go with the flow. don't you think?

After all if everything is an illusion how can I expect things to be certain (other than my ultimate higher self).

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