Louise

Phases of my shadow work

10 posts in this topic

Not to dwell too long on the origin of my issues, I grew up in a chaotic, extremely abusive (physically, emotionally and neglectful) home.

I think I've been searching for answers all my life as spirituality has always been a back drop to my story, about five years ago i discovered Law of Attraction and, as I think many of us do, I thought 'cool' Harry Potter meets original sin, love it!!

Needless to say, my results were erratic! My world became lousy with blue butterflies and feathers and shit but Daniel Craig remained obstinately elusive.

Undeterred I've kept reading, watching videos and usually, if I had a speck question, an answer, or should I say the route to the answer, popped into my world. So its been a meandering path which led me, a few weeks ago to Teal Swan.

I'm loving this chick, I thought. She's a blend of pragmatic psychological advice and spiritual awareness that I'm intrigued by. I had never, ever, in all my investigative wanderings heard of shadow work. My standard response to feeling anything at all was a blend of rationalisation, suppression and Pinot Grigio - so I got started on this shadow work stuff.

It's been mind blowing.

I just don't have the words.

The amount and variety of subjects and memories that have wanted to come forward have been unbelievable - I've sunk into them, sat with them and just 'felt' them. Some take longer than others but I'm feeling lighter and lighter by the day.

So, my question is this - I had a bit of a disagreement with a close friend of mine on Facebook last night about how many times a DB5 has appeared in James Bond movies - I know, ridiculous right? I could tell she was getting more and more aggravated and I certainly was. So today we haven't spoken and it's been on my mind. I though "Aha, I know what to do, I'll sit with that feeling of weight I'm dragging around and see where it goes" - so I did.

All good, I got to the root of it and it faded, it was fear that now she wouldn't want to be my friend because I'd disagreed with her.

I was just coming out of that semi-meditation when a whole other person started pushing forward into my awareness, I was a bit vexed because I wanted a cup of coffee and a tomato sandwich but thought, okay, this wants to come forward so I'll sit with it a little longer.

What came forward was a voice shouting "Why do I always have to be the fucking mature one" - "Why do I always have to keep quiet" - "Why am I the only fucking one who can't abandon people" - "Who are you to fucking tell me to bee niccceee".

I thought, okay, angry person, it's fine, I love you and you can shout as much as you want - it's all good, I love you and you can't make me mad - go for it.

So, I came back into the room and made my coffee but am now very much aware of the fact that there's a very angry being within me who is currently screaming, shouting, kicking over tables and punching walls.

I can feel the anger coursing through my physical body and I'm really not sure what to do.

Has anybody else experienced this person, has anyone any advice on how to handle her because she's maaaaaaddddddd!

Much love, Lx 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I haven't necessarily experienced that voice but I have felt at times anger that was surfacing. You could try to channel your anger in productive ways but sometimes that may get out of hand so, I recommend simply validating the anger. For example, I understand that your tired of being the responsible one and your right anyone would feel the way you feel. Honestly, I think this will solve the problem but if she actually wants actions to express the anger try to let it out as long as it seems reasonable. 

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Thanks Sunshine :-) I really appreciate the feed back.

I don't feel any desire to express any anger outwardly, quite the contrary actually, I'm in a pretty calm, contented space. I keep checking in with my emotions and I'm aware the angry girl is still ranting and kicking stuff.  My intuition is saying that she needs a safe space to express anger without being judged for it - I just wonder why, when I've been so pleased that I've been doing so well, all this anger has appeared in my energy field.

Isn't that a step backwards?

 

 

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I wouldn't call it a step in the wrong direction. Eventhough your feeling calm and happy you may have disowned your anger a long time ago therefore suppressing it into your subconscious until you are ready to feel it and therefore add a healthy dose of anger into your personality. Try to see the anger as a tool to progress into your the next faze of your healing.

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I must confess - anger isn't something I have ever had on my emotional palette.

That's why it threw me, I would have thought that any anger would have been the first emotion to surface but the first emotion was terror - that's what pushed me to start this work in the first place, it got to the point where the terror was taking over my whole life, every morning when I woke up I was afraid.

Thanks so much for replying, it's really helped - I shall let 'her' get it all out and see where we go from there.

Much love Sunshine and I hope you are doing well.

L x

 

 

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God, I'm dealing with this tooo haha. Extreme anger! At like almost everyone and everything!

I've been trying to find creative outlets to properly express my anger (e.g. journaling, drawing, making music)...

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I too have recently had an anger flushing, triggered by a silly forum abuser, whom shall remain un named. I took it out on my punching bag , of which I have not used in some time. Whilst working out on it , I was recalling all the people and past things that have upset me. My temper in the past has been quite physical and I tended to destroy material things instead of taking it out on others. Now after several bag sessions , I have not had any anger for weeks. It will no doubt return but I now have a tool to work with. I am conscious not to just push it away but to face it. That,s been working for me.

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As an update, it did pass for me and I felt a bit lighter because of it - I've found it so incredible how situations in the present trigger a underground vein of anger that's been lurking there for I don't know how long.

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to this thread, it really does mean a lot to me because all the work I've been doing can be pretty lonely and confusing; all these feelings colliding around inside you, I don't personally have anyone I could talk to so to know that you, not only understand, but have experienced the same thing means I'm not actually alone.

I was going to add another post today because I think i might have had a bit of a breakthrough - again, I just wondered what you guys think and also just to get it down in writing (if that makes sense).

Much love xxxxx

 

 

 

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On ‎1‎-‎8‎-‎2016 at 6:36 PM, Louise said:

 

What came forward was a voice shouting "Why do I always have to be the fucking mature one" - "Why do I always have to keep quiet" - "Why am I the only fucking one who can't abandon people" - "Who are you to fucking tell me to bee niccceee".

I thought, okay, angry person, it's fine, I love you and you can shout as much as you want - it's all good, I love you and you can't make me mad - go for it.

 

What I do when that happens is asking from who is this voice, who is saying this, to whom belongs this anger. ownership is important.

After you know to whom it belongs to. You can do a lot a things. Like asking who told him or her to behave like that. or when he decided to keep quiet and assur him or her that is no longer needed to behave like that.

That he is free to choose whatever he wants to do. Do not tell him what to do that will make it worse

. When you say this.

I thought, okay, angry person, it's fine, I love you and you can shout as much as you want - it's all good, I love you and you can't make me mad - go for it

Do not put that behind your thought of love. Cause you create a compatition element which is not a healthy thing to do. It could overwhelm him or make him more angry 2 thing you dont want.

You want to raise its awareness so it can see whats happend not focusing on you.

This works for me Always sometimes it takes a bit time sometimes its gone in 1 min.

Good luck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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