Alex7

I'm not good at having a body.

12 posts in this topic

rice 16.jpg

so 16 weeks of this Dr. Emoto rice experiment and yeah its true that emotions can effect the physical. (as you can see from the picture above) for the people who do this and it doesn't work, its probably because you are thinking of an emotion and not actually feeling it?

Anyways, I did this to prove to myself that emotions do effect the body and I knew this already, but the brain needs proof, so here's my proof, its all a theory until you see it for yourself, so mind creates reality yadayada, so I do hate that this is a mirror and what I think inside reflects outward so it is all me doing this. so I still don't know how to love attentions, as a kid I just wanted to disappear, that's it, I hate attention and what you resist....(persists)  Yeah all that shit is true. so please give me suggestions on why attention is okay so I can heal this shit in me already, I resist it like crazy. the body is like a compass and its in a state of dis ease when it wants you to pay attention. so I still hate attention, but that's what I create, so please how do I love attention? 

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Look at that bullshit on my face from not wanting to be seen and resisting, I'm telling you from experience that emotions and all that do effect the body. Its annoying that it works that way, but it does. the idea of loving attentions sounds horrible, so give me idea how to change my ideas and beliefs on attention. Teal if you can drop in and speak about this that would be cool too lol. if not that's fine too.

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56 minutes ago, Alex7 said:

so give me idea how to change my ideas and beliefs on attention.

I don't think you'd resist attention if you didn't have a bad experience with it. It is like fear of success. There is no such thing. People are afraid of what comes with success that isn't good. Failing after success for example. So, attention might have brought something bad with it in your experiences. The question is, what? What part of attention do you hate? How does attention make you feel? I'd write these specifically. What is so bad with having attention on you? 
Are people going to see the bad sides of you? Do you feel inadequate? Do you feel ashamed of yourself? You might be thinking they won't like what they see once they give you attention. Or... They will withdraw their attention from you. This might cause anxiety when attention is given. Or maybe... People made you overwhelmed with their attention, and you felt like you were losing your identity around them, as a result of the attention they gave. 
These are just some thoughts... Maybe you have a different experience. Either way, I'd want to know, what comes with attention that is so bad?

 

1 hour ago, Alex7 said:

Anyways, I did this to prove to myself that emotions do effect the body and I knew this already, but the brain needs proof, so here's my proof, its all a theory until you see it for yourself,

I really liked the idea of experiment, and I'll do it :) Did you cook the rice before dividing it into cups?

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Let yourself off the hook. Our thoughts aren't the only thing manifesting into our physical lives. We have multiple aspects of ourselves (could be thousands or millions, I don't know) and every aspect of ourselves manifests. Not to mention, our body parts manifest, yes... our arms, heart, cells, skin... But by dealing with our shadows and healing those aspects of ourselves that were traumatized in the past, it can manifest positively in our future.

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On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

So, attention might have brought something bad with it in your experiences. The question is, what? What part of attention do you hate?

I remember being shamed and I had all eyes on me, when I spilled my food twice, I was humiliated in front of my family and I was getting yelled at and all eyes were on me. twice I guess I spilled it first got yelled at and and I spilled it again and I got humiliated even more lol, sounds dumb but that was humiliating.

 

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

How does attention make you feel?

like I'm being seen in a negative way before I'm even known, like that's the default mode of me, just not liked.

 

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

What is so bad with having attention on you? 

I take it in a negative way, my brain wired itself that way and the attention switch called disease gets activated. like if you felt a certain fear around a dog and every time you were around a dog that disease gets activated, its like that with attention so I avoid it like crazy, but just me stressing about something that I perceive in my head activates it in my body. I'm aware of this, but the fear is still there and true in my head that the attention I get is negative attention.

 

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

Are people going to see the bad sides of you?

I don't mind the bad sides, It's just the judgments before the knowing part, and in my head people don't like me, so when I'm around people with attention on me my body reacts as if I'm not liked, even though that's not true, that's how my body decided to wire itself.

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

Do you feel inadequate? Do you feel ashamed of yourself?

only because my body is reacting this way, so yes to both.

 

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

You might be thinking they won't like what they see once they give you attention. Or... They will withdraw their attention from you. This might cause anxiety when attention is given.

oh yeah, the anxiety effects my body, not in a good way, I know this is the reason.

