Open_Eyes_Say_Yes

Struggling

5 posts in this topic

Hi All,

 

I'm having a really hard time at the moment. I'm a single parent with 4 children. I come from a dysfunctional family where my dad is aspergic, my mum has bpd and I suspect my sister has npd. Both fathers of my children are emotionally absent and one has NPD so is still trying to control and sabotage my life. He makes repeated false allegations to social services and my house is for sale but is unlikely to sell as my ex has it on the market at too high a price (so I can't receive the settlement from it). I will have to drive my children across town as I can't move house unless I wait or give up the settlement which is a large sum and I fought in court for. Above all this I have social anxiety and find it incredible difficult to sleep close by to someone without feeling super anxious. I have major body image issues as my stomach is literally covered in stretchmarks. I had a tummy tuck on the NHS but the surgeon left a lot of excess skin so has offered to do a revision but I fear the operation. I feel very unattractive and this affects my relationships with men. I feel attracted to women too but can't dephipher  if it's  only because  I've become   scared that I'm too unattractive to men. I'm considering antidepressants but worry that I won't feel as mentally  sharp and lose myself into a drug like haze. Not sure what to do for the best as the main thing is my life feels very restricted not being able to sleep close to others

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I don't know what to say. I have no advice, it is your path and you will figure it out. I am sure you will. Moms can move mountains if they need to.

I just wanted to be here for you. 

ah, and one more thing...

Stretch marks don't count in love. the stretch marks will 'filter' men for you. you have 4 kids, you don't really have time to 'interview' men, no? when the right man will come along, no one will think of the stretch marks. not even you. and that way you will know he's the one you were looking forward to meet. there will be that sense of relaxing around him. 

don't look at the empty half of the glass. your life is full. enjoy being you, who gets to live your full life. with all the ups and downs, life is beautiful. being alive is beautiful. it's a wondrous trip.  

hugs

 

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17 hours ago, Open_Eyes_Say_Yes said:

Hi All,

 

I'm having a really hard time at the moment. I'm a single parent with 4 children. I come from a dysfunctional family where my dad is aspergic, my mum has bpd and I suspect my sister has npd. Both fathers of my children are emotionally absent and one has NPD so is still trying to control and sabotage my life. He makes repeated false allegations to social services and my house is for sale but is unlikely to sell as my ex has it on the market at too high a price (so I can't receive the settlement from it). I will have to drive my children across town as I can't move house unless I wait or give up the settlement which is a large sum and I fought in court for. Above all this I have social anxiety and find it incredible difficult to sleep close by to someone without feeling super anxious. I have major body image issues as my stomach is literally covered in stretchmarks. I had a tummy tuck on the NHS but the surgeon left a lot of excess skin so has offered to do a revision but I fear the operation. I feel very unattractive and this affects my relationships with men. I feel attracted to women too but can't dephipher  if it's  only because  I've become   scared that I'm too unattractive to men. I'm considering antidepressants but worry that I won't feel as mentally  sharp and lose myself into a drug like haze. Not sure what to do for the best as the main thing is my life feels very restricted not being able to sleep close to others

 

First, bravo for what you do. I can't imagine the energy and exertion it takes to live your everyday life, give yourself some love and credit for all you do. Social services is a pain but if you love your kids and care for them they will see you aren't the problem :) Agree with @walt get a competent lawyer, that will help tremendously. My wife is cursed with horrendous and i mean horrendous stretch marks that cover almost all of her stomach, and they don't bother me a bit, it doesn't decrease her attractiveness in my eyes at all, never has. Sexuality is complex, I wouldn't assume anything one way or other, just allow whatever feelings come and be accepting of them. Antidepressants affect different people differently, talking to you doctor about your concerns should help you guys find a medication that won't cause the problems you are worries about. You can do this, I can tell you're smart and have a tremendous amount of awareness, don't be discouraged use that brilliant brain to find solutions not fixate on problems....

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On Friday, July 29, 2016 at 2:48 AM, Open_Eyes_Say_Yes said:

Hi All,

 

I'm having a really hard time at the moment. I'm a single parent with 4 children. I come from a dysfunctional family where my dad is aspergic, my mum has bpd and I suspect my sister has npd. Both fathers of my children are emotionally absent and one has NPD so is still trying to control and sabotage my life. He makes repeated false allegations to social services and my house is for sale but is unlikely to sell as my ex has it on the market at too high a price (so I can't receive the settlement from it). I will have to drive my children across town as I can't move house unless I wait or give up the settlement which is a large sum and I fought in court for. Above all this I have social anxiety and find it incredible difficult to sleep close by to someone without feeling super anxious. I have major body image issues as my stomach is literally covered in stretchmarks. I had a tummy tuck on the NHS but the surgeon left a lot of excess skin so has offered to do a revision but I fear the operation. I feel very unattractive and this affects my relationships with men. I feel attracted to women too but can't dephipher  if it's  only because  I've become   scared that I'm too unattractive to men. I'm considering antidepressants but worry that I won't feel as mentally  sharp and lose myself into a drug like haze. Not sure what to do for the best as the main thing is my life feels very restricted not being able to sleep close to others

Thank you for being so brave as to share yourself with us, it's inspiring; you're more courageous than I, lovely lady.

Bitch! You are fabulous! Be fabulously fabulous! Personality kills em' every time. If looks are king, personality is aces. I agree with other posters questioning why you feel like you need a man, perhaps other things are more pressing at this time in your life? I just want you to know, you're not without means of attracting men should that be your chosen path.  I also agree that you might find it easiest to allow your appearance  to act as a filter (to filter out all the shit sticks). If I wanted to sit and watch a "beautiful  statue" I'd go to a museum, not out with an interesting woman.

My mother has been my greatest inspiration. Thanks.

https://youtu.be/Mb1ZvUDvLDY

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