 

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

Or maybe... People made you overwhelmed with their attention, and you felt like you were losing your identity around them, as a result of the attention they gave. 
These are just some thoughts... Maybe you have a different experience. Either way, I'd want to know, what comes with attention that is so bad?

attention actives this anxiety in me that affects my body, I don't like confrontation when I comes to beliefs, but my default mode I guess is to share my perspective and I'm like you can't say you "know", but some do. like if I said I know death isn't real, someone who hasn't experienced that would be like, "oh you believe that death isn't real." No... from experience it isn't real, that part of me I hide away because of the resistance of peoples beliefs, but that's why I'm down here to talk about this one aspect of myself that "knows" this shit, I don't "believe" it, it is what it is. I find it easy to be authentic and I can connect with anyone, but the before part, when nobody knows me is when my brain freaks out a little, like I have to break through the façade people have of themselves to get to the real person, and people will perceive me in a certain way before they know me, that sucks lol. inside I'm like, you're wrong, you don't know! so because people don't know me, when attention is on me I take attention as rejection automatically. I know, a lot of writing.

 

On ‎7‎/‎26‎/‎2016 at 9:20 AM, Elif said:

I really liked the idea of experiment, and I'll do it :) Did you cook the rice before dividing it into cups?

yeah, I cooked white rice with just water, got 3 containers 1 love, 1 ignore, 1 hate. you have to give it the energy though, just writing the word wont really do it, but yeah its true as you can see.

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Any attention good or bad, or no attention- is all attention, which is evident in your rice study.

Understanding everything is attention gives us the ability to process information differently.

Therefore we should seek within ourselves what we desire from other people and gravitate towards that.

I also realized for myself that to truly accept attention is also accept the fact that I am a different person for every single person. Everybody's perception of me is different since they see me through their own filters. 

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2 hours ago, Garnet said:

I also realized for myself that to truly accept attention is also accept the fact that I am a different person for every single person. Everybody's perception of me is different since they see me through their own filters.

True.

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On 7/26/2016 at 11:16 AM, Alex7 said:

 

Look at that bullshit on my face from not wanting to be seen and resisting 

 so give me idea how to change my ideas and beliefs on attention. 

Alex, your face looks much better than the first time i saw you!!!

Do you see the difference yourself? 

It's getting better :)

Whatever you're doing is obviously helping you! So, great job!

Sending you hugs!

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56 minutes ago, Garnet said:

Alex, your face looks much better than the first time i saw you!!!

Do you see the difference yourself? 

It's getting better :)

Whatever you're doing is obviously helping you! So, great job!

Sending you hugs!

healing is great on a life resume lol, but yeah, its all emotional stuff and not allowing my "blue print" if you will to flow, breaking paradigms, stuff like that, having no filter, not politically correct, sense bull shit, all that fun stuff lol. :)

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On 7/26/2016 at 8:16 AM, Alex7 said:

Anyways, I did this to prove to myself that emotions do effect the body and I knew this already, but the brain needs proof, so here's my proof, its all a theory until you see it for yourself, so mind creates reality yadayada, so I do hate that this is a mirror and what I think inside reflects outward so it is all me doing this. so I still don't know how to love attentions, as a kid I just wanted to disappear, that's it, I hate attention and what you resist....(persists)  Yeah all that shit is true. so please give me suggestions on why attention is okay so I can heal this shit in me already, I resist it like crazy. the body is like a compass and its in a state of dis ease when it wants you to pay attention. so I still hate attention, but that's what I create, so please how do I love attention? 

 

How do you love attention... what an interesting prospect. I manifested fat, stretch marks, and gave myself awful haircuts and dye jobs to try and make the people who were around me notice me less. It worked. I manifested the love right outa my marriage, destroyed all friendships I had made in my life, and nearly broke all my families heart. I am pretty sure I was trying to manifest the destruction of the world. There was no positive intent in my life, no purpose, no love.

we wanted this chance to be alive and breathing, to experience free will and trauma, fear and hunger. We chose this, out of curiosity, or a truer need to expand our consciousness. Can you fulfill your path alone? This body holding me reminds me of our own mortality, embrace this moment, remember we are eternal: pain is an illusion

I found one person with whom I wanted their attention. I received it. Sometimes that is too much to handle. Sometimes the love I see in his eyes reminds me how unworthy this stupid body is, and how ashamed I should be for my imperfections.

I seek the balance between "love me please I am so godamn lonely" and "dont look at me I am so worthless"

I think I am doing well. Starting small, with one person. ONe very patient, kind, person. Its almost our 3 year anniversary, and its only been a few months that I honestly feel like I have made any improvements. like, its taken me this long to reprogram my brain that love doesnt have to hurt, that my life is not a crumbling pile of ash. However, I wasnt really actively trying to heal until a few months ago. I wasnt willing to try, because I was  afraid to fail.

so how do you love attention? stop trying to fix it. The more you see your love of inattention as a bad thing, the longer it stays bad. Find something you enjoy, bask in the attention it gives you. Like this forum perhaps. Take what you can, until you can take more. Untill You can reprogram your brain to maybe not like attention, but view it as neutral. Patience young grasshopper. every source I have as a guide keeps reminding me of patience.. Tarot, QHHT, meditation, dreams, crystals. Patience. Love. Patience. stop seeing yourself as a badguy. you are the right perspective, your circumstances are the right ones. Trust that you are ok, that you will be able to handle it.

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54 minutes ago, greyswan said:

How do you love attention... what an interesting prospect. I manifested fat, stretch marks, and gave myself awful haircuts and dye jobs to try and make the people who were around me notice me less. It worked. I manifested the love right outa my marriage, destroyed all friendships I had made in my life, and nearly broke all my families heart. I am pretty sure I was trying to manifest the destruction of the world. There was no positive intent in my life, no purpose, no love.

we wanted this chance to be alive and breathing, to experience free will and trauma, fear and hunger. We chose this, out of curiosity, or a truer need to expand our consciousness. Can you fulfill your path alone? This body holding me reminds me of our own mortality, embrace this moment, remember we are eternal: pain is an illusion

I found one person with whom I wanted their attention. I received it. Sometimes that is too much to handle. Sometimes the love I see in his eyes reminds me how unworthy this stupid body is, and how ashamed I should be for my imperfections.

I seek the balance between "love me please I am so godamn lonely" and "dont look at me I am so worthless"

I think I am doing well. Starting small, with one person. ONe very patient, kind, person. Its almost our 3 year anniversary, and its only been a few months that I honestly feel like I have made any improvements. like, its taken me this long to reprogram my brain that love doesnt have to hurt, that my life is not a crumbling pile of ash. However, I wasnt really actively trying to heal until a few months ago. I wasnt willing to try, because I was  afraid to fail.

so how do you love attention? stop trying to fix it. The more you see your love of inattention as a bad thing, the longer it stays bad. Find something you enjoy, bask in the attention it gives you. Like this forum perhaps. Take what you can, until you can take more. Untill You can reprogram your brain to maybe not like attention, but view it as neutral. Patience young grasshopper. every source I have as a guide keeps reminding me of patience.. Tarot, QHHT, meditation, dreams, crystals. Patience. Love. Patience. stop seeing yourself as a badguy. you are the right perspective, your circumstances are the right ones. Trust that you are ok, that you will be able to handle it.

from a higher perspective I'm source or my soul in this body, totally aware of that. my body is like one of those mirrors (a one way mirror).  like other people get to judge me based off their own beliefs, standards, the collective consciousness, which races they believe to be more attractive, everything they've been taught and experienced in this life gets to judge me, and that version is false, whatever the person thinks. once you connect with someone and have those deep conversations, you see the person behind the mirror, but we never get that far because we are disconnected. that whole tribe vibe is lost and we never really know someone if we judge them based on our standards and norms, and tv has a huge influence on this. I remember asking my higher self about body types in the QHHT and it said "he's still brain washed by tv and movies, but if you would see everyone else naked you would see all the body types and it would be normal, we wouldn't be so hard on ourselves. in this life my soul is more on and i'm like "I can see your beliefs", "I can see your beliefs", well this sucks that I can see the layers of a person. I want to know the real being behind the one way mirror. also memory of objective reality, and I never talk about it. my soul is meant to express that perspective and just thinking of the resistance about telling someone their god is wrong in a nice way lol, that's also why I don't want attention, but that's why I'm here, I resist talking to people about that part of me.

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@Alex7 I totally feel you. Maybe you just dont want attention from the people around you, because you want to interact authentically with people, and they are just unaware how shallow their lives are, so any authentic interaction is super uncomfortable for them, and anxiety ridden for you (us)... or maybe I am just projecting on you lol

I just had a crazy weekend. things manifested, and didnt, in ways I wasnt expecting. An opportunity I had been really hoping for turned out not to be what I need. I realized I have to make a choice nowish, that my environment really is going to change. soon.

